This morning I was heading into the office and had to merge into the entrance ramp to the highway. I wasn't in any particular rush; it was 7:15, I needed to be in for a call at 8:00, and I was about 20 minutes away. But I did need to get onto the ramp so during an opening between cars I popped in. The Porsche SUV behind me clearly took offense to this and while I was still on the entrance ramp and the two lanes had turned to one, this car speed up, and passed me on the entrance ramp with only one lane!
Since I wasn't running late my reaction was an internal shrug of my shoulders. But then not two minutes later I noticed that I had merged over to the left land before the Porsche did and now was effectively "ahead" of the driver. I felt an acute sense of satisfaction from this.
I was alone in my car but I felt myself becoming embarrassed. I realized how irrational it was to participate in this self-created, one-sided "race." I was getting myself all worked up before I had even had my breakfast; and for the sake of what?
I decided to consciously let it go, and physically slowed myself and watched as the driver sped past me. I arrived to my office at 7:34, well before my meeting giving me enough time to eat my breakfast, clean out my inbox, prep for a few meetings, and read an article.
But later this morning I thought about this earlier mental dialogue I had. This use of energy and driving impatience (I don't think I have full out road rage but some may disagree) is unproductive, causes unnecessary stress, and is generally just unattractive. Further, when you boil it down isn't this a dangerous way to release this energy? On top of the inherent dangers of distracted (or impatient or enraged) driving, I live in one of the most notorious cities for heavy traffic.
Clearly thinking about this under a microscope now I began to wonder whether this impatience was a manifestation of some other parts of my life. Since I don't consider myself an angry person really at all this was a little befuddling.
Were irritations, impatience, and flat out aggressions from my life surfacing in my driving? Maybe. Maybe not. But even if my impatient driving wasn't a manifestation of other feelings it's not something that I take particular pride in. And if it is, well, it will likely improve other areas of my life and mood if I change this.
With that I give you an experiment I will embark on: 30 days of [driving with] patience.
I plan to apply it to all facets of my life but will have a laser focus on the time I drive. Since I'm human I doubt I will be able to simply rid myself of all these feelings just by saying I plan to, but I will be conscious of not channeling and welcoming these feelings.
I'll blog about it every so often so to hold myself accountable and to share updates as I hopefully rid myself of some of this impatience.
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