they obligatory New Years Eve blog post

Despite my passion for change management New Years is actually not one of my favorite holidays or nights of the year. I prefer Halloween and Fourth of July, and in general I also prefer a random night out with a motley crew over a big production of an evening. Still, I felt it was appropriate to post on this day since, well, my blog is about change and New Years is about change and looking ahead and various other things along those lines. 

It's not that I don't like the idea of "out with the old, in with the new." In fact I love it. And it's not that I get annoyed like others may that many people get laser focused on personal improvement in December and January only to lose this direction in a few weeks; I think that's unfortunate but believe still some growth to be better than none. It's simply not my fav holiday, that's all. 

Still, there are some things about it I find really fun. Like the champagne. And counting down to midnight. And the excitement of what's to come in the new year. I also especially love that many people use this as a dedicated time to reflect on their lives and think about the progress they want to make in the future. Yes, this can and should be an ongoing part of your year, but some is better than none. 

Personally, I tend to use New Years as a gut check on the areas in which I am trying to grow and get better at all the time. But I won't talk about those here just yet. Later into 2014 I'll talk more about some of these areas and where I am but for today I'd rather write about a few things I really like. Why? Well, it's the end of the holiday season and that's just how I'd like to spend my time and energy.

So what do I really like? Well among other things I really like the movie When Harry Met Sally, and of course I love parties, I also really like reading Drake Baer on Fast Company. With that I thought I'd share one of Drake's recent contributions about how to succeed at a NYE party (which FYI, mentions When Harry Met Sally), highlight some of my favorite parts, and add a few of my own.

Yes, this is a bit of a cop-out. Oh well. With that, here are some of the ways to be a success at a NYE party according to Drake Baer, added to and expanded on by Jane Scudder. Keep in mind that many of these are applicable to much more than New Years and may make good ways to continue personal progress throughout the year. Okay, enough tee-up... 


4 Ways to Succeed at New Years Eve and in the New Year:

1. Do you. And do what you want. Okay, this teeters onto one of my resolutions/an area where I want to make some progress but that's okay because I often contradict myself. See I am trying to get better about doing things for myself and not for others. How does this apply to New Years Eve? Well as our friend Drake mentions, don't feel like you have to do something crazy or huge if that's not your style just because it's New Years. Save that feeling for the first warm, sunny Sunday afternoon in the spring, or your birthday, or Halloween, or just a random Wednesday night. 

But really, this is the end of your holiday season and you should do what you want and what makes you happy. For me this means an apartment party with some close friends in DC. I'm exhausted from traveling the past 10 days and I also would have been quite content with being back in Atlanta and having even a more low-key night but I'm happy I am powering through this holiday travel and ringing in 2014 with friends who I haven't seen in a while.

Just do what you want and try not to get caught up in the hype of it all. Make plans that will make you happy.

2.  Be present. Drakey highlights making new friends and meeting new people. My thoughts apply to this but also to the people you already know wherever you might be. If you do go out be part of the atmosphere. If you don't go out create your own atmosphere and do what makes you happy. But in general limit your texting, Facebook  trolling, and Instagram checking while around your friends and new people. It's rude and really off-putting to be around someone always on his or her phone. 

3. Don't drink and drive. I think this is pretty self-explanatory so I won't expand on this further, just be safe. 


4. Embrace it. Drake focuses on knowing the words to Auld Lang Syne. This is less important to me. What I am be on is being present, being yourself, and having fun. Whatever you're doing just let go, embrace it, and let yourself have a good time.

How am I doing this? Well despite not loving NYE I thought I should try to get in the spirit. Staying true to myself I decided I'd involve one of my favorite things in the world: piñatas. That's right, I shared what I think to be one of my recent best ideas with my friend hosting tonight... Get a piñata, write "2013" on it, and beat the hell out of it. 

It's not that I didn't have a pretty awesome 2013, I did. I'm just ready to step into 2014 and not look back. For me, nothing will help symbolize and physically help me do this more than hitting a piñata. This is in part how I plan to embrace my night.

And those are my tips. I hope everyone has a wonderful evening, and enters into a year that will bring happiness, health, and adventure!

**Check back for piñata pics tomorrow

planning ahead: have an exit strategy

I've spent the last week bouncing around the East Coast. I spent Christmas at my parents' house in Central New Jersey then time in Hoboken and NYC and I am blogging as I wrap up a day of working remotely from a friend's apartment in Arlington, VA.

Now I am always meeting interesting people. But I think I do so more when I'm traveling. I think this is pretty common; at least for me I feel less inhibited and find myself striking up conversations with strangers more freely since if I embarrass myself I'm most likely never going to see that person ever again. 

In the West Village on Saturday evening a few friends and I met three guys from the UK. We chatted a bit about what we all did and where over wine and gin n tonics. While the conversation was somewhat short one of the guys made a very interesting comment that stuck with me. After telling him about my job and life in Atlanta he asked, actually suggested or recommended really, that I have what he called an "exit strategy."

He was a little older, 33 I think, and over the past 10 or so years he had lived in a few different places in the United States as well as Asia. Single and not revealing much about his personal life he shared his perspective that basically was: If you're going to move somewhere entirely for a job it's smart to have a plan in place to "get out", just in case you hate it. 

While the risks associated with life changes are very real to me this was sort of a novel concept that I admit I hadn't considered: Having an actual plan in case things don't go, well, according to plan. 

Luckily I've been very happy with my decisions and don't think I'm any where near a point to consider an "exit strategy" but still, it was interesting advice. And he seemed to have had some life experience that made him have this POV and share it actively and openly with me.

Sure you don't want to be pessimistic and enter into a new situation with the assumption that things won't work out well. But you do want to be realistic. It's a balance. And I think it's an important one to have.

Each New Year adds another year and more experiences to our lives. Regardless of whether or not we each feel a big change in our lives on January 1 as compared to December 31 there is definitely a cultural association of change that accompanies each New Year. I say go out and embrace the changes in the air. Don't be pessimistic, but hear the words of the gin n tonic drinking accountant my friends and I met Saturday night: Be thoughtful in your decisions, be realistic and have a plan B. I'll also add to be resourceful and do your best to avoid employing plan B.

next up: Christmas & this year it's not all about you

I've been back in New Jersey at my parents' house since Sunday. Along with general holiday cheer-iness I've felt an increasing sense of general appreciation for my health and current fortune and position in life. 

I'm not just being a sap. See over the past couple of years some family members have well, really gone south. No they haven't moved below the Mason Dixon line like yours truly. They're pretty sick in various ways and for various reasons. It's really sad to watch people who you have literally known your whole life deteriorate. I think nearly everyone can relate; maybe they were indestructible to you, maybe they were just always around. Either way they were a constant in your life that is now changing and it's different and weird (and not a good weird). 

I will be honest and say that I've personally have had varying reactions to this over the years which include varying levels of maturity. I will leave that at that but I will add that this holiday season it's been very clear -- and more than okay -- the holidays are just simply not about me. Or even my brother or my parents. 

It's funny, the evolution of the focus of holidays. When you're little they're literally ALL about you. Everyone showers you with attention and gifts. Then as you get older the focus shifts to the younger children in your family. If you had a family spread and dynamic like mine, there were a few years in your late teens through your mid-twenties when the holidays were just a happy time with adults who enjoyed each other's company and got boozed up together. Then the holidays shift again. And the focus becomes not on you, not on the generation even just above you, but on the much older generation. 

While I am back at home I feel that a large part of my role over this holiday is to make other people happy since well, this might be the last holiday season some see. 

With this in mind the holiday season has also made me think about things in my life a bit differently. Over the past few weeks in particular I've become very aware of just how fortunate I am. I am a healthy, young woman with a very good job -- no, a career -- and wonderful family and friends all over the country. I challenged myself to up and move hundreds of miles away from the areas I knew and I have been successful thus far in my job, made loads of friends, and have really settled in nicely so much that I no longer feel "new" in Atlanta; I feel at home in Atlanta. 

This is not all simple good fortune as I've worked hard at it. But I am so appreciative of the lot I've drawn in life and the wonderful people I've met along the way to help continue to make it remain so great.

why I like lists so much

Once during an interview (and yes, I was offered the job) I was asked how I manage stress/multiple projects. My answer was that I am constantly making lists. To-do lists for work, to-do lists for the weekend or the evening after work, lists of deliverables for a project, lists for the foods I eat in a day when I’ve had one too many cookies at the office around the holidays or queso over the weekend (but really). 

I remember thinking to myself after the interview how silly my answer was but now when I think about it, this is actually a very real and important way I stay organized and sane throughout the day; it’s just simple and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Jotting down notes on what I need to accomplish reminds me that I actually have things I need to do. It’s not that I would forget this but I have caught myself jumping off a three hour stretch of back-t0-back conference calls and almost naturally getting sidetracked. A thoughtful to-do list keeps me organized and focused.  

Without an organized list to keep me on track below is the type of pattern I would often find myself falling into after jumping off a couple, long conference calls without organization. Maybe you can relate...

• Being a bit mentally drained from a stretch of calls, provided nothing major was crashing and burning I would usually click back and forth between my email and my calendar once or twice (or three or four or eight times); literally just clicking back and forth, this must calm a bit of ADD fueled anxiety but also wasted a bit of time and made me look crazy to anyone hoovering over my shoulder. 
• Then I would usually open up Twitter and see what was going on in the world over the past few hours during my calls.
• From here I would usually open up an HBR or Business Insider article I found on Twitter (or a BuzzFeed list, let’s be honest) and I would get easily lost in the content for twenty minutes if I didn’t have the wherewithal to remind myself that I actually had a brief due or a project kickoff in an hour to prep for or some other deliverable. 
• Somewhere in all that I would have gotten up to run to the restroom and get a glass of water and probably engaged in about 10 minutes of chatter with coworkers or my manager. 

I am not advocating people work non-stop without a break all day. In fact I am a big believer in the multiple studies that argue the human mind works best with breaks. Many suggest that it’s best to work increments of ninety minutes followed by a short break, then ninety more minutes, and so on. It’s just that if I don’t have something to refer back to to keep myself on track I find that after a short break I can lose focus. 

Is this what everyone does? Am I exaggerating the value of writing a short and sweet to-do list or perhaps I am simply late to acknowledging that this tactic I’ve employed for my entire life really is hugely valuable. Perhaps at the very least I’ve given a good, simple suggestion for an interview question.

my best friend’s married and pregnant and I’m not, and that’s okay

This past weekend I was in Nashville for my best friend from undergrad’s baby shower. It was a quick trip; a friend and I drove up from Atlanta Friday night then right after the brunch I hit the road so that I could get back to Atlanta in time for a holiday party at the Georgia Aquarium. Both parties were great (though very different) and somehow the entire weekend went off without a hitch. 

When I think back on the weekend I realize that it might exemplify more than any other situation in my life thus far that we all are at different stages in our own lives -- very, very different stages -- and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay, it’s to be expected. 

As we live our lives they change. We change. Our priorities change and the people who come in and out of our lives change. As this all happens it’s just important to keep in mind what’s important to you and what you want to make time for. 

My pregnant (and gorgeous/glowing/so teensy tiny) best friend might have decided to make such crazy, ambitious, hectic travel years ago (probably at my coercing) but now that couldn’t be farther from a good time to her. To me a jam-packed weekend with potentially overly ambitious plans can often be a good time. 

We all just need to keep our eyes on our own ‘prizes’ and understand what we want to be doing now and in the future. This is especially in your twenties, especially as you’re figuring out your life and your career; especially in 2013 when there is literally a new list created daily telling you exactly what you should be doing, what you should not being doing,  how you should be feeling, what you should be prioritizing, it’s important to know that you just need to do you. 

Oh but for those times when you might be in a moment of weakness comparing yourself to your married, pregnant, proper life-stage-abiding friends, have a good chuckle and knock yourself back into reality by reading this. Though notice how I think this is really funny now, let’s check back in 10 years...

tips for hunting for job #2 (or 3 or 4 or 5)

A lot of people have asked me recently how I found my new (current) job. Everyone has a different reason but in general I sense that most people are looking to understand how I was able to land a new role in a similar category but for a company in a different industry. Also a job in a completely different city and state from where I was living or really had a lot of contacts.

While my situation might not be the most applicable to everyone I can identify and extract some strategies I have employed before landing this job, as well as ones that I have employed during other points of transition in my life that I think are applicable.

1. Identify what you value the most
This can be so many different things but common ones often include: 

• geographic location
• company
• industry
• focus of role
• salary

You don't have to pick just one but understand what your priorities are. If you desperately want to be in the healthcare industry then the industry your next job is in or relocating to a city that's a hotspot for this industry might be your top priority. 

2. What is this job for you?
Where does this job fall within your entire career? Is this the job you've been working towards your entire life? Is this your second role right out of college? 

Any job can be any of these things for someone regardless of where they are in their career. I'm not an advocate of jumping from one job to the next hastily (though sometimes this cannot be avoided) so to avoid this it's important to think through this.

3. Put to the context of your life
Listen (read) very closely: Your job is not your life. I repeat, your job is not your life. I read a wonderful piece HBR earlier this year that I still think about. This is it and I highly recommend the read but to hit on some of the big pieces for me: it's a discussion of the fact that your career, while hugely important in your life (giving you a sense of fulfillment, intellectual and creative outlet, and so on) is not your only purpose. In fact it's likely not your life purpose. Get married, have a family, laugh. This is what life is about. Your career helps build the life you want. 

Why is this so important to keep in mind? Well if you're a woman on the verge of wanting to have a child and seeking a professional change, I'd think that what a company offers you in terms of maternity leave, work/life balance, etc would be important. Certainly what we value and what we'll in turn too to keep in mind changes throughout our life but we need to stay tuned into this, whatever it is. 

4. Roadmap
After understanding your top priorities (both in and outside the workplace) and identifying if your next role is a stepping stone or an end-stage, I recommend roadmaping. This means identifying how you're going to get to where you want to be. 

This means a few things. First consider taking the time to lay out a plan of attack for how you're going to approach your upcoming job search. While doing this push yourself to think big and consider how your moves are going to help you achieve your end goals. 

What do I mean by this? Maybe you want to jump to technology but don't think you have the background to successfully do so right now. That's okay, maybe you move to a role or a company knowing that will build skills that will help you get to a tech role over time. You can do this within an existing role as well by starting to work on projects that position you to get there. Maybe you're in HR but really want to move to social media marketing. Well by raising your hang to get involved in the recruiting social media work you begin to lay your own foundation. 

It might take some time but then again most things that are worthwhile take time. 

5. Start early
Searching for a new job is difficult, it's time consuming, it's exhausting. Sure we've all heard the story of the friend who applied to a new job on a whim and got it and suddenly he thinks that he's the master of job searching and it's "really easy." News flash: It's not. This guy got lucky, he was in the right place at the right time. That's awesome and I'm not saying that he didn't deserve it or that it's not a great opportunity, I'm saying this is not the norm. Even if this has happened for you before I wouldn't rest on my laurels for the next search. 

Most job searches will beat you down, make you question your experience, your education, and many other choices you have made to date in your career and life quite frankly. That might sound dramatic, but if you get to a point where you need a change it might very well be the reality. Don't let yourself get to this point where you need to get out. Start soon. 

6. Do it
That's it. Nothing more, do it.

Job searching really is a dousey. It's also one of my favorite topics. Reading this and have any questions? Whether we're longtime friends and you follow my blog, you found this through looking through your boyfriend's web history, or we're complete strangers, feel free to drop me a line: comment or email janescudder@gmail.com 

tips to succeed while working for a big company

Recently I was with two friends who were commiserating over their shared woes of working for big corporations (one’s Top 100, the other close behind). Theirs were common gripes: being a worker bee, a cog in a system; not being able to impact or change anything, the layers of red tape; the drawn out promotion track, etc. 

They both talked about wanting to be their own bosses, to run their own businesses one day. They’re both quite young and very early on in their careers. I encouraged them to really think about the advantages and opportunities they were being afforded by their large employers and capitalize on their current situations. 

Now I am pretty aware that I don't glamorize running a small business as much as other people may, but I do see the appeal. The thing is I also think there's a great appeal of working for a big company. Especially when you’re building the foundation of your career.

Of course there are small companies that fit in between these categories. I have worked for multiple small offices and I think there are loads of reasons everyone should have that experience under his or her belt as well. At another point I’ll focus on those thoughts but for now I will share some of the top benefits of working for -- intermingled with tips for surviving and succeeding at, -- a big company.

Top 10 Benefits of Working for a Big Company:

1. Learn what and how to learn about a company
In any company it's important to take the time to understand where you are. But it might never get easier for you to understand what you should be paying attention to and how  a company works than at a big company. Especially if you’re young in your career (just out of college or graduate school) a lot of them will spoon-feed you the information you need to know. This is the sort of information you should consider to seek out about companies throughout your career. Not sure what that is? Let me help: listen to the earnings calls, follow competitors, find out what your company values and learn about these things. 

2. Learn how to be purposeful in your moves
We all know that the moves you make within your career have huge impact on what your career becomes and therefore need to be done thoughtfully. Well the moves you make within a company should be done just as thoughtfully. Whether you’re in your dream role or you took a job with the hopes of it evolving to something new, stay planted for long enough to learn; this varies by company, person, team, where you are in your career, but generally is at least 1 year, more likely closer to 2. See below on company-specifics you should focus on learning about but also spend time learning about your role, your team, where your team fits into a larger department and company, general expectations, etc. Only once you understand how your role, team, and department fits into the lifeblood of a company do I recommend considering thoughtful and deliberate moves that will build your experience and help you grow professionally. 

3. Learn how to write a self appraisal, give, and accept feedback
While all companies have unique performance management methods, big companies tend to be a bit more formal (at lease somewhat) and their approaches often translate (again, at least somewhat) to other companies. As I’ve written about before (here and here) feedback is essential for your own growth. I suggest taking tips at least on how to write feedback from big companies with more tried and true approaches. Don’t like what your company does? Well there’s something to be said about that as well, store that away and don’t carry that with you. 

4. If you’re a people manager learn how to manage people
This has a similar caveat as feedback (that all companies vary) but in general large companies tend to have more formal training to create strong managers. Take advantage of these opportunities. Also remember that management is a two-way street and people manager trainings at large companies can often be helpful when interacting with managers of your own. Pay attention to what your big company has to offer, your future direct reports and managers will thank you. 

5. Capitalize on training opportunities
Again with the caveat here, but large companies often have more formal training opportunities and larger budgets. Some don’t even require you to take a training within the realm of your role. Take advantage of these opportunities, you’ll miss them once they’re gone. 

6. If you’re not in project management take the time to understand some basics

In my opinion, many, if not all, jobs have at least a lick of PM in them so understanding their view of the world is helpful. Complex companies tend to need project managers more than smaller ones and often have fined tuned ways of leveraging them. Consider how much value you might bring to a smaller company one day if you can simply understand how a good PM might tackle a complex deliverable.

7. Understand HR policies

Hopefully you’ll never have to report anything like harassment but you never know. Additionally less drastic things like what a company’s policy about being paid out for PTO are also very important. While HR policies are not the same from company to company, at big company this info is often readily accessible (sometimes on an intranet) so learn a bit so you know what’s standard. 

While there’s no standard HR policy I’ve found that generally there are similar tenants. It’s also not a bad idea to begin to get a sense of what’s standard across different companies, this can help you when thinking about negotiations with future employers. 

This is a drastic example but I know of a horror story from a friend at very small company who did not have a clear way to get some general but possibly awkward questions answered because the person to go to was her manager. Luckily she was able to bounce questions off me and likely some others and determine a way to approach this situation, though I think knowing some general principles and things like when and who to escalate what types of issues to, can end up being invaluable.

8. Learn how the different parts of the company fit and work together
As I’ve continued to caveat, all companies are different but I think there are general operating patterns. It’s easier to observe and understand these patterns in an established company since often they’re more clearly laid out. Who owns the P&L; how are customer analytics used and by whom; is social media owned by marketing or corporate communications? While this might not impact you directly it's never a bad thing to understand. Take the time to do this. 

9. Learn how to communicate with executives 

Notice how I said with rather than to. Figure out what an appropriate relationship/conversation with an executive is like at your company and develop this. Execs are high powered and can be intimidating but you need to be appropriately comfortable with them to succeed. You might as well start at a place where their roles are likely to be clearly defined. (An aside on this that I will expand on another time: Keep in mind one of my favorite tips

10. Get free stuff: swag, flu shots, you discounted gym membership, whatever 

Not much to expand on here and I’ll offer a new caveat that I like free stuff, but I think it’s totally true that some of the perks of a large company are the free things that you get. Take advantage of this while you can.

BONUS: 11. Don’t drink too much Kool-Aid
Don’t lose yourself. Yes, be a dedicated employee, but keep in mind your own values as well. 

Can you think of other benefits of big companies, or other tips to survive and succeed at them? Maybe you think small or mid-sized companies are infinitely better? Share away. I’ll revisit this topic and share the benefits of working for smaller organizations in the future. 

you have a lot more time than you realize

Once in college I grabbed about 6 planners that were being given away for free at a football tailgate and when someone asked me why I needed so many my response was, “I’m really busy.” 

I was at a tailgate so as you can imagine I was intentionally being silly but really I am pretty busy. Everyone is. Putting forth effort and complete focus into a workday is exhausting, having a social life, being a good friend, spending time with family, exercising… Everything takes time. 

Though recently I have been coming to realize that I have a lot more time than I think. We all do. This post won’t include tips on multitasking or prioritizing tasks. Really it’s about being conscious of how much time you have when you stop and think about it.  

This past week I had a laundry list of things I had to get done. Start/complete Christmas shopping, make holiday card, put together last two shelves for my living room, go to the gym (daily), make New Years Eve plans, take MacBook into to Genius Bar, just to name some of the miscellaneous things within my personal life not even considering work.

I had a holiday party to go to last night and Thursday night I thought to myself, “I want to go to this party but I have so many things to do, and once I get home from work I won’t have much time to get anything done.” Then I paused. That’s actually completely untrue. By the time I would get home from work I have heaps of time before I would arrive at the party. It was just a matter of realizing it and using those hours wisely. A couple hours is a lot of time if you plan and use them well.

Now sure I don’t like to have my Friday evening, or any evening, full of a to-do list. Sometimes I just want to do nothing. That’s totally fine. But when you do have things that need to get done simply pausing can make you see you in fact have much more time than you realize. You just need to realize it and plan to use it wisely.

decide what makes you happy then build that life

My older brother was in town a little while back for a work training so we got to hang out and catch up a bit. He’s going through some very cool transitions at work and in his life in general. We talked a bit about where he is, where he’s going, and some of the best strategies to get there. 

I shared one piece of unsolicited advice (a lot of advice I give is unsolicited, sorry!) that I think was really well received: In order to build the life you want, determine and understand your own values and goals then align your personal and professional moves to match them. 

What do I mean? It’s all about understanding what you ultimately want out of your life and then ensuring that your job, your friends, your partner -- everything really -- syncs up. I’ll give a few examples from myself, friends, and colleagues that I believe are relatable.

On work/life interaction (or balance): I know two women who ultimately want to run their own businesses with current/future spouses. Both of these ladies will, among other things, run the marketing programs. Since they are both in marketing functions this works out well, though their current roles were niche roles. I encouraged them both to gain experience in design and broad brand management in addition to their day jobs because this sort of experience will likely prove invaluable to them 5, 10, or 15 years down the road. While their roles at the time were specialized they were both at companies that encouraged a good deal of side-of-desk work so as a way to make this work for them I encouraged them to align their side-of-desk-work with these broad skills they wanted to develop.

Location, location, location: Another good friend of mine passed on multiple, sizable scholarships to very good graduate schools and opted to take out pretty substantial loans for a program that was close to an area where she ultimately wanted to live. Normally I would caution against this but knowing that such an important part of her happiness, her own values, and her definition of success included living in this particular area I supported it. If you know where you want to ultimately be geographically and you know certain things will impact your ability to get there positively or negatively, why would you put yourself in a position that works against this??

More on work/life with a focus on life: An age old example that comes to mind is if you’re a woman and ultimately you want to be a stay at home mother then in my opinion you should not aggressively be pursuing a path to anywhere near the executive suite. I think this can be applied to men as well, though I realize there are different pressures and compilations from how we’re socialized. Still, I stand by: If If family and other relationships are essential to your happiness then why would you act against these values at any point in your life? Again, I know that there are different pressures felt by men and women but it’s essential to see the big picture. I fear when many who don’t think “big picture” finally come up for air they will realize that they’ve lost sight of what they actually want out of this life. 

For me it boils down to the following: If you are lucky enough to know some of the key characteristics of your life that you need fulfilled in order to be happy (and since many do not, you’re lucky if you do!) and you have the ability to work towards them now, why wouldn’t you?? 

Not everything has to totally align perfectly, in fact this all should be flexible because things will come up and you’re going to have to adjust. Maybe your moves don’t exactly ladder “up” to your end goals, you might have to take a few steps to the side or back. Take my friend who took out the loans for example, some might argue that financially she’s being set back. But since her decision is ultimately linking to what she wants and her values I think the investment is warranted.

The universe isn’t going to just create a wonderful life for you. The people with the happiest lives didn’t just wake up one day in those circumstances. They identified what was important to them and then they built those lives.

Decide what’s important to you (and remember, there’s no right and wrong answer) then start making it happen. 

how to give gifts in the workplace

I read a Forbes article last week that suggested there is no social contract obligating people to reciprocate gift giving during the holiday season. Maybe it's the anthropologist in me (I studied Anthropology and Sociology in undergrad) but I disagree.

Like it or not there are multiple social contracts we all participate in by being a functioning member of society. Reciprocity is a sizable part of our this unspoken social agreement. Here's a simple way to think about reciprocity: it's your response to someone else's behavior or gift (physical, emotional, whatever). Even if you have no reaction this is still a form of reciprocity since often there is an understanding that one person doesn't have to give anything in return. This could be since the recipient of the gift or act is of a lower stature or age in society and is not expected or obligated to return the gesture. (For those who say, "Aha, what if there is no such understanding and you still don't give anything in return? Surely, that means that you've broken the social contract and this is hogwash!" Nope. You're actually giving a very powerful message by not returning the act. See how all this culture stuff works?)

But anyway, to be fair the article does mention a caveat for itself since it acknowledges that it's simply (or mostly) encouraging a younger demographic, perhaps just out of college or in grad school, to not feel compelled to spend in excess just for the sake of the holidays.

I agree with this in the sense that you shouldn't go into the red over the holidays, especially when you're just starting out, I still think it's important to acknowledge that as a member of society, like it or not, you are a part of gift exchanges during the holidays. You do need to understand what exchanges you'll participate in and what your response/role should be.

Personal gift exchanges can be complex and riddled with baggage. I will let you tackle those on your own. Instead I will focus on the type of holiday gift exchange that this article actually made me think of the most. The in a way equally important -- though for different reasons -- holiday gift exchanges in the workplace. These are particularly critical when you're new to a company or team since your personal brand and reputation is  still being crafted. (And since your success in a job will impact your ability to give gifts to family and friends I consider it almost equally important... A stretch? Yes, maybe.)

I'm not suggesting that anyone should spend a ton of money -- or equally valuable, time -- on office gifts. But again, especially when you're new to a company culture, I think it's important to consider what is appropriate for the holidays and act in accordance with that.

I remember feeling utterly embarrassed come holiday season at my first full-time job when everyone handed out small gifts (e.g., cards, homemade cookies) and I came to work empty-handed. I think I rushed to the store after work that day to grab last minute cards. No one cared that my holiday well-wishes came last minute or into the New Year for those who had already left for vacation but I was pretty red in the face.

After this experience there are a few personal strategies I now employ during the holidays at my place of work. I admit these are definitely shaped by the culture of the offices where I have been employed, but I also don't think it's a bad thing to err on the side of kindness especially during the holiday season.

Common Types of Workplace Gift Exchanges & Some General Strategies:

• Manager/Direct Report Gift Exchange - In my experience the manager often gives his or her direct report an actual gift. Nothing crazy so manage your expectations; I've gotten anything from a homemade hot chocolate mix set to kate spade stationary (both items I used eagerly!) As a direct report I've always given a thoughtful card expressing my (sincere) gratitude for what my manager has done for me over that past year. After my snafu year one I've always included my favorite holiday cookies (homemade). 

• Broader Team - Depending on the size of your team I have done personalized cards written to everyone and some cookies packaged into small bags. Other years I've made a big batch of cookies, put them in a centralized area, then sent an email to the group to let everyone know cookies from me were available for all. I think the approach you might take here depends on the size of your team, how close you might be with them, also if teammates are all in the same region. I've shipped (or actually, attempted to ship) cookies to teammates in other locations and have hit snags. Try to avoid snags.

• "White Elephant" - Sometimes offices have a clearly planned out white elephant gift exchange. This might sometimes cover all gifting though depending on the nuances of an office you might still consider nicely written cards or some holiday treats. 

• How to Handle Religion - While I think the idea of expressing your thanks and gratitude for someone's hard work and/or help over the year is pretty agnostic I understand that for many holidays are at least partially religious. Unsure how to handle this? Have a manager, a direct report, or a few key team members of different religions that fall at different times of the year or season? One of my favorite approaches is to give a New Years gift or card. This might be a bit late for 2013 but another approach is to make your gift a Thanksgiving message. I've employed the New Years tactic myself and seen both done by companies; I think both are very tasteful. 

• Simple Acknowledgement and Articulation of Appreciation - Overall I understand the holidays can put a strain on purse strings. I don't think you should expect to receive all that much from your office/work peers nor do think I too much should be expected from you. For me the broad intention of the holidays in our society is to articulate your appreciation for what you have and for what others give and do for you (your family might expect to get presents yes, but to me this is at least the broad intention...) With this in mind you can certainly take a moment to at the very least write a very sincere email to a few people you interact with on a regular basis. Depending on your personality throw in some fun emojis (or don't, I often choose to but that's just me) and an anecdote or two, just be sincere. Think this is silly? Know that one email I received as a thank you for my work that year (and some of my cookies) from senior member on a former team remains one of my favorite holiday correspondences to this day.

At the end of the day every company and working relationship -- like people and all relationships -- is unique, so use your own best judgement for what is appropriate. Ultimately as long as you're being sincere and thoughtful your intentions will come through.

Happy holiday season & happy gifting! 

my complicated relationship with NYC

I spent this past weekend with friends in Hoboken, NJ and New York City. As often happens when I spend any portion of time in/around Manhattan, small pangs course through me and I wonder what my life would have been like if I lived in the city. 

See growing up in New Jersey I just assumed I'd be living in New York in my mid/late 20s. I think this is pretty common for young adults who grow up in the tri-state area, it's almost a pilgrimage home after many spend four years away at college. 

My fourth year of undergrad I was pretty certain that by the following year I would be working for an advertising agency in the city, living on a meager salary, and running between small apartments and funky restaurants and bars at night. Instead I received and accepted a job offer to work in the marketing department at a major financial institution and moved to Richmond, Virginia. In the years that followed I made another move on the east coast and of course now further south. 

At this point I am not sure I will ever live in New York. I am also not sure if I would really want to now. If I'm really honest with myself I am not sure I ever really wanted to; maybe it was just what I thought I was supposed to do. But I do wonder if I will ever look back and regret not trying my hand at NYC living.

Don't get me wrong. I have loved living in different cities, meeting new people, and having my own unique experiences. I really think a non-NYC living situation was the best move for me, personally. While New York City is often considered to be the city to find any and all types of people and points of view, I think there's something to be said about being exposed to different people and points of view in different areas. Consider that rather than learning about the perspective and life of a person born and raised in Georgia while living in Manhattan I get to do that while in Georgia myself.

Still my relationship with New York remains complex. But maybe all of our relationships with the cities we live in -- perhaps as well some cities we actively don't live in -- are complex. A great friend of mine who has spent almost all of her 20s in Manhattan mentioned  this weekend that she sometimes wonders if she's missing out on not trying other areas the way I have. I will never know if one day I'll regret not living in New York just like she'll never know if she'll regret not trying another place. But that's not any way to live; there's no way of knowing if you're missing out on some other life that you would have had if you took a different path. 

There are so many possibilities and options for our lives in this world. Sometimes I wish I could have nine lives and pick a different path each time. But we get one. And since the grass can be greener elsewhere at times I think it boils down to us needing to know what types of experiences we each uniquely crave and want and then making choices that best match.

And if all else fails, I keep in mind something Mom reminded me of before I headed out for my NY adventures this past weekend... She reminded me just how lucky I am to be able to get know so many areas, both from my own living experiences and from all my visits to friends. So maybe I won't ever live in NYC or some other cool places I might have if I had those nine lives, but at least I get to try them all on for size a little bit.

Enjoying breakfast on the Hudson River Park Pier as I pretend to be a New Yorker for the morning