chilled? sort of

Yesterday I wrote about needing to chill the F out. I’d like to report that today I took my own advice (in a way).

This morning I went to a TRX class across town. I went earlier this week so to get there I selected what I thought was the address from some of my most recent Google map navigation entries (not sure what I should call them). Well, I realized that I had selected the wrong address when I was about 2 miles away from a restaurant I had gone to for drinks this past week. Luckily I didm’t waste that much time hough I was now on track to arrive at 10:05 for my 10am class. Anyone who knows me knows that this would likely cause me some anxiety, I hate being late for anything, especially when I’m new-ish at a class, course, job, etc. 

I surprised myself and didn’t really flinch. Thinking rationally, I knew there was a 9am class so the chances that we started the 10 right on time were pretty slim. I also thought through the worst case scenario, which would be that I would not be allowed in the class, I’d turnaround, go home, and work out in the gym at my apartment. Probably one of the best worst case scenarios in the history of worst case scenarios. 

I got there at 10:02, a good 2 minutes before class started.

My ability to relax was no major success. Nothing to write home about (though I am writing here about it so technically my mom could read this -- if you are, Hi mom!!) but a small victory in the game of being more at ease.

I share this because I think it’s really important to take note of these little victories. Don’t make them bigger than they are (I promise I won’t write about my inability to follow direction or even plug in an address, or being late ever again) but take a moment, remind yourself it’s all about progress and personal growth, then move on so you can keep growing. 

Happy Sunday!

chill the F out

Sometimes I need to chill the F out. Really.

When something is going on in my life that I'm really proud of or excited about, or making me nervous, there are some people I just cannot wait to tell. But sometimes my delivery can come at bad times. I get overeager or overzealous and just can’t wait which actually is pretty counterintuitive to the reason why I’m even sharing my news to given with. Why would I want to spring something like my news of a big project or an exciting personal endeavor with a friend who I know is going through a rocky time at her job? It's inconsiderate but also -- since we often tend to care more about things that have a direct impact to us -- my poor timing will likely result in my news not generating the excited, celebratory reaction I was hoping for.

When I am able to successfully chill the F out and use my intuition to share at an appropriate time, it's almost always well received; I almost always get the reaction I'm looking for.

This happens well beyond my personal world as well. A former manager of mine once told me one of my biggest strengths was my ability to "connect the dots insanely quickly." He also mentioned that this this was one of my biggest downfalls (or "development areas"). See I could figure out lickedly-split what the repercussions would be if X didn't happen, I could break down how out something like a TV production schedule over the next few weeks would be negatively impacted by one stinking delayed decision. I would share this knowledge until I was blue in the face; I thought I was helping people by raising red flags about timing and this and that. For him, and a good number of the people who have given me feedback over the years, this was actually sometimes a negative thing.

Sometimes I was seen as being a roadblock, I was seen as being negative (a characteristic that couldn’t describe me less). My timing and my inability to just relax was getting in my own way; if I would calm down and yup, chill I would be much more likely to have successful influence within my projects and teams.

Sure raising a flag or getting something off your chest is important and sometimes just has to happen but often for me what needs to happen is just chilling the F out. Taking a moment to assess my audience, assess my situation, assess what I want and need out of the situation whether it's an activity, project at work, friendship, Friday night, relationship -- this really applies to everything-- and then go from there.

I often just get so excited about things. And generally I truly think I am helping others. But sometimes the best move is no move. Chill. Go to lunch. Sleep on it. Delete the text message. Step away from the email. 

You're not losing steam or not making progress; you're making progress thoughtfully.

big moving milestone

Tonight marks the first night that I was invited out and declined the invite. Up until now I’ve made it a point never to decline any invitation in Atlanta since like I’ve written about in a previous post, I’ve had this irrational fear that if I said no I would never get invited out again by that person. 

Maybe it's silly but it actually feels like a big milestone. I remember a similar feeling when I transferred colleges my second year. The first time that I felt like I was able to decide what I would do not because it was the only option presented to me but because it was what made me happy. 

I feel content and at ease enough in my life down here which makes me start to feel like I don’t need to do everything or do something all the time. Not that tonight wouldn’t have been fun, in fact it was one of my favorite people in Atlanta who invited me out. But I was happy working out, making dinner, and relaxing while watching Hocus Pocus. 

The fact that I grabbed drinks on Wednesday then saw a movie last night might also have something to do with it but that’s okay. Doing things those nights made me happy and doing absolutely nothing tonight makes me happy right now. 

if you don’t like something in your life change it

Sitting in my apartment earlier today I started thinking about the past few days. This has been an especially fun and eventful weekend. There was a 2-day music festival down here that I went to both Friday and Saturday. I met a ton of people who I think I will establish really good relationships with -- friendships and possibly more. 

But also this afternoon, for the first time, I started to be really sad to not be in Virginia. It wasn’t that I was homesick or even nostalgic. I was just thinking about friends and fun fall activities that I have enjoyed so much over the past few years and just felt sort of bummed out. I asked a friend of mine down here if there were any fun “fall-y” activities we could do today or next weekend; she told me she couldn’t really think of anything, though she offered up that the leaves would be changing soon.

I was in the middle of about ten different text conversations with friends across the east coast and for a split second I could sense myself teetering on the edge of getting upset. Then I decided that nothing I was doing was actively helping me change my feelings in that moment. I decided what I was craving was at least partially achievable. I put on a flannel shirt -- a staple fall article of clothing for me -- along with some sandals since it was almost 80 degrees in Georgia and decided I would go to a consignment shop that I had been wanting to visit. 

Getting out of my apartment was just what I needed. Along with a super cute DVF top that  got for $11 (!!) I ended up catching myself before I slid into some strange feelings this afternoon.

Cute with black skinny jeans & flats right??

That’s what you do when you’re not totally happy with your situation: change it; make it work for you. Often that involves taking an active role and it also often involves an adjustment, even if just a mental one. But you can control it, just make it work for you. 

When friends of mine complain about their jobs, things falling apart in a relationship, or a general feeling of being left behind, I empathize with them. But what I cannot understand or empathize with is the refusal to change something. It’s always been pretty simple to me: if you are not happy with something in your life change it.

I don’t claim to be totally immune to wallowing, in fact I tend to pine and/or dwell on things longer than most. But I am self aware of this and I also am a big believer in taking the bull by the horns and taking control of what you can control in your own life. 

For me something that I had to take control over was the fact that I was becoming less and less happy with the life I was living in the DC area. While steady and generally fine my job was no longer challenging, and while I was nearby some of the people who I love and cherish the most, I needed to a new area to explore, and to explore myself in a way. 

Some people may have seen it as running away. Sometimes I wonder if in a sense I did run away; maybe I was expecting too much from my job, maybe I couldn’t accept that some friendships had changed or that certain relationships were not where I wanted them. But regardless of if I had stayed put or had moved someplace else, I wasn’t going to accept not being happy.

Don’t be afraid of change. Don’t be afraid of being happy. Make your life work for you. It might be hard but promise you’ll be happier and you’ll have earned the right to be proud of yourself for owning your own life. 

that time I almost went to a concert alone

Last week I went to an outdoor Mumford and Sons concert -- which was incredible, pictures below! -- with a new friend of mine down here. We decided to go together last minute but during the days leading up to it I was really close to going alone. 

A few days before the show I had an over-dramatic text conversation with another friend of mine, who is also in a new city so she understands what it’s like, though she’s there for law school so it’s a slightly different experience. We talked for a while about whether or not I should do it. Tickets were cheap-ish and I had missed seeing Mumford the past two times they were in DC which I continued to kick myself for. These were some of the factors that clearly screamed, “do it!” 

The downside was of course that I would be in an awesome setting, surrounded by hundreds of people, but without anyone with whom to personally share and enjoy the experience. This is a classic feeling I know people can have when they are all by themselves in a really big city like New York City, surrounded by thousands of people, but never feeling more alone. 

I was lucky that a few days before the concert I was grilling out with some friends and after the third time I causally (aka it probably was not all that causal) mentioned the upcoming concert/asked if anyone was going or wanted to go, one of the guys there said yes. We exchanged numbers and ended up getting tickets the next day.

As we were leaving the concert I told him that I had been considering going alone. Walking out of the park we tried to imagine what it would have been like for me. We agreed it would have been awkward. And while it would have been do-able I was glad that I didn’t go alone. Truth told I am not sure I would have had fun. 

I was hoping that during the show I would have realized that yes, I could have in fact gone on my own and had a blast. Maybe I would have met new people or had a romantic encounter on a blanket with an attractive southern guy who I would start dating, marry, and have the most amazing story for my children of how their mother and father met (sorry, unrelated twenty-something girl fantasy). But I think I would have just stood awkwardly by myself in the back. I would have been so preoccupied with appearing as if I was waiting for someone since I would be utterly convinced that everyone around me would be wondering what the cute, little blonde girl was doing at a concert by herself when in reality no one would have cared, or probably even noticed. 

Even though I want there to be no hurdles to moving to a new place provided that you’re open enough, the fact of the matter is that there are. You just have to do your best to find ways around them. Put yourself out there, try new things, and at the end of the day you’ll find a way to make it all -- or at least what you really want -- work.

Now a few pics...

Probably where I would have stood if I went alone (the back)

Yup, I Instragramed this one

No filter

No filter again

too much change

9 months after I started my first job out of college my manager retired. She was 36.

10 days after I relocated for my second job out of college (at the same company) the business I moved for dissolved and my role shifted to accommodate business needs.

3 days before I gave my 2 weeks notice to my third -- and final -- team at my first company a major reorg announcement was made in which 18 people were let go, 3 of who were on my immediate team.

2 weeks and 2 days after I started at my second company (fourth role) after college, which required relocating to Atlanta, the person who had brought me over to the company was let go. The same day another person gave his notice and 2 others were asked to leave. About 3 weeks later 3 more people were let go. 

Change happens constantly but this was getting ridiculous. 

That last reorg happened not last Friday but the one before. All of my other experiences with what I’ll call hyper-change in my professional life had positive results, though each success of course required a considerable amount of hard work, patience, and grit on my part.

When asked years ago how I was holding up during one of the times mentioned above by an executive I told him, "I'm doing my best. I'm staying positive!" He agreed, "That's all you can do." And it is. 

moving is making me fat

I’ve been bad about posting this past week. The only excuse I have is that I’ve just been super busy. Everyone is of course, but it really is incredible how much time it can take to figure out a new schedule and routine.

This is a challenge for many reasons, perhaps I will detail these another time, but there is one main issue I am currently working through: moving is making me fat.

Not really. But really. (Total girl thing to say, I know)

I have definitely added a pound or two (okay three or four) since moving. Luckily I had probably dropped a pound or two (or three or four) before I moved. 

How/why is a mix of a couple of things:

- Workout Routine: When I work out, where, how long, etc.. This is all new stuff I have to figure out. It’s all pretty basic I know but I had a pretty incredible gym setup via my old company in DC that I’m just spoiled from. We had an onsite gym where for $15 a month I had access to the gym, unlimited classes, free personal training sessions twice a week, on top of all this I could get workouts in during the workday. So far in ATL I haven’t signed up for a gym membership but I’ve been going to the gym in my apartment regularly and have some fitness classes via groupon that are burning a whole in my pocket.

- Overall Schedule: I’ve been so busy at work (bad excuse, we all are) and it’s been challenging to find time for everything. Again, this is the problem of the masses but on top of the normal grind I have had miscellaneous things like spending hours on the phone regarding my COBRA plan (actually COBRA’s been pretty easy, but I have been on a ton of customer service calls after work until 9pm). I want to be mindful of not overextending myself and not becoming the embodiment of one of the all-time best Saved By The Bell scenes when Jessie goes crazy on caffeine pills. I won’t even post the gif. For two reasons, first everyone knows it, second, I still haven’t figured out how to upload gifs to my blog.

- Time in Apartment: Also since this is the first time I’ve lived on my own I’ve been really eager to get back to my apartment and just do nothing. Not having roommates has been so great (though I have had great roommates in the past, love you all!) that it’s almost as if I’ve wanted to just revel in the alone time which has caused me to rush through a workout, or plant myself on my couch right after getting home exhausted from work with endless snacks.

- Eating in the Apartment: To that end, since I don’t have roommates I don’t have a silent judgment of another girl as I pace the kitchen looking for a[nother] snack. Not that my roommates ever cared what I ate but I think unfortunately it’s common for girl roommates to size up what each other eat.

- Food in General: This may seem silly but I’m still getting the hang of my entire new food routine, if you will. This includes figuring out what my go-to grocery stores are and what products I can and can’t get there. Also what my normal lunch is. I had a really awesome cafeteria set up in DC, to incentive associates to make healthy choices (a tax right off likely) healthy options were cheaper. I literally ate a salad so big I routinely couldn’t finish it every day. Now I have to shop and prepare my own salads and veggies in general. This is a pint size problem but just another element of change that I hadn’t considered.

- Booze/Dining Out: Perhaps the most obvious piece of this is since I am actively trying to meet people and make friends it’s hard to get away from boozing a few more nights a week than normal (even just a drink or two adds up..) As one of my friends in DC put it, “No one wants to be the girl who orders a soda water at happy hour."

The good news (well, I’m choosing to see it as motivating and therefore good) is that I am a bridesmaid in a close friend’s wedding in a few weeks and I think she’d appreciate it if i fit into my bridesmaid dress. Not that I’m at risk of not fitting into it but I also want to look good. I am choosing to make this the “reason” why I am reverting back to my healthy eating. Not that I need a reason but sometimes it feels easier, or feels like your decision is accepted more easily, if you have something motivating you.

Those are my gripes. I am hoping, and planning on, taking some swift action on this situation. Speaking of which I should actually get myself to the gym..

it’s only money honey

Whenever I get stressed out or overwhelmed about money my dad has always said to me, "It's only money honey.” 

It’s not that my parents have a ton of money to throw around, he’s just good at keeping things in perspective. 

When you boil it down people have jobs and make money for a reason: to live their lives. 

I have not personally encountered another instance when this was more important to keep in mind, but impossible to swallow, as moving and adjusting to a new city. Everything is SO expensive. I knew it would be and I didn’t even move to a super expensive city, but man, things are EXPENSIVE.

I am a pretty self aware person. I am quite mindful of money (this sounds better than saying frugal). I also have never successfully settled into a new apartment after the first month of being in a new place; meaning if I don’t do things like buy new curtains and hang them up immediately I will never do them.

Within my first few weeks of living in Atlanta I had a couple grand racked up on credit cards. I moved some money around and was able to have interest removed from a CC billing cycle (seriously you’d be amazed at how companies will help loyal customers if you just explain your circumstances and ask). Still, staying on top of my finances has been challenging.

Normally I would pull back my shopping (which I really have done) as well as going out to dinner, grabbing drinks, etc. But not going out to dinners and for drinks can put you in another difficult situation as a young professional in a new city: you’d have nothing to do. 

To get adjusted and be happy in a new environment you need to say yes to (almost) any and all invitations. You should go out to dinner and grab drinks with new friends. You need to be safe and pay for a cab across town if you’ve had one too many whiskey gingers (or whatever). Sometimes you have to just forget about it and remind yourself that you’re investing in your own happiness.

I know that this may be teetering on whiney or first-world-problems-y but this is an important part of this life stage for those in it and I want to acknowledge it. 

It’s about keeping things in perspective and making yourself able to live the life that you want and that you are building for yourself. That and like my dad says, it's only money, honey.

Oh, and also, keep your receipts just in case you want to return anything…

Just some of my collection of moving receipts 

things I love: 3 day weekends

Wrapping up a 3 day weekend down here in GA. I was actually going back and forth on whether I should leave town but decided to stay even without fully blown-out plans since I firmly believe when trying to get yourself situated and happy in a new environment you need to be physically present as much as possible. Consider: how are you supposed to make new friends and have fun, last minute adventures without being around?

I admitted to a friend of mine that this could leave me with zilch to do (good news, it didn't) but that was a risk I felt I had to take.

So how have I spent my long weekend in Atlanta? Well...

Friday I had a welcomed evening on the couch doing nothing. Completely exhausted from week 4 of my new job I think I might have had 2 glasses of wine and was out like a light. I also ate these personalized M&Ms from my friend Jessie’s bachelorette party from the other weekend.

Notice all THREE of my paper cuts??

Saturday I was productive and went to the gym then ran a few errands in the morning including getting my eyebrows threaded by a woman who I think I will be going to on a regular basis (eyebrow care is big for me). Jabeen of Jabeen Nail Care received rave reviews on Yelp for her threading services and was less expensive than I was used to so I thought I’d try her out and am happy with the work she did!

Later on in the day I met some friends at a bar to watch college football games. This picture about sums up the day; it’s probably for the best that no other photos were taken.

(Shades came home with me, hat was returned)

Sunday I had to retrieve my car which I left overnight at a bar (I am really, really against impaired driving), stocked up on groceries, then had a lazy day.

Got a little treat in the evening when there were some fireworks set off nearby which I could see perfectly from my balcony! Like every red-blooded American I love fireworks so this was a nice Sunday surprise.

See the teensy B of A building to the left of the lights?!

Monday has been pretty productive as well. I have been saying for a while now that I want to learn how to play golf in Georgia so today I found a posting on craigslist for inexpensive, used starter sets. I ended up getting a complete set, extra drivers, a bag (this totally amazing neon teal retro bag with hot pink accents!), and balls for $60. This man Albert runs a little operation out of his garage (stay with me here…) which at first seems a bit sketchy but it actually is not. He doesn’t have a website but his craigslist ad will presumable be up for a while. Check it out if you’re in the market for used clubs in good condition, he also gave me a few pointers and has some funny stories to tell: Garage Golf Operation (feel free to email me if it expires)

Back to the grind tomorrow. I like a routine so I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things and I am hoping to continue to feel more and more settled at work and in the city. I also think I will have a few golf adventures to look forward to.

So happy end of Labor Day Weekend friends near and far. I hope this post helps people consider all that can be accomplished and enjoyed during a long weekend stay-cation even if you are just building new networks in a new city!