Last week I wrote about how I slid back slightly when my mom
was visiting my a few weeks ago. I saw how my impatience impacted others and
not really in a positive way (read about that here).
This week I've noticed something on the other end of the
spectrum, that is on a "positive/negative" spectrum. I've noticed that
my heightened awareness of self has made me a better listener.
Yes, sure, it's just been three weeks so the duration of
this experiment and this assessment might be a little loose. But in seemingly
trivial conversations with friends and family and coworkers I have found myself much
less interested in ensuring that my "story" or antidote gets
voiced. Even with people I don't know all that way (e.g., on dates, meeting friends of friends) when it's necessary to share things about yourself I haven't been as concerned with it. Sure I still contribute to the conversation and share about myself but
I don't have the sense that I have to share topic or thought XYZ immediately.
This made me consider how I engage in conversations. I once
read something from a very talkative person (I forget who, no this
"person" isn't me) who often
found themselves thinking about what they'd say next during a conversation
when the other person was talking rather than listening. While I don't think I've ever really done this fully I am sure a part of me has. I know there have been instances when I have had points or stories that
I've wanted to bring up since I knew they would make my audience think or laugh
or be happy; I'd get so excited about the prospect of the enjoyment and
reaction of whomever I was engaging with that I am sure I unknowingly removed
myself from the conversation a bit.
Even with the best of intentions focusing too much on what we're going to share or do next can significantly reduce a conversation or an experience and, paradoxically, make us share less.
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