I've always admired artists. For their talent (in part driven by my sheer inability to sing) but also in their openness and willingness to be vulnerable.
Artists - musicians, writers, poets - just put it all out there in, well, their art. They share their thoughts, feelings, embarrassments, triumphs, hurts. Yes, money is often part of their drive, but isn't it the dream to get paid to do something you're passionate about?
Artists don't get (or don't seem to get) worried about what their friends or family think, I would guess because large groups of people are going to have a whole host of thoughts and perceptions of them, both good and bad. And even a little self-conscious they still do it.
While I've never been a necessarily "closed off" person I definitely keep certain things to myself and likewise only share certain things with specific people. Being vulnerable is scary but it's essential for human success. Yes, human success which I have decided means to being a happy, successful person, which is something we all define for ourselves.
For me part of my human success includes being a contributing, inspiring member and leader of a professional team. So naturally I need to be vulnerable in some way professionally.... Right?
Recently I read this blog post on HBR about showing vulnerability. In it Michael Simmons references a study done by Arthur Aron, social psychologist and director of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University.
Essentially the study (entire account can found here) examines the difference in the strength and depth of relationships forged when two strangers ask factual and shallow questions (e.g., favorite TV show) as compared to when they ask questions that became gradually deeper (e.g., the last time they cried in front of someone, which family member's death would they be most disturbed by?)
Not surprisingly the results showed that the pairs with the deeper questions forged much stronger, more intimate, and lasting bonds.
So to recap, being vulnerable is important to build strong relationships. But being vulnerable is difficult. Being vulnerable at work I presume is somewhat important based on your work, your company, and who you are. But still what is the appropriate level for the different relationships we have in our lives? There's clearly no one right answer and to even search for one is likely shallow.
Last week I was in a grouchy mood. I don't really know why, I just was. The best I can do to explain it is to say that my equilibrium felt off. I know it was apparent. I can say that with confidence because a coworker actually approached me about it.
This week I was more mindful of it. I did some yoga, cleared my head, found my center. I could feel me usual energy coming back and by yesterday felt like I was my upbeat, energetic self.
I felt like I was back to inspiring my office in part by my energy. But that didn't feel like it was enough.
While I didn't snap or say anything harsh to my inquiring coworker who was simply being thoughtful I felt that it was the right, considerate, vulnerable thing to do to acknowledge that I was in a little mental rut. So I did.
It was a little self-experiment about pushing myself to share something about my inner workings professionally. This might not count as one of the types of things to share to build lasting, intimate connects like Simmons' experiment, but it felt good as my own personal experiment.
Do you let yourself be vulnerable in all your relationships or surroundings? Do you want to do so more? Give it a try! Baby steps count (think about how I pushed myself outside my comfort zone just by wearing new pants) so find a small way to open yourself up and give it a whirl!
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