Thanksgiving "break"

On Monday I'm going home for the first time since moving. For the first time since the spring actually. I've been looking forward to it of course but no more than usual which is not what I expected. I actually sort of forgot about the holiday and my travel plans; it sort of snuck up on me.

It sort of feels like being back in college, back in freshmen year or maybe second year. You're having so much fun and enjoying everything and all the new, different people you're meeting. But also it's around this time you're sort of getting over that particular semester. I guess in school it's also because finals are coming up and you’re ready to either end strong or just cut your losses with a class. (Note: your last year and arguably your third year  -- yup, we speak UVA lingo on this blog -- this is not the case since you pivot and start to just soak it all up since you know undergrad will end at some point)

I think this is where I am right now. 

I am ready for a change of scenery. For a break of my routine. Don't take this the wrong way (esp ATL friends who might read this!) but I am ready to start to MISS Atlanta.

I want to leave for a while, and not just one of the two weekend getaways I've taken, which have been both for wedding related trips. I am ready to get away, to see my family and my friends from high school, and then a few days in get completely over being in my parents' house and crave the day I return to Atlanta.

Sometimes you need to be away from something -- a place or a person or whatever -- to miss it and really appreciate it. At least I hope this is how it all works!

follow me on bloglovin

I am told I need to link my blog to bloglovin. Well here it goes…

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Additionally I have to say that I am quite pleased with myself that I was able to decipher the [really straightforward] instructions of how to embed that HTML to my blog (shout out to bloglovin). For someone who works at a technology company I can be really antiquated myself sometimes...

a movie review of “This is 40”

Okay so this actually is not a movie review of “This is 40.” This is if you’re really jones-ing for one. I liked it a bit more than Rotten Tomatoes but hey.

I did watch “This is 40”  the other day and along with generally enjoying it and the whirlwind of emotions that the movie evoked in me (knee-slapper AND tear jerker, though I am pretty sensitive) what it made me think about most is that you never know what someone has going on in his or her life.

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and it’s completely true. I think we all know it but it’s easy to forget. Though it’s something we’re quick to remember when something or someone really gets to us or gets us down. 

It’s like those things you don’t want or don’t need until you do. Like insurance. Or like the people you don’t think you will miss then once they’re out of your life BAM, you do. Like your parents when you go away to college. Other people too. 

A friend of mine posted this picture on Instagram a while back and was nice enough to send it to me and let me post it (gracias MA!!) It seemed like a fitting thing to share in this post. I think there’s a Winston Churchill quote that’s pretty similar.  

Beautiful post-if from the stacks of UVA

You don’t always someone’s situation or story. And even when you do there’s no way to be sure that you know all of it, all the time.

So be kind. Have compassion and empathy and just treat people how you’d like to be treated. 

mi padre’s birthday

Yesterday was my dad’s birthday. So that you are a little more invested in this, here’s a picture of him:

Pic of him maybe 30 years ago?

He’s a great guy. A smart guy. I am not super close with him. I wish I was and hopefully that will change one day, I just don’t really know how to change it. I was thinking the other day that if I’ve been so aware of all this other change in my life why shouldn’t I be able to change my relationship with him?

Since I was so successful (well, pretty successful) with posting something here so to hold myself accountable I thought I’d give it a try again. Also since I am trying to be a bit more open as a person I thought this would be a good step in that regard as well.

Maybe over Thanksgiving I will say something. Maybe I will just try to be more tuned into to his energy and statements and things like that. I am not sure what I'll actually do or what the result will be but like I’ve written about before (here) step 1 in change management is acknowledging you want or need a change. So that’s that.

soft pretzels, boxes, and buffalo chicken dip: weekend recap

Well, I am proud to say that I have accomplished a good deal of the things on my to-do list this weekend! And for those lucky recipients of all my snap chats, I didn't skip a beat did I??!

Friday I was able to duck out of work a little early, relaxed, worked out, ate my staple quinoa stuffed peppers, then was quite content with sitting on my couch with a big glass of vino and watching a movie but my friend who I haven't seen in a few weeks called me. Despite my hair being dirty I decided to head out. I threw my hair in a sock bun (I know, the fact that I have been consistently leaving my apartment without clean hair is surprising to me too, but again, it's all about growth and self-improvement!) and I headed over to my friends' house. 

We had a few beers, had a little dance party, then headed over to this GA Tech bar called Orsmby's that has a basement filled with games. I was basically in heaven. The night ended with us binge eating soft pretzels with cheese whiz and French fries. I mean, I guess I would have at least had popcorn if I had stayed in so I decided it was okay.

Saturday I was up bright and early to get my car I had left at my friends house. Since their house is nearby Ikea I decided I would get a head start on my errands. I got the shelving units and this faux sheep skin throw for my living room that I had wanted. That put me around $160 and I had a coupon for $25 off when you spend $250 I thought I might as well spend another $100. Whoops?

Grand total was $248. 76 after discount. I might take some stuff back once I figure out how it'll all live together. Here are some of my favorite pieces:

Rug for my entryway, not sure if it’s a keeper or not

Gold wreath I am OBSESSED with (been looking for one like this for almost 3 years)

Faux fur rug/throw

After Ikea I did some major sweating to rid myself of all my late night treats then joined some friends at a house party for the Georgia football game. UGA lost in probably one of the craziest unplanned trick plays ever. Since I am not a dawg this impacted me most in the fact that I had my phone all prepped to capture the reaction of the house after UGA regained possession of the ball via snap chat but since Auburn ended up scoring a touchdown I was left with nothing. After the game there was a short period of mourning followed by some dance party action, some pizza, some fireball, then we went out in Buckhead.

Today I went to brunch at Two Urban Licks which was delishhhhh but my eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach and I left a lot on the table. I did find room for some bubble tea and macaroons after though. Oops?

I did a bit of blogging this afternoon so be on the lookout for some juicy new posts over the next few days. Then this evening I went to Menchie’s for froyo then went to my friend’s apartment to play with the new puppy her parents just got.

Successful weekend if I say so myself. I will leave you with a few pictures from the weekend and a funny comment I made to my friend on gchat earlier about models. Sorry to anyone who is a model, I don’t really mean it (or do I? No, I really don’t).

My friend’s ADORABLE puppy, Riley

The damage from Ikea

Didn’t totally think through how this would all fit in my car, good news is that somehow it all did!

Newly framed pictures

Annnnd the shelves are still in their boxes

And since I think I am so funny, a snippet from a gchat earlier:

me:  I think all models should be confined to an island

or all have TERRIBLE personalities

and not be allowed to use moisturizer so they get all wrinkly

that is what I think

can we make lateral moves in our personal lives as well?

Perhaps the most prevailing, healthiest school of thought regarding personal progress is to not compare yourself to others. Instead, compare yourself to yourself. Seek self-improvement year-over-year or over other periods of time. 

I most definitely agree with this and try to measure my own growth in this way. Though I wonder, is it okay to have lateral growth in your personal life?

Professionally, especially after a few years into the workplace or once a person hits a steady stride in his or her career, lateral moves and growth should be expected and sought out. Personally I’ve already made two very decided lateral moves in my career.

When I moved from Richmond to DC a few years ago I remained at the same company, in the same department, but moved to a different team. I left what was a very sexy role that offered me significant exposure to very senior executives (I’m talking C-level). I know some people, especially in my own peer set, must have thought I was crazy. But it was thought-out. I was intentionally diversifying myself so to broaden my own experience, figure out what I liked and didn’t like, as well as what I was good at and what I wasn’t so good at. After about a year I made another lateral move. Again, I am sure there were skeptics and people who had strong perspectives about my choices. Again, it was all very thought-out. 

Sure, I took a risk in these moves. I could have most certainly realized that the first role was in fact what I should have stuck with. I’m sure my career and life would have been fine -- wonderful in fact -- had I done that, but I personally needed more. 

I believe 100% that while my lateral moves might have seemingly stagnated me for a few years they taught me an incredible amount, made me more well rounded and experienced, and set me up to be catapulted to where I am today.

I would think most professionals, provided they are comfortable taking thought-out risks, would agree with lateral moves at some point in a career. I wonder though, can we make lateral moves in our personal lives?

I have a friend who once told me when he broke up with a longtime girlfriend that for him life and relationships were about growth. He and this girl were no longer growing together, which meant to him, that they were growing apart. While I believe this to an extent in relationships, if you’re not growing [upwards] as a person is it not progress to grow in a different way?

I’m not talking about getting fat here. I’m talking about maybe taking two steps forward but then floundering, making some mistakes, and maybe taking one step, or sometimes two, or sometimes even three steps back. But learning from these stumbles, picking yourself up, and continuing on. We encourage this professionally, but do we -- can we, or should we -- encourage this personally or socially?

I'm all about progress. I consider myself a pretty driven, put together person. Though I'm human and I have my moments when I am a mess. 

Some of my close friends might have an idea what is driving me to consider this. I don’t know the answer and I am not making excuses, but if it’s all about growth why do we have to control the way -- upwards or outwards -- that we grow? If we’re learning we’re learning and to me that’s progress. 

seeking some accountability

I find when I write things down I am much more accountable. Well, in an effort to hold myself accountable to some upcoming goals (pretty basic stuff) and to finally be completely settled into my new apartment, I will leverage my blog.

To set the stage know that I’ve felt like today was Friday all week. This is the worst because, well, today is Thursday. The bad news is that this will make tomorrow a bummer but the good news (I’m a silver linings person) is that this gives me a bit more time to think about the things I’d like to actually get done this weekend. 

I've been having some super fun weekends recently. I know, why stop now? I don’t plan on having a boring or bad weekend, I just really need to get organized in a few specific areas of my life. Don't worry, those on my distro list will still get the daily quota of snaps (gotta to my part to keep their valuation near that $3B mark, right?!) I just need to use my time more, err, wisely.

With that, here are the main things I’d like to do:

• Purchase and put up this bookshelf (Side note: normally I am not a huge Ikea fan but I have a TV stand and a desk that I surprisingly love and plan on getting the bookshelf from the same line; on top of not usually loving Ikea I often don’t like matchy-matchy pieces, just trying something different here; finally I don’t think I’ll paint it but that’s a cute idea for another apartment and this is the link I lifted from Pinterest)
• Put books/DVDs/pictures on bookshelf (have them in boxes in the place where said bookshelf will hopefully soon live)
• Look for frames for 3 photos I'd like to add to my photo wall 
• Start to think about Xmas gifts for family/friends

All pretty do-able stuff. Let's see what I can declare checked off come Sunday night/Monday morning. I am also interested in how I react to public accountability!

Finally for some visual interest, here are some before pictures….

A little to the left of this back corner will be where my new bookshelf lives

Some of my boxes of books (we’ll see what all fits)

Picture wall as of right now (don’t judge the messy papers/boxes to the left of my desk)

*Thanks to CLo for the interior decorating tips! 

The case for investing in cute clothes for work

How many times have we all needed to justify an expensive clothing purchase for work? Maybe a nice sweater, or a button-up, or a pair of heels (or two of the same pair: one for work and one for going out)? Whether you have had to justify this to yourself, a partner, or a parent (though I'm a big fan of self-sufficiency...) keep reading to learn why I support moving forward with such purchases.

When a person (okay, maybe only girls, I'll do some research on fellas and get back to you) wears an outfit she's super happy with, maybe she feels sexy, or smart, or skinny, or just all around confident, she feels better about herself; her actions and demeanor reflect this. Women’s lib-ers, don’t get hateful, I’m one of the biggest feminists you’ll ever meet, this is just science. Okay, it’s not science but I can tell you that personally, my overall disposition is impacted by wearing a great outfit and I know almost all of my friends are impacted the same way.

This was also true for me in college though slightly different since I'd rock Norts and a frat T like any sorority girl most days but when I had an exam I needed to be put together. If you maintained the “didn’t try” vibe all the time(but we all know you spent some time trying to achieve that...) consider how you pulled yourself together during a presentation.

Or beyond college think about how you’ve dressed when meeting the parents of a significant other. Or when you know you're going to a happy hour after work and you wear a favorite outfit and/or bring your makeup bag to touch up before heading into the bar. I do both of these things. In fact, since it’s a rare occasion that I turn down an impromptu happy hour, I find myself slightly annoyed if I’m wearing something boring or don’t have my makeup bag.

I think we’d all agree that this is pretty Girl 101 stuff. But it’s top of mind for me after thinking about this from a different perspective recently. The other day I overslept aggressively. Getting ready in a hurry I put on what is quite possibly the weirdest outfit I’ve worn since elementary school (keep in mind that I wore A LOT of tie dye back then, and not all the cool tie dye that I wear nowadays…)

I tried to block this outfit out of my mind but I think I had on a tan shrug from wet seal (literally from high school, maybe even middle school) over a black cami (thick straps thankfully -- my only saving grace), black slacks, gold-ish flats (nope, didn’t even try to save this outfit with heels), and this random necklace an ex-boyfriend brought me back from Israel (totally over him, it’s just a cool necklace that I’ve never gotten rid of).

It could have been worse, yes, but I have been showing up MUCH better ever since I started actually using Pinterest and sometimes looking at it in the morning when I get dressed (has everyone else already been doing this?!)

Anyway, then I had a bad day. Not a get fired, or a make an ass out if yourself in the office, or even a sob your eyes out on the drive home behind yor sunglasses (though, this reminds me that I was wearing my eyeglasses, which really needed to be adjusted so were a tad crooked on my face). Just a bad day.

Of course I probably would have had the same day if I had worn something different but there was a moment after stripping out of this disgusting outfit the second I got home when I wondered if I was in something a tad cuter, something I was happy and confident in, if the bad parts of the day would have rolled off me. Again, I realize that the chances that I would have had a very similar day are high but maybe my outfit would have made me more confident or maybe I would have at least been distracted and the day wouldn't have affected me so much.

I think it’s a fair and real to think that the better you look the better you feel, and when you feel good you are able to perform better.

Note: I am not advocating irresponsible spending; those who know me know how, err, frugal, I am. I am simply advocating how fashion choices can improve your mood, self-confidence, and in turn (I think) productivity. If you can live your best life in a pair of black slacks and a white button up (I call this the middle school ensemble band look...) then more power to ya, but I sometimes I need a little boost and I think that’s okay.

But hey, if a bad day comes regardless of your outfit, just head on home, put on some sweats, pop open a bottle of red vino and I promise, your day will get better. 

weekend recap

Well, this was a fun and interesting weekend. Will share some favorite parts...

Friday I went to see a movie with a friend which was a nice, low-key change of pace. We saw "Bad Grandpa" which was actually hysterical. 

Saturday was action-packed. Did a Fly Barre class which was amazing and hard and I'm still feeling it; then got manis and pedis with some girls. Watched the UVA/UNC game at a UVA alumni event, though most of the people who were there were not from UVA but from Vanderbilt so it turned into a bit of a Vandy viewing party. I went to an event for Junior Committee, which I've mentioned before. It was casino themed so I woke up with some chips in my purse. 

Sunday I went to the Falcons/Seahawks game which was awesome. I have been wanting to go to a game so when a friend was given some tickets from a partner at his office I was easily convinced to join. Ate a lot of wings and chips and queso. Solid Sunday. 

Did hear some bad news this weekend. A friend of mine down here who moved to be with her boyfriend just ended things with said (now ex) boyfriend. I have another friend who I mentioned in a previous post who had something very, very similar happen. Really sad. Not much more to say. I plan on seeing her a lot over the next few days/weeks. She mentioned that she was really happy to have my positive energy in her life right now. I'm glad that there's legitimately a little bit of comfort I can give her. Break ups are always really hard. 

All and all, a good and fun/funny weekend. Big shout out to everyone I spent time with, especially Saturday, and anyone who got my snap chats this weekend. I'll just leave it at that and leave you with a photo from the Falcons game.

Our seats were closer to the bottom left corner, this is in front of Taco Mac in the Georgia Dome

feedback part 2

A little while ago I wrote about the importance of asking for feedback. A good friend of mine mentioned to me that she read my post (YAY!) and it reminded her that she needed to do this herself. She also mentioned that she wasn’t quite sure how she should go about it.

See, she's pretty new in her role as well. She also came from a company with a more formalized process. This inspired me to write up some thoughts on requesting feedback when your company doesn’t offer it up to you in a super formal way.

With that, here ya go!

• Conversation add-on - Usually I am all about being upfront but when requesting feedback not during a formal review I have personally felt the most comfortable, and had success, in ending a conversation with this request. I have usually said something like, “I was also hoping to check-in and get some feedback from you on my progress” at the end of a routine check-in with a manager. Maybe saying “hoping” is a cop out and I should be more direct but this has worked for me and has made me feel the most comfortable.

• Behind closed doors - Hey, it’s your feedback and your office but I’m a fan of privacy for these kinds of conversations. Typically formal reviews are in private, but if you and your manager sometimes have your check-ins in an open area perhaps steer him or her in the direction of a huddle room for this conversation. You want to feel like you have the room to be open and honest, you also want to be sure you give your manager this room. I have witnessed feedback sessions out in the open in offices and let me tell you, it’s weird. Even if the feedback is going to be positive don’t be that person. 

• Be confident, not cocky - So clever and original, I know. But really, you should be confident when requesting feedback. Also position your request in a way that makes you feel comfortable (see my approach above), when you’re comfortable you’re likely to be more confident.

• Come prepared with your own feedback - Feedback conversations are a two-way street, at a minimum you should be actively listening (perhaps you offer up ways to incorporate the feedback into your routine to be sure you’re hearing it correctly) but you should also come with your own thoughts about your performance. Be truthful, don’t say that you work too hard (unless you do, then maybe rather than saying something like you “care too much” position it as you “take on too much”). Come with your own positive feedback too, remember you’re your biggest advocate and while your manager should be invested in you since your successes directly impacts  his or her success you can’t always control this; you can control what your manager hears during this conversation so why not lay out explicitly all the awesome things you’ve been up to.

• Your feedback should also be about your manager - Yes this is about you, mostly. But your manager is also a part of your development and you are a part of his or hers. It’s totally fair for your manager to ask for feedback from you as part of this conversation, in fact you should expect it. Have some real thoughts ready.

• Be ready to have the convo now, or later - No one likes to be blindsided; you don’t want to be startled by negative feedback out of nowhere but your manager (or whomever you’re soliciting feedback from) doesn’t want to be startled either. Don’t put him or her on the spot. If he or she gives you some immediately, that’s great, but if he or she doesn’t that’s fine too. Schedule time a few days out (I’d keep it within 2 weeks) and have a conversation about it. 

• So cliché, but be open - Don’t, I repeat, don’t get defensive. You are asking for feedback and you should want to hear it. Even if there are some bad things in there don’t you want to know what they are? Be open, be calm, be poised. If you are taken aback by something or if you just need more time to digest know that you can always revisit the conversation. You can say something like, “I never thought of it like that. I’d like to think about a few ways to apply that feedback then run them past you.” Another approach is simply, “I'd like to digest this all a bit. I might have some questions later on.” 

• Know that you’re doing the right thing, and you’re growing - Even if you’re a little uncomfortable with this sort of conversation know that you’re getting better from it. It’ll get easier each time and you’ll get better each time-- at it and in general.  

Halloweekend recap

It's been a jam-packed past few days. I was so exhausted that I literally went to bed at 9:30 last night. Definitely not the earliest I've been under my covers as an adult, but the earliest in a long time.

Why so tired? Well, Halloween was last week of course, which, if you know me, means one thing: I’ve worn a wig a couple times over the past few days. On top of that there's just been a ton going on. Some highlights and pictures below. 

It really has been a super fun Halloweekend (a phrase my best friend in college was really fond of). Atlanta seemed to sorta go crazy during Halloween. Social craziness is understandable but in the office people were also in a tizzy. I think it’s always fun whenever an office sort of gets "spring fever" in anticipation of a holiday. By 3pm Wednesday the general feeling around my office, and by the influx of snap chats after lunch, Atlanta seemed to be in Halloween mode. I will also assume that everyone had ingested about 7-9 pieces of miniature candy by this point.

I did have a lot to do so it was a bit of a challenge to stay focused. More to come another time on some of the strategies I employed this week. 

On Halloween itself I went to work as Kris Jenner. Here's a little snapshot of our guest at my office:

It makes me even happier that my manager took this pic

One of my top costumes, but I think what I wore to a Halloween party on Friday might be the best I've ever done. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Judge Judy:  

Repurposed graduation gown, gavel from Model UN in high school, and of course the wig

The rest of the weekend included lots of dining out (Mexican and tapas Saturday aka SOO much queso dip), celebrating a friend's birthday, and playing -- but losing -- in kickball championships. 

And now back to the normal grind. Since there are no mid-week holidays for a while I am hoping to return to a bit of a routine for the sake of my waistline and wallet since 9 out the 16 meals I ate Tuesday - Sunday were at restaurants or take out. 

As one of my insightful friends said to me on Sunday, "There will always be time to workout/clean/eat healthy.” Although, if you know me you know I have no plans to do a ton of cleaning with any free time...