that time I drove 250 miles on the “wrong side” of the road

Last month over Thanksgiving I went to Europe for 10 days. You can read what I posted before I left here. 

I spent some time with a great friend of mine in the UK then spent 5 days in Italy on my own. 

Trying my hand at traveling abroad alone was really important to me, I’ll share more about that another time, but even when I wasn’t alone there were some things I felt were really important for me to try on this trip. Some were specifically meant to challenge me. Not because anyone put me up to it or ever doubted me or but simply because I wanted to challenge myself.

One of these little adventures was driving a car in the UK. 

My friend Marie who’s studying in London and I decided to getaway from the city the day after my arrival. Some friends of hers joined in on the fun and the 2 of us (3 Americans, 1 Britt) rented a car, drove out to Stonehenge, then to Bath, returning to London late the next evening. 

Easy enough... In theory. And it was... In retrospect. But I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit to realizing only when I was behind the wheel, about to turn into traffic on a Saturday afternoon in central London, that this adventure was a little ambitious.

I wouldn’t call it one of my bucket list items, I’ve just always thought it’d be fun, just a different sensation, to drive “on the other side of the road” in England. 

I was confident while planning the trip with Marie, it was actually my idea; and I kept reiterating my confidence while she relayed the plans to her friends. But again I’d be lying if I said that deep within me (maybe not even all that deep) there was a twang of anxiety. 

But the girls trusted me, the rental car company trusted me (I am 27-- well beyond the minimum age to be eligible to rent a car!), and I trusted me. Which is why the moment I drove barely 10 feet in the parking garage and realized, “Okay, this would have been enough of a British driving experience for me” I knew my confidence and I were in for an interesting next 36 hours. 

But I felt good. I still held a majority of my confidence. I also had a hotel booked, dinner and brunch reservations made, and had the 3 young women I had sold on this trip in the car with me. I was stuck. 

I took a deep breath, told myself and the girls that I was ready, and pulled out onto the street. 

I drove nearly 100 miles from central London to Stonehenge (including about 20 minutes through the heart of London) without issue. I navigated the car through round-about after round-about with the help of my patient passengers. We missed exits and re-found our way. 

But as it became dark I grew tired and the rural roads between Stonehenge and Bath had no (and I mean no) street lights. On top of this the road we were driving along was literally on the edge of a cliff; fortunately I had to really focus straight ahead so only learned this after the fact.

I kept reminding myself that this was an adventure; that this was a challenge I had wanted to undertake. And that there was literally no way to stop. 

I only realized my own exhaustion and desire for the journey to be over when I started to mentally calculate how much longer we had before we reached Bath. We had been on the road for nearly an hour and a half since leaving Stonehenge. I expected there to be about 15 minutes remaining but when I learned that my cautious driving put us 35 minutes away from Bath my stomach sank. Everyone in the car could feel it. 

It was then I realized that I had a choice. I could let my stomach stay dropped and spread my anxiety I was in or I could be positive and tell myself, and the girls in the car -- who had entrusted their safety to me on this trip that I had planned to push myself -- that we’d get there soon enough! I went with the latter. 

We made it to Bath probably 40 or 45 minutes after that estimation. 

Bath was well worth the at times stressful journey. And the drive back to London, while riddled with traffic and a slight rush to return the rental car before the office closed, was relatively easy.

I had certainly gotten the hang of driving in London. So much so that looking back on the trip now, a month later, the drive seems so easy.

What’s also funny to think back on is that when Marie and I got back to her flat on Sunday night I exhaled deeply, she once again told me what a good job I did, and I admitted to her the thought I had the moment before driving out onto the busy street of central London. She looked at me, her mouth slightly open with a look of disbelief, regret, annoyance, relief, and maybe a little proud of me and said, "Ohh Scudds. I’m really glad you didn’t tell me that right then. Maybe don’t tell the others." 
  Adventure/challenge #1 of my trip down fueled by British diesel gas and positive energy; adventure #2 was up. 

off I go!

Tomorrow I am hopping on MARTA, heading to the airport, and flying over to Europe. This trip is one part vacation, one part adventure, one part avoidance of the Atlanta airport over Thanksgiving, and one part personal challenge.

I say all of these things because I will be spending some of my time in the UK with one of my very best friends who is studying overseas right now then hopping a flight to Rome on Monday to pop around the city (day trip to Pompeii included) by myself. I have shared some thoughts on solo travel and solo international travel here but this is the first time I have done it for an extended period of time and abroad. 

While I know that loads of people -- women of course included -- have ventured off on their own many times before me, this is something new for me so something I am really looking forward to, but with slight reservation. 

No reservation because I’m scared or even anxious, my anticipation is truly all excitement based. I just have no idea what it’s going to be like. I have no idea what it’s going to be like staying by myself in a hotel for 5 days and 4 nights. I have no idea what it’s going to be like to have no one to meet up with or really talk with for those 5 days and 4 nights. I have no idea what it’s going to be like to decide entirely what my plans are, in a foreign city. And I certainly have no idea how it’s going to be communicating with my Italian counterparts, since, well, I don’t speak a lick of Italian. 

It might be terrible. But I might love it. And even if I don’t love it I am excited for the experience and the adventure and to learn whatever it is I learn about myself during this trip.

Stay tuned-- pictures to come! 

sometimes you have to hit pause

I have been beyond delinquent on posting this fall. I have been busy with some side-projects which anyone who follows my blog will surely learn about soon (....) still, I have been frustrated with myself in just how long I've gone without posting anything. I have found myself time and time again beginning to write something, sometimes drafting nearly an entire post, or just jotting down a few notes for an idea on the blogger app but then never coming back to these for weeks.

So why this big pause? 

There's been no funk, no mild seasonal depression with the one cold snap we've had here in Georgia (40s during the daytime a handful of days which earns a "brr" down here... I barely recognize myself anymore!) 

I just needed a little break to focus on a few other things.

Taking a pause like with without having to explain it is something we all need sometimes. It's not something we can enjoy in all facets of our lives-- most of us can't simply stop showing up to work without any notice or reason, mothers and fathers can't stop being parents, and there are other consequences for simply "hitting pause" on other relationships we have. So when and where we can take a necessary pause we should do it.

This is why when blogging --something I enjoy but is not critical to my existence or livelihood-- began to become something that was more taxing than enjoyable I cut myself some slack. I hit pause. 

I've been enjoying this little re-set button for my personal and professional mental state. Which is something I think we all require sometimes.

With the start of November, new projects, and new adventures coming up I plan to getting back to posting regularly but in the meantime cut me some slack :)

decide what to be and go be it

For much of last week I was so swamped that I wasn't thinking about how I wanted to show up and what my intentions were. Those days my mind felt clouded, my purpose wasn’t clear, and while I had happy and productive days, there were certainly things I dwelled on that I didn't need to and equally things I didn't think enough about.

On a stroll to Starbucks early Sunday afternoon I realized that I hadn’t thought about my intention in days. Since it was Sunday I decided that my focus didn’t need to be anything monumental. I had felt immensely fortunate over the past couple of days and I decided, with that in mind, that what I wanted to really pay attention to was being kind. I don't consider myself an unkind person by any means but I'm not sure that we all spend enough time really focused on and wanting to be kind.

The universe didn’t waste any time to put my intention to the test. Not a middle aged, homeless man was standing at the front door of Starbucks; his strong, musty scent introduced him before I looked up and saw him. He was thin with wild hair and oddly placed tatoos. He wore very loose, ripped shorts and a baggy tshirt. I couldn’t help but think that with his thin frame he could have been a petite model dressed in hipster fashions that girls like me would pin to their street style Pinterest boards.

I walked inside and he followed close -- very close -- behind. He stood no less than 6 inches behind me in the uncrowded line. He seemed a but many and was standing so close that in an effort to back up I walked out of line so he approached the counter before me. He ordered a cup of coffee and pulled out one dollar bill. The barista asked him if he had any more money; his drink was $1 and some change but he didn’t produce anything else. Not wanting to make a scene I stood quietly for a moment. I then asked what he was trying to order. The barista smiled and shook her head at me; she had just run the transaction and just charged him $1. He stood by me, still very close by, as she poured him a cup of coffee. He wasn’t looking at the pastries with any real longing but the least I could do it seemed was to ask if he’d like anything. He quietly scanned his options for a few seconds without even acknowledging my offer; then he declared, with the same excitement of a child after finally choosing an ice cream flavor, “Coffee cake!” 

I don’t post this to make myself feel good or to receive kudos for purchasing small pastry for a homeless man at a coffee shop. People do acts of kindness like this all the time. If I’m being honest I could do them a lot more frequently. 

I post this because it’s not everyday when you decide you want to do something and then are presented a perfect opportunity to do so, literally moments later. I felt lucky to have the opportunity to do something kind for someone else and be able to see the real result.

It was a good reminder about my intention to be more purpose oriented this month. Even though I got a little side-tracked some days, all of the days that I did operate with clear thought and intentions I was more productive (and not just with those specific plans or goals), more content, and I think happier.

Happy Tuesday, decide how you want to show up today and keep your eye on your own prize.

2nd PSL of the season. Don't hate, we all know these are delicious.

finding purpose on my daily commute

I committed to sharing my experience living more purposefully but life happened last week and writing posts fell towards the bottom of my to-do list. Luckily I was fortunate enough to attend part of Oprah's The Life You Want Weekend here in Atlanta which was, strangely enough -- but not all surprisingly -- very aligned with this focus on purpose that I'm living right now.

I'll share about the Oprah experience at a later point but for now I thought I'd share about a specific moment from last week when I could pinpoint this little experiment having a positive, real impact on me.

With my recent move (read about my feelings on moving here and here) I've been able to take MARTA, Atlanta's public transit system. To say that it has been a wonderful life change would be an understatement. 

MARTA gets a bad rap so hear (read) me out... Moving from another city with a huge traffic problem  but one that also has a strong public transit system (Washington, DC), it's been a challenge getting used to life without easy access to public transit. Enter: living less than 4 blocks from MARTA and working less than a half a mile from a transit station.

MARTA seems to be looked down on in Atlanta. But truth be told, it's cleaner and less crowded than all the other public transits I've taken on a regular basis. This is likely due to the fact that it's not all that popular, which is largely due to the fact that it doesn't run through the most convenient locations, but I digress.

I've been taking the train to my office 2-3 times a week for the past 3 weeks. Along with removing me from the mess that is Metro Atlanta traffic it gives me time to read and decompress, offers a little exercise as I walk to/from the stations, and costs no more than traveling via car.

A co-worker of mine has joked that he can tell the days I take MARTA since I just seem to be in a brighter mood.

The other day I was leaving the train and saw one of the other women in my office who takes the train into work. My immediate reaction was to avoid her. I hate to admit this but then again I think that's a pretty normal reaction: I had a 5 minute walk to my building left in my commute and part of me wanted to revel in my solitude. I rationalized to myself that it wasn't just so that I'd have a few more minutes of "me" time but since she had ear buds in surely she wouldn't want to chat; further even if she did I'm sure I would have startled her if I approached her. 

Just before I could finish talking myself out of saying hello I remembered a part of the intention I set for myself that morning. My intention was to really think about and connect with my coworkers on a human level. Not that I don't do this on a pretty regular basis but I had recently been asked to develop a team development program to encourage associates to get to know one another on a more personal basis. I figured I should walk the walk. But more so I really firmly believe that showing our authentic selves at work and getting to know the authentic selves of our coworkers is really important to our happiness and success at a company. I am friendly with a lot of my coworkers and close with a few but I knew that there was still room for improvement.

With that I quickened my pace and caught up to her. We had a very nice walk to the office together. Then two days later we walked to the train together at the end of the day. That time she saw me heading out and asked if I had driven or rode in; when I told her I took the train her face lit up, she asked if I'd wait 2 minutes for her to grab her things (I obliged), and when she got back to the door she said as we walked towards the elevators, "I've had no one to ever walk with since the interns left!"

My simple act, while small to me, was big to her. 

This was the point of my set purpose that morning. And being able to identify and see progress in these purposes and intentions is a big reason I've been starting my days with a set intention or two.

What about you? What are your intentions for the day or month or even longer term? Declare your purpose and start making progress now. 

purpose project: day 1

A good chunk of my time as a marketing manager is spent developing strategy. This makes sense since there needs to be a plan in place (even if just a basic, rough concept) before execution is possible. 

As I build my plans I consider multiple components such as the wants, needs, and motivations of my audience, the goals of my business, sales, and product partners, as well as the competitive climate, past results, projects results, and more.

At times it can seem like there are too many options or courses of action that can be taken. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. This is why for me, like many strategists, it often comes back to intent. Intent or what we want to happen as a result of our efforts critical in business. It helps answer a key operating question that a former manager and champion of mine would ask which is,  for the sake of what?

Increasingly I've been considering what would happen if I employed as much intent in my daily life as I do professionally. Not that I would want to have everything  planned out -- that's no fun -- but what would happen if I acted with purpose and intention daily. 

I believe that if I operate with a clear vision of my purpose and goals for each day I will be more productive, efficient, and happier.

This is why I've decided to live the month of September with intent. I'm calling it my purpose project.

I believe that by thinking through the intent, or the for the sake of what, behind our behavior we can better understand why we do the things we do and in turn, we will understand ourselves a bit more as well.

So if I won't be plotting or planning out everything I do what will this look like? I plan to be aware of my daily actions, activities, decisions, and choices. Plain and simply I want to start  each day by thinking about how I intend to be-- How do I want to show up throughout the day at my office and beyond? How do I want to make people feel? Maybe I've been having the tendency lately to snap at people; if so can I operate with more compassion and understanding? Have I been neglecting any friend or family member; if yes should I consider carving off some extra time to him or her? Or maybe I have been neglecting myself and I should consider carving off extra time for me. 

Far too many people live far too many days feeling as if they are simply drifting and going through the motions. My hope is that operating with intent and purpose will help resolve this. 

I'm not sure how an entire month of this will go and what the result -- if any -- will be but I intend (pun intended!) to find out. 

I'll post regularly (at least twice a week) on the experiment so check back frequently! 

making decisions: the importance of knowing what’s important to you

I moved earlier this month. Again. This is the 4th time that I’ve moved in 15 months. That’s all I’ll say about that. 

So why did I move? I had a really nice apartment, I was centrally located so I had great access to all the areas of Atlanta where I spend much of my time, plus moving is the worst. 

It’s pretty simple: I wasn’t able to walk anywhere from my old apartment.

If you’re familiar with Atlanta this is pretty common. Much of the city isn’t walkable. There are a handful of neighborhoods that are (Virginia Highlands, Inman Park, and Midtown, where I now live) but other major areas (Buckhead, Peachtree Hills, Brookhaven) are not. I knew this moving to the city and I had gotten pretty used to driving or taking Uber everywhere. So how and why did this become something that was so important to me that I would subject myself to yet another move? 

It wasn't until just a few months ago when a close friend was visiting me that I realized this was really bothering me and the first time I first realized I could pretty easily change it. It wasn't any earth shattering conversation but having an external party who I trusted and who knew me to help me extract and identify my prioritizes was really key for me. 

The challenge was that many of the places that are pedestrian friendly have low inventory and pretty high demand so I had to move quickly. I also had to prioritize what I was looking for in the actual unit. But after I acknowledged that my main goal was to move somewhere that was walkable my other priorities like having a gym, pool, washer/dryer, dishwasher, staying within my budget, having a balcony, distance to my office and so on, fell into their placed and were reordered accordingly and pretty easily. 

So what happened? How's my apartment? I landed in a new place within my budget, in the exact area I wanted, with all the amenities I wanted, that is except for a balcony.

Almost two weeks ago while I was unpacking and settling into my new place I felt these happy, proud feelings wash over me. I started to think about how fortunate I was that I come to this realization, that I had found a place in my ideal location within my budget, with nearly all my desired amenities all relatively quickly. Then I paused. It was more than simple fortune that led me to this new physical place in life. I had been very deliberate. I had done my research. I had been both diligent and realistic in my search. Most importantly I had taken the time to consider what I really wanted and prioritized accordingly. 

Easy right?

It was. So why not apply this focused approach in other areas of life? Why not employ this self-awareness and act deliberately in all facets of life.

As I through the steps that I took when prioritizing and then acting deliberately in my apartment search I realized these are really quite basic, but important.

Now it's easy to think about this for an apartment hunt. Priorities are things like location, amenities, price, etc. But surely the core of this concept is transferable. 

So what were they again?

1. Think about what you want. Sounds pretty simple, right? Well it is. What do you want? Great, that's your answer. Really, that's it. In whatever area of life it is, just think about what you want
2. Is this realistic? One of the things I want is a million dollars but that likely won't appear out of thin area. 
3. Not sure what you want? This is a critical piece of this exercise but you're not alone if you're just not sure. Don't be shy about talking it through with someone else; choose someone who knows you well and open up to him or her. This was invaluable for me in this scenario along with tens of others I've experienced and I'm sure ones that you've experience. 
4. Prioritize. What do you want most? This might be an exercise in getting to know yourself a bit but prioritizing your priorities is part of being a realistic adult. 
5. Go. Do it. Seriously. 

Again, any and all facets of life would benefit from more prioritization. What are some examples? Knowing and assessing your priorities when considering something big like taking a new job, or moving to a new city. Maybe you really want to be in New York City but this particular opportunity would require a pay cut or perhaps the role would be a lateral move and you want something a little higher so you decide to wait; that's okay. Or how about something as seemingly basic as deciding how you will spend your Friday evening-- do you want to go out or do you want to order Thai food and sit on your couch? It might not seem like it but this is both an ongoing question I face in my life and something I find far too many of my friends exert energy thinking about, actually worrying about. Setting your priorities straight will really help. 

At the end of the day with these and many personal decisions, there's no right or wrong answer. As long as you take the time to assess your own wants and needs then make your decision(s) based on that you're choosing the best thing for you. 

So get going. Get thinking and prioritizing and start moving through your life with focus and purpose. 

Back to YOU season

It's back to school season and even if you're not a student or don't have a student in your household it's a great time of year to reset, reground, and re-energize yourself in any and all areas of your life. Think of it as getting back-to-you.

So where to start? Here are some ideas:

Health & fitness

Despite the fact that summer is bathing suit season it's common to have such full schedules to actually gain weight over these summer months. Maybe you've over-indulged just a little bit at all those BBQs or maybe you've been slacking on your gym routine because you have happy hours every night of the week. Take a moment to redefine and realign what you want your health routine to include. This spans physical, mental, emotional-- everything! Think about what you want your health and fitness routine to look like, figure out where it falls on your priority list and reset yourself to start making it happen!

Environment

Your surroundings impact you more than you may realize. And since this is the time of year when college students are going back to their schools and moving into new apartments or dorms, it's a natural time to reconsider your space. Changing out a few pieces in your home or at your desk can really change things up and make things feel fresh and new. This is can also be a good time to do some purging. Getting rid of excess items can do wonders to refresh and rejuvenate you. Don't forget to donate pieces that are in good condition!

Finances

Ahh summer spending. It can be hard to stay on track with your budget and financial goals when there are so many patios with drink specials, concerts, trips, and events going on. Not to mention all those weddings! This is a good time of the year to take a good look at your spending and reassess your budget and goals. Not to jump from 80 degrees and sunny to snow so soon but the holidays are coming up as will holiday spending; taking time to get yourself into a good spot financially now will help set you up for success when the season of giving comes around.   

Relationships

A major reason why we all get out of bed in the morning is for our loved ones-- family, friends, significant others. Most of these relationships add value to our lives but sometimes, like all other moving parts of our lives, there can be ups and downs. I like to take some time to think about how and with whom I am spending my time. Am I spending my time with those who I love and love me? Am I over-extended? Are my relationships fulfilling and inspiring or are they draining? Time is our most precious commodity and using is wisely is essential; key to this is our own self-assessment of how we spend it.

All these elements add up

All of these things and more add up to comprise our lives. Take time to make this back-to-school season a back-to-you season and take an inventory of how you're living and operating and if you need to adjust anything. Think about how you'd like to be sending your time, money, energy. Then do it!  

Atlanta-versary

Last Sunday marked my one year anniversary of moving to Atlanta. I celebrated by having the same dinner that I had on my first night in the city: a salad from the Whole Foods salad bar.

A lot has happened over the past 12 months. I've taken 18 flights, lived in 3 different apartments, and spent time in 13 different states.

I've had 3 different managers, paid off 1 more student loan, and have had my credit checked over 5 times.

I've been in 2 different weddings, celebrated my grandmother's 90th birthday as well as my parents 30th wedding anniversary. I've gone on 10 first dates, 5 second dates, and, well, the numbers get increasingly unimpressive so I'll stop there.

There are some things I'm especially proud of. I stood up a cross-functional culture team at my company, drove through the state of Utah by myself, and had some difficult conversations (both with others and myself) that I would have previously shy-ed away from. 

I've done some dumb things too. Some really, really dumb things. I've done some pretty annoying things also. Like when I had to sleep in an airport overnight (read that tale here), scratched my car door in my own parking garage, and bought a concert ticket for the wrong day.

I've put my foot in my mouth a lot more than I would have liked but rather than obsess over each time I've thought through the experience, processed it, accepted it, and moved on.

Progress.

The whole year has been progress and isn't that what growth and learning is all about? This past year I've learned so much. I've learned that it's okay to put my foot in my mouth (sometimes) and that it's important to not beat myself up over it.

I've learned that paying for a gym membership or classes that really push you are worth it; at least as you get older and live in a not-so-walkable city.

I've learned that sometimes it's better to just keep your mouth shut. When you can you should help others. And while sometimes helping others might be a big task or ask sometimes it can be as simple as just listening to someone or returning a text message. Don't discount how important your time, perspective, or just a listening ear can be to someone else. 

I've learned that there are so few instances in life when you should really be upset or angry and that facing things with calmness and a clear head is the best way to approach anything.

It's been a wonderful 12 months to say the least, and I have high hopes for my second year in Atlanta. Stay tuned for updates on life in the south, travel plans for the rest of the month, others musings as I grow and evolve-- and unavoidably put my foot (or feet) in my mouth time and time (and time) again. 

4 things I learned from spending the night in the Charlotte airport

Yes, you read that correct... I spent the night in the Charlotte airport.


Now first I'll answer some questions I am sure are running through your mind:


1. Yes, it was frustrating.
2. No, it wasn't as gross/weird as I thought it would be.
3. Yes, I slept on the floor.
4. Yes, I felt really, really dirty for an entire 24 hours after; even after I showered.


Okay, now that that's out of the way here's what happened and more importantly, what I learned.


So to set the stage: I flew to Salt Lake City last Thursday for the first leg of my July trip out west. Well, I guess it's more accurate to say that I left Atlanta last Thursday.


I had a layover in Charlotte because well, you have to go east to go west, right? Normally I would avoid a layover at many costs, but since I am not traveling round trip to/from SLC but instead I am going to Las Vegas later this week (intrigued about my trip now??) I had to book a one way flight to Salt Lake; and a one way direct was astronomical price-wise.


Thus my layover in Charlotte. Worth the $250 savings? Jury's still out.


While this was in no way part of my Fourth of July plans and not exactly an enjoyable experience, it was strangely a positive experience. Here are 4 things I was surprised to learn from spending the night in the Charlotte airport:


1. Be kind. You can't imagine the amount of rudeness I saw during this experience. Well, maybe you can. Maybe you've been on the giving or receiving end of this sort of treatment at some point in your life. I can't say that I am so angelic that I haven't been, in fact I know I have probably been just as rude. But watching someone basically verbally abuse someone else who's at no fault and who is simply trying to do their best to help in the middle of the night at the airport, well, you start to see this sort of treatment in a different light.


This is a lesson I constantly am reminded of so I tend to write about it a lot, but I think the fact that it pops back up so frequently simply speaks to how important it is.


2. Less fuss = less stress. This is a big one for me. Maybe it's for you too.


At times I can get easily worked up about, well, a lot of things. And while I'm usually a positive person I tend think through all possible scenarios, including all the things that can go wrong. To ease some of my concerns I fuss to other people. Sometimes this can be helpful but sometimes, in situations I simply have no control over, it just intensifies things making the situation seem worse.


Since my stay in the airport was late I didn't have my usual go-to people to complain to (aka my mom). All I could do was throw up my arms, relax, and not let the fact that my travel was delayed get to me.

I have to say, I really think this improved my experienced. I decided I would just relax and go with the flow. This was interesting to me and something I will most definitely try in other areas.


3. Things could be worse. This can sometimes be an annoying one to hear especially when things are really going badly but at the end of the day, things [usually] can always be worse.


Take my little extended stay in Charlotte... Sure, I was stuck in an airport overnight and I won't lie, there was a small moment when I got frustrated and could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but then I realized that this really was not all that bad. I had already been reassigned to a new flight and that flight was at 8am not 8pm the next day. Yes, my suitcase was separated from me for a couple of hours but I got it back just a few hours after my flight landed, not three days later. Yes, I slept on the floor but I had a pair of eye patches to block out the horribly bright airport light, had just bought a new travel pillow in Atlanta, and was wearing a maxi skirt that covered most of my body if I stretched it enough (yes, I was quite the sight). I was safe and would be alright.


4. Think through all your options. This one is a little embarrassing but I have to include it... I didn't realize until I had landed in Salt Lake early Friday morning that one of my best friends in Atlanta was at her parents lake house (which I knew) that is thirty minutes outside of Charlotte. Now, I knew she was headed to North Carolina, I knew she used to live in Charlotte herself, and I knew she was headed to their lake house for the Fourth. While I had no idea just how close she was going to be to Charlotte Thursday evening if I had thought through everything maybe the possibility of her being around would have crossed my mind.


So I made it to Salt Lake. And while I can't say that it happened without a hitch it happened. And after being in the city for a couple of hours the memory of my extended stay in North Carolina was a fleeting memory, but what I had seen and gleaned from it has stayed with me.

On being productive with little or no motivation

On Tuesday I, like a large portion of the country, was a ball of energy and nerves throughout the day as the USA vs. Germany World Cup game approached. Generally I am pretty good at channeling my excited energy (or at least aware of the need to do this, which is half the battle) but by 2pm I had, had enough.

My energy made me move quickly and by lunch I had knocked out all of my essential to-do list along with a solid chunk of items that really weren't needed until later in the week. I had plans to leave work a little early and watch the game with friends but I was mentally leaving my desk well over an hour before it was reasonably acceptable to bow out of the office.

 

So what did I do?

 

I put on my headphones, turned up Spotify, and took almost ten compliance assessments.

Why?

1. This kept me productive since these assessments needed to be completed
2. This didn't require tons of concentration and was virtually mindless
3. This seemed to speed the afternoon along

Not that a compliance assessment is something that you should do totally mindlessly. But when your energy is lagging or your head is in another place sometimes it's best to work on projects that require little critical thinking rather than pushing for something more rigorous.

Now, what to do this afternoon as the three day holiday weekend approaches... 

My first taste of solo international travel

I have a fair amount of solo travel, both domestic and international, planned for the rest of the year. And while I have flown, driven, trained -- you name it -- alone quite a bit I really haven't done much travel when I've been alone for the whole or even a good chunk of the main trip.


This past week I got my first taste at some limited solo international travel. I was in Punta Cana for my cousin's wedding Wednesday through Sunday. And while I spent a majority of time with family and friends, I spent a fair amount by myself as well. There were a few specific things I did alone that really got me thinking about my upcoming plans.  


Overall it made me even more excited for my other upcoming journeys but at the same time gave me a little bit of trepidation. What do I mean? Where here are some parts of my recent trip that really stood out.
 
The Arrival
There's something uniquely depressing about arriving in the airport of a resort city alone; most of the other people are either traveling in couples on a romantic getaway or in large friend groups or as families. It's one of those times when you're acutely aware that you're alone, even if you're going to literally be with tens of close family members within a matter of hours like I was.

Don't believe me? Think about that moment when you walk off a plane and feel the hot, beach air hit your face (or maybe it's cool, mountain air); you can't help but smile as you envision yourself basking in your vacation. But then you meet the very next moment when you normally would say to your travel companion(s), "I'm SO excited!!" That's when you realize it's just you.


Being off the grid
If you're traveling internationally and are being mindful of not incurring hundreds of dollars in data and messaging fees you probably use your phone a lot less. I had planned for this and wasn't all that worried about it. Though as I waited in line for immigration and watched everyone else chattering excitedly I found myself paralyzed. That is, my natural instinct to grab my phone and text a friend or open some social media or simply reload my email once more was unavailable to me.


At first it was striking how alone I felt without the security blanket of being in the middle of multiple text conversations with friends for company. Though this quickly became wonderfully freeing.


Staying at a hotel alone
The last thing that really stuck with me were the puzzled looks I repeatedly received when I told the hotel staff that it was "just me" when asked about the number of guests in my room. While this really only happened at check-in and check-out I did return to my hotel room each day and night alone.


The peace and quiet was often welcomed but there were some moments when I wished I was spending this downtime with a travel companion.


So what does all this mean? Should you be scared off from solo travel? No. It's certainly not for everyone but neither are skinny jeans or yoga (two things I personally enjoy very much).


Any kind of travel has wonderful moments but also some annoying and less than ideal ones; it's sort of part of it. Solo travel is no different. But at the end of the day every experience offers something to learn and cool challenges to overcome. So pack up your bags and pull up your big girl or boy pants and break out alone, or don't and just read about my travels here.

Learning to Listen More: Day 22 of an Atlanta Traffic Experiment

Last week I wrote about how I slid back slightly when my mom was visiting my a few weeks ago. I saw how my impatience impacted others and not really in a positive way (read about that here).  

This week I've noticed something on the other end of the spectrum, that is on a "positive/negative" spectrum. I've noticed that my heightened awareness of self has made me a better listener.

 

Yes, sure, it's just been three weeks so the duration of this experiment and this assessment might be a little loose. But in seemingly trivial conversations with friends and family and coworkers I have found myself much less interested in ensuring that my "story" or antidote gets voiced. Even with people I don't know all that way (e.g., on dates, meeting friends of friends) when it's necessary to share things about yourself I haven't been as concerned with it. Sure I still contribute to the conversation and share about myself but I don't have the sense that I have to share topic or thought XYZ immediately.

 

This made me consider how I engage in conversations. I once read something from a very talkative person (I forget who, no this "person" isn't me) who often found themselves thinking about what they'd say next during a conversation when the other person was talking rather than listening. While I don't think I've ever really done this fully I am sure a part of me has. I know there have been instances when I have had points or stories that I've wanted to bring up since I knew they would make my audience think or laugh or be happy; I'd get so excited about the prospect of the enjoyment and reaction of whomever I was engaging with that I am sure I unknowingly removed myself from the conversation a bit.

Even with the best of intentions focusing too much on what we're going to share or do next can significantly reduce a conversation or an experience and, paradoxically, make us share less.

Back Sliding? Day 14: An Atlanta Traffic Experiment

I was hoping to be posting more regularly on this but life has gotten in the way, as it often does.


Two weeks from the start of my little experiment I unfortunately have to report that I've felt that I've slid back a bit. What do I mean?


Well specifically last weekend when one of the greatest women on the planet (my mother) visited me in Atlanta I noticed myself getting quite agitated at times. Even after I caught myself in these moments and encouraged myself to keep my cool I seemed to still become irritated later on that day, once during the same 15 minute drive.


I also remember making a decided effort to not tell my mom I was blogging about this topic. Not that it's a secret or that she hasn't read my posts (hi mom!) but I think that I didn't want to be held accountable that weekend.


It was interesting.

Part of it makes me think about what some say, that we sometimes treat the people we love the most ,the most harshly because we know that they will always love us. Mothers seem to fall into this camp most since who can love us the way our mothers do? Others love us equally, sometimes more, but never that same way.


This is hugely unfair and something else to add to the laundry list of things to work on. But considering this and focusing back on my experiment in patience, I wonder if I simply wanted a break. From what? From having to hold my agitation in. From trying to improve myself. From being the best version of myself. It was as if with my mother's arrival in Georgia all that I wanted to do was revert back to being her child and being able to "lash out" since I knew that no matter what she'd love me.


It was an interestingly timed trip to say the least. Since just like it's unfair to treat our moms or others harsher because we know they will always love us, it's unfair for me to "decide" to regress on my patience experiment or anything else just because my mommy is in town and will love me and accept me.


While I wish I was more self-aware of this during the weekend I am happy that I can reflect on it now, since again, being aware of many things is step one. And with this reflection I can get back being patience and tolerant and keeping calm even when I encounter un-ideal or annoying things.

Improvement in Awareness: Day 7 of An ATL Traffic Experiment

It's been one full week since I decided that I would actively try to be a calmer, more patient driver. No small feat in a city with one of the biggest traffic problems like Atlanta. (Miss this post? Read it here)


I thought this to be an appropriate time to check-in on this little endeavor of mine.


So what have I learned or noticed over the past week? Actually a couple of things:


1. Time moves equally slowly and fast. Okay, that might not actually make sense but what I mean is that racing impatiently to get to and from work really hasn't been getting me to my desk or to me couch or the gym or happy hour that much faster. How do I know? Well I've been leaving my apartment and office at the same time just simply being more at ease driving over the past week and my commute time has not gone up or down drastically. What has changed? My mood upon getting out of my car (this might be placebo, I'll admit) and my self-awareness.


2. Other people are crazy. We all probably think this to some extent and fall into this category ourselves to some extent but consciously trying to reduce my own aggressiveness has really made me more aware of the aggressiveness of others.


Here's an example: yesterday at a spot where a back-up of 5-25 minutes is perfectly normal at 5pm this one car (white Lexus, in case that matters to anyone) flew past about 60 cars (nope, not exaggerating) on the right shoulder then cut through three lanes. First of all this is really dangerous, for this person and for everyone else on the road. But additionally and more to the point of this experiment: why? Considering my experience over the past week I wonder if that move really got this driver to his or her end destination all that much quicker....


3. Awareness builds awareness. I've noticed that my awareness of my patience -- or lack thereof -- in other areas of my life. One area that surprised me, but upon further consideration it makes perfect sense, is riding elevators. I work on the 9th floor of a 10 floor building and little irritates me more than when someone hits the call button on the lobby floor *just* before the doors close only to hit the button for the 1st floor. (Obviously expectant mothers or people just carrying a tremendous amount of just are excused)


This past week I've actively been trying to not be bothered by it, to not roll my eyes, or not look upon these people with distain. And you know what? My ride up to the 9th floor is the same duration of time, when I walk into my office I'm sure the energy I'm exuding is more open and positive, and the other people who work in my office surely must notice the change in my disposition. Okay, maybe not the latter but even if the one person in my building to notice the brighter mood I'm in is myself, that's a win in my book.




So what's the big takeaway here? Well even bigger than the realization that little bursts of aggressive driving seem to have little to no positive impact on my arrival time, the fact that simply being aware of myself has positive implications.


What's an area of your life that might benefit from a little extra attention and focus? Maybe it's being friendly to your coworkers, non-judgmental of other ideas. Whatever it is, try being more self-aware of your desire to improve in this space. What you observe might just surprise you!

9 Maya Angelou quotes to inspire how you live your life

One of the kindest, biggest hearts was lost today when Dr. Maya Angelou, a true renaissance woman, best known for her poetry and her commitment to the Civil Rights Movement, passed away.


Her way with words captured the spectrum of the human experience from our highest highs to our lowest lows and all  of the sometimes confusing feelings and moments in between.


I have selected my favorite ten quotes from Maya Angleou and explained what they have done for, inspired in, or simply helped articulated for me.


I hope you enjoy. And please remember that we are all better people for having lived in a world with Maya Angleou.


________________________


1. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.


This is one of my all time favorite lines in her famous poem, "I've Learned" and really just sums up a hugely important part of a being a good person and leading a successful life for me. I try to live my life everyday in a way that has a positive impact on other people. But here's the catch: it's rarely overt and never in a way that forsakes me. I strive to be a good enough person each day that just being myself is enough to encourage and inspire other.


2. You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.


Attitude is everything. Happiness is a choice. There's a silver lining in every cloud. These all have similar messages but Maya's is more empowering and focuses on the individual: while we can't control or change the bad things that can sometimes happen unexplainably to good people, we can control our response.

3. You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.

Our lives are never-ending, unique masterpieces. Some parts of it awe-inspiring and uplifting so much that we forget we're human; some reduce us to feeling like the lowest, smallest forms of ourselves. Like it or not, everything we experience impacts us so to the extent that you can choose to have as many of the good, uplifting experiences as you can


4. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.


This is an earlier part of "I've Learned" but is worthy of its own mention. Again it's about attitude, and about not being to control everything, but maintaining a positive outlook on it all.


5. I’ve learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."


Another line from "I've Learned." For me it means that just going through the motions of existence doesn't mean a person has a fulfilling life. Having a life means knowing who you are, what you want, growing and changing, it means challenging yourself, loving another or others, and loving yourself.


6. One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.


We have the potential to be great but we have to find the drive and want and courage in ourselves to achieve this.


7. My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.


For me this articulates some of the things we need to push and let ourselves do in order to be complete humans. Really feel emotion: laugh and cry. Find balance: work and love. Love openly: be courageous.


8. Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.

This ties a few of her quotes together for me: I hope to be courageous enough, and to be lucky enough to be with someone equally courageous, for this one day.


9. Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.


No matter what, never lose your spirit.

Day 1: An Atlanta Traffic Experiment For Personal Growth

This morning I was heading into the office and had to merge into the entrance ramp to the highway. I wasn't in any particular rush; it was 7:15, I needed to be in for a call at 8:00, and I was about 20 minutes away. But I did need to get onto the ramp so during an opening between cars I popped in. The Porsche SUV behind me clearly took offense to this and while I was still on the entrance ramp and the two lanes had turned to one, this car speed up, and passed me on the entrance ramp with only one lane!


Since I wasn't running late my reaction was an internal shrug of my shoulders. But then not two minutes later I noticed that I had merged over to the left land before the Porsche did and now was effectively "ahead" of the driver. I felt an acute sense of satisfaction from this.


I was alone in my car but I felt myself becoming embarrassed. I realized how irrational it was to participate in this self-created, one-sided "race."  I was getting myself all worked up before I had even had my breakfast; and for the sake of what?


I decided to consciously let it go, and physically slowed myself and watched as the driver sped past me. I arrived to my office at 7:34, well before my meeting giving me enough time to eat my breakfast, clean out my inbox,  prep for a few meetings, and read an article.


But later this morning I thought about this earlier mental dialogue I had. This use of energy and driving impatience (I don't think I have full out road rage but some may disagree)  is unproductive, causes unnecessary stress, and is generally just unattractive. Further, when you boil it down isn't this a dangerous way to release this energy? On top of the inherent dangers of distracted (or impatient or enraged) driving, I live in one of the most notorious cities for heavy traffic.


Clearly thinking about this under a microscope now I began to wonder whether this impatience was a manifestation of some other parts of my life. Since I don't consider myself an angry person really at all this was a little befuddling.


Were irritations, impatience, and flat out aggressions from my life surfacing in my driving? Maybe. Maybe not. But even if my impatient driving wasn't a manifestation of other feelings it's not something that I take particular pride in. And if it is, well, it will likely improve other areas of my life and mood if I change this.


With that I give you an experiment I will embark on: 30 days of [driving with] patience.


I plan to apply it to all facets of my life but will have a laser focus on the time I drive. Since I'm human I doubt I will be able to simply rid myself of all these feelings just by saying I plan to, but I will be conscious of not channeling and welcoming these feelings.


I'll blog about it every so often so to hold myself accountable and to share updates as I hopefully rid myself of some of this impatience.

on being more vulnerable

I spent all last weekend at a 3-day music festival in Atlanta.


I've always admired artists. For their talent (in part driven by my sheer inability to sing) but also in their openness and willingness to be vulnerable.


Artists - musicians, writers, poets - just put it all out there in, well, their art. They share their thoughts, feelings, embarrassments, triumphs, hurts. Yes, money is often part of their drive, but isn't it the dream to get paid to do something you're passionate about?


Artists don't get (or don't seem to get) worried about what their friends or family think, I would guess because large groups of people are going to have a whole host of thoughts and perceptions of them, both good and bad. And even a little self-conscious they still do it.


While I've never been a necessarily "closed off" person I definitely keep certain things to myself and likewise only share certain things with specific people. Being vulnerable is scary but it's essential for human success. Yes, human success which I have decided means to being a happy, successful person, which is something we all define for ourselves.


For me part of my human success includes being a contributing, inspiring member and leader of a professional team. So naturally I need to be vulnerable in some way professionally.... Right?


Recently I read this blog post on HBR about showing vulnerability. In it Michael Simmons references a study done by Arthur Aron, social psychologist and director of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University.


Essentially the study (entire account can found here) examines the difference in the strength and depth of relationships forged when two strangers ask factual and shallow questions (e.g., favorite TV show) as compared to when they ask questions that became gradually deeper (e.g., the last time they cried in front of someone, which family member's death would they be most disturbed by?)


Not surprisingly the results showed that the pairs with the deeper questions forged much stronger, more intimate, and lasting bonds.


So to recap, being vulnerable is important to build strong relationships. But being vulnerable is difficult. Being vulnerable at work I presume is somewhat important based on your work, your company, and who you are. But still what is the appropriate level for the different relationships we have in our lives? There's clearly no one right answer and to even search for one is likely shallow.


Last week I was in a grouchy mood. I don't really know why, I just was. The best I can do to explain it is to say that my equilibrium felt off. I know it was apparent. I can say that with confidence because a coworker actually approached me about it.


This week I was more mindful of it. I did some yoga, cleared my head, found my center. I could feel me usual energy coming back and by yesterday felt like I was my upbeat, energetic self.


I felt like I was back to inspiring my office in part by my energy. But that didn't feel like it was enough.


While I didn't snap or say anything harsh to my inquiring coworker who was simply being thoughtful I felt that it was the right, considerate, vulnerable thing to do to acknowledge that I was in a little mental rut. So I did.


It was a little self-experiment about pushing myself to share something about my inner workings professionally. This might not count as one of the types of things to share to build lasting, intimate connects like Simmons' experiment, but it felt good as my own personal experiment.

Do you let yourself be vulnerable in all your relationships or surroundings? Do you want to do so more? Give it a try! Baby steps count (think about how I  pushed myself outside my comfort zone just by wearing new pants) so find a small way to open yourself up and give it a whirl!