be purposeful, like Miley Cyrus

At the risk of being grossly late on this moment in American culture I wanted to put some thoughts to paper (err -- out in cyberspace) about what Miley Cyrus has been doing lately. 

Note: This is not an “open letter to Miley Cyrus.” I love reading those but quite frankly I am not funny enough for that. This is about her style, her approach to what she’s doing. In short: I love it and everyone needs to be this purposeful when going through a personal and/or professional change.

So I'll admit it, a little while ago I watched Miley’s special “The Movement” on MTV. There was too much going on about her in the media not to DVR it and late one weeknight when I should have been in bed it was calling to me from my DVR queue.

I was more than surprised and impressed at how thought-out all of her moves these last few months have been. 

I watched only part of the VMSa (for the *NSYNC reunion obviously) and did see her performance live. Of course I also saw a lot of the coverage after, the controversy of her outfit, behavior, tongue, etc. I thought, “Hey you’re an artist, you’re young, you do what you want.” I thought she had gotten great exposure by this extension of her moment, but I did think to myself, “She could have been more polished. Why not have an out there but really GOOD performance that everyone talks about??” 

I thought this under the assumption that she wasn’t thinking through her approach. After watching her special, boy was I wrong. 

Assuming she was being truthful in her MTV special, and I will make that assumption, everything from cutting her hair, to her statements on morning talk shows, to the timing of her singles and both releases of her documentary (which is obvious), have been thought through. And perhaps more impressive -- by her, not by a management machine. 

She has what I consider to be one of the most important things to go through a successful personal and/or professional change: a vision. Perhaps it’s not *totally* clear to her where she’ll end up in 1, 5, 10 years, and that’s okay. In fact it’s probably better, she’s giving herself wiggle room to continue to evolve. At a minimum she knows she wants a change and she is controlling who she becomes and how. That’s powerful. It’s inspiring and smart. 

It’s how everyone should operate when going through a change. Need a few clearer steps? Here’s a recap of some things that Miley has done (I’ve also thrown in things I have done) that can be applied to your change:

1. Understand you want something to change
Like many first steps, the first step is to admit you have a problem. Sometimes you know exactly what you want to change and sometimes you just know you need *something* to change. At a minimum Miley probably knew she wanted to step away from her Hannah Montana image. At first I knew I just needed something to be different. 

2. Figure out what you want to change
I assume that Miley knew she wanted a bolder image. I was able to hone in on the fact that it was time to take the next step professionally and that a different geographic location would probably do me some good.

3. Figure out how this is going to be accomplished
I’m sure Miley knew, or soon figured out, that this would mean exposing herself and her new style of music, her new haircut, her new style. I knew this would mean some job applications, interviews, and ultimately relocating. 

4. Figure out what this actually means for you 
Miley likely knew there would be backlash, she may have welcomed it because once the backlash hit it meant she was getting somewhere. I knew I would be thrown outside my comfort zone and have to physically move, acclimate to a new office and a new city, make new friends seemingly out of thin air, and recreate a life for myself. I think we both knew there would be ups and downs but it would be worth it.

5. Make it happen
That’s it. No one else will do it for you. Make it happen.

I’m not in any way saying to become Miley, or even that all change has to be radical. I’m simply saying there are elements in her approach we can all learn from.

Of course there are some things she’s done that we can make a point to not do. In my opinion she needs to let go of this effort to be perfect all the time. This is a waste of time. There are going to be bumps, and as best you can you need to embrace them. 

Still, kudos to Miley. Become inspired by her purpose-driven approach. Realize not everything will be perfect along the way, but if you think through your moves you can control where you end up.

And finally, keep in mind what our girl says, “At the end of the say the only person who has to be happy is me."

weekend (really whole week) recap

I should really do a whole week recap since I’ve been out and about since my kickball game last Tuesday. I’ll do some quick hits from the workweek then go through the fun things I’ve done this weekend in Atlanta!

Monday was moving day. You can read all about that here. 

Tuesday I played kickball. I was remote most of the day with my move so I was able to meet a few people on the team for a drink before the game. TBD if I played better with a beer or not. 

Wednesday I went to a Junior Committee meeting (Junior Committee is an organization of young Atlantans who put on fundraisers for recreational therapy for the Shepard Center; the largest event is Derby Day which is on the day of the Kentucky Derby and might be a fun weekend for friends to come visit if anyone is interested! You can read more here) then out for drinks after. 

Thursday was a slow start following the Wednesday night drinks then ended with a Levo League event. Levo League is a community for Gen Y women centered on professional success. This was the first part of a two part personal branding series that my friend put on (fun fact: I’ll be conducting the second part, more to come on that once the details are firmed up!) Read about it here. It was a fabulous night and really fun! Then I came home and had a nice Google hangout date with one of my friends from DC.

Friday I attended a marketing and technology in real estate conference downtown which was really interesting. Since I was out of the office all day I had some work to catch up on once I got home so I had a pretty low key evening (which was also welcomed after a pretty jam-packed week). The highlight was making some delish quinoa stuffed peppers. I snap chatted a picture out but didn’t save it to my phone so some of you might have seen the finished product, the rest will just have to trust that I do make a mean quinoa stuffed bell pepper.

Saturday I slept in, went to the gym, organized my still slightly disorganized apartment, then headed over to what is becoming a bar that I frequent perhaps a bit too frequently (it’s where we go after kickball and where we went after Jr Committee Wednesday) for a UVA game watching party with the alum network down here.

After that I went to Midtown to hang out with my friend who moved down here with her now ex bf (mentioned her in my weekend recap from last weekend). She had a friend visiting again (so amazing that she’s had such support from family and friends!) so I caught up with them. 

Later on I donned a blazer and a chauffeur hat that I had in my costume bin from this time I thought it would be hysterical to pick up my ex-boyfriend who I dated long distance from the airport dressed up as a chauffeur (note: he did not think it was that funny) and went out for some early Halloween celebrations. We frolicked all over Buckhead which was super fun.

Sunday I moved pretty slowly all day as a result of all of the Saturday night frolicking but made typical Sunday Trader Joe’s run. I caught up on some DVRed TV then did another Sunday night Menchie’s trip with some girlfriends (since we all had our coupons for a free 5 oz!)

All and all a good weekend, really a good week! And fired up for this week since it includes one of my favorite days of the year: Halloween! Stay tuned for my next weekend/week recap!

third move in five months complete!

Typing out the title of this post made me cringe. Yes, I just moved apartments for the third time since the end of May. 

This was by far the easiest move I think I’ve ever made (aside from that time my best friend and her grandfather literally moved my things for me one summer in college while I was living in Spain -- I definitely did not thank her enough for that!! -- THANK YOU MVP!!) but even when it’s relatively easy, moving is the worst. 

Rather than whining and focusing on painful moving is, I’ll highlight why this was the [second] easiest move ever for me. 

1. Movers
This is obvious but movers really make everything so easy because they literally do it all for you. Perhaps you help a little like I did (meaning: carry some light items the first round or two) but really your job is to supervise. 

On top of not having to carry my actual stuff the best part of using movers this time was that I got to spend the majority of the move time unpacking. This was incredibly helpful since by the time the movers had left I wasn’t simply left alone with bags and boxes of stuff everywhere but instead I had made progress unpacking. 

I know movers can be pricey but there were so many coupon deals here in Atlanta, and I bet elsewhere, that it probably would have been a similar price to pay off friends with pizza and beer to help (and I’d have had to help move then too!)

2. I lived in literally the exact same unit
This was helpful since I knew exactly where I wanted to put everything from my bureaus to the clothes in my closet to pictures on the wall. Of course not everyone is as lucky as me (or perhaps more accurately, as crazy as me) to move from one unit to another with the exact same layout in the same building, but doing some mental prep work on in advance has bound to help everyone tenfold.

3. I had just moved, twice
This was really a wildcard. I wasn’t sure if I was just going to be so fed up with moving so many times that this third time would just be too much, or if I had  basically become a professional mover and this would be a breeze. Lucky it was more of the latter. 

I had a routine, a rhythm, and I knew how long most things took to do. I was realistic and I knew that even with three moves in five months (okay, I have to stop reminding myself of that stat) this would still suck a little and I was realistic with myself in terms of how long it would take. 

4. Moving within the same building
This was super helpful since I saved money and time on not needing a truck. I was also able to avoid packing everything in boxes (packing everything carefully in boxes for my long distance move was surprisingly the worst!) but instead I could use bags and had some awkward items just carried on their own. 

Perhaps the best perk was not having to take off all my clothes from their hangers, pack them, only to unpack, and rehang them. Unless I’m hanging something brand new up in my closet for the first time, I hate the physical act of hanging clothing up. 

A few years/moves ago a friend of mine gave me the tip to cut a hole at the bottom of a garbage bag and then place the bag around a group of clothes while on hangers. It keeps clothes clean, together, and most importantly still on the hangers once you get to your new place. 

Clothing in trash bags

Not glamorous but very practical packing method

I’m almost completely settled. I have a few more bags to unpack; they’re full of things that I should probably just throw out since some of them have been untouched since I got to Georgia. I also have some picture hanging to do. As I get back to unpacking and the bliss of being in an apartment more than a few months I will leave you with some other pictures to document this great moment in my life… Enjoy!

Old unit… New unit looks almost exactly the same

New neighbors (they have children, and yup a pup)

weekend recap

When I was in college I would write “weekend recap” emails to my friends from home. They were always a big hit, I’m told because the content was often a little self-depreicating and since I would write the way I would talk; they would tell me it was as if they could hear me telling the stories to them in person. 

This will be my first weekend recap I post here. The content might be a little filtered since this is the Internet. I’ll also try to be succinct but when I talk about my weekend/activities/tell stories in general I tend to ramble a bit. I also get differing opinions of whether I tell good stories or not so you can be the judge for yourself. Here goes nothing!

This weekend was fun. I worked super late Friday (well, super late for a Friday) so came home and quickly showered/got ready then met some friends for dinner at Treehouse  in Lindbergh. I drove over to a friend’s apartment and we walked to the restaurant, that was literally one of the first times I was able to walk anywhere in Atlanta and it made me so happy. (One of my few hangups with the city is that it’s not walkable) Ate and had drinks with some people on the kickball team I recently joined. Then after dinner walked (again!) to Publix to get some beer then watched Hocus Pocus with some of the dinner crowd who didn’t head home. One thing to point out here: this marks the second and a half time I’ve watched Hocus Pocus this Halloween season. 

Saturday I was amazingly productive and packed a ton for my upcoming inter-apartment building move. Also worked out which has been falling off my priority wagon recently so that felt good. Then went to a UVA Alumni Network event at Monday Night Brewing which was awesome. The venue is super cool and it was nice to do a UVA-centered event; having lived around my alma mater for the past four years I am used to a lot of things Virginia or Charlottesville related especially in the fall so this was a nice taste of VA in ATL.

Went to a house party with some girls after. A few highlights from that: there was a huge bonfire and my friend and I walked into the kitchen at the very second a pizza was being pulled out (incredible timing). Oh and to be sure there’s no confusion whether or not I’m hugely lame, reminder that I’m filtering content on the Internet.

Sunday I was lazy for a solid few hours which was much needed. Then I went over to my friend’s new apartment in Midtown. She moved to Atlanta in the spring with her boyfriend and they ended things a few weeks ago so she recently moved across town (closer to me!)  The situation is really awful though these things happen and I have to say, she’s doing remarkably well. 

Fun, personal fact about me: for a little while I was really considering moving to a different city with/for a guy I was dating pretty seriously. I didn’t and I will leave out those details, but I have to say it really is such a bold, strong, brave thing to do. The transition my friend has gone through -- and new one she is now going through -- is different from mine though neither is better or worse or harder or easier, just different. Both have such highs and such lows. I am not sure I could have done what she did. Though I guess you never know and I’ll never say never.

Anyway, back to the weekend. After a glass of champagne and some good rom com action I headed out for a healthy dinner of froyo. I like to think of myself as a froyo connoisseur and I have to say, Menchies of Atlanta you’ve impressed me. Related: on their website you can learn how to get FREE froyo during the Menchies episode of Undercover Boss this Friday. I will be doing this. 

Then I came home to my pile of boxes and bags in my apartment just itching to be moved. A good weekend all and all. I continue to get more and more settled into the city each week. As I told my friend who is going through the breakup, sometimes I feel like I’ve been in Atlanta for days and sometimes I feel like I’ve been here for months if not years (it’s been a little under three months if you’re counting). But a good weekend filled with craft beer, Sunday champagne, and froyo dinners definitely help make my transition continue to be smooth. 

Stay tuned for word on how my move goes! Next weekend recap to come from the new digs!

weekend recaps to come!

I’m realizing that one thing I have not shared a ton about are my weekends. I wanted to focus this blog more on my professional and personal change during this transition rather than my Saturday nights but social adjustment is just as, if not more, important than anything else to the success of a move.

The actual things I do are easy to talk about (e.g., I went to dinner Friday with this group of people I met through so-and-so) but difficult to extract the ways that I’ve been able to successfully make friends. I think I am naturally good at meeting people which I take for granted, I know it can be a huge challenge for people in a situation like mine. 

For me the reason why I think I’ve been successful at this in Atlanta as well as other cities and situations (e.g., when I transferred to UVA as an out of state student and literally began making strong friendships my first night) is partly because I’ve been open to any and everything like I’ve written about before. But also since I really push myself to really connect with and get to know people. You have to actually be interested in hearing about the point of view or position in life or understand what makes a person tick. This is something that I’ve always naturally done, I actually don’t feel comfortable around people nor do I consider myself close with a person unless this I know them on a deeper level. 

Just a hypothesis based on only a few data points from observations of friends but I think that one of the reasons why some people find it challenging to make new friends in new cities is that they are not trying to get to know new people on this really true, almost raw level. 

It’s a balance because of course you don’t want to come across as too intense or insincere but I think this is the best way to really forge strong friendships which is key to being happy and settled in a new place.

With that, I’ll start to do a better job of sharing my weekends and maybe ways that I’ve gotten to know people well in just a few weeks. First weekend recap to come tomorrow or Monday!

ever want to just escape a project?

I had a moment the other day when I literally just wanted to run away from a project.

I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even figure out how to articulate what I was struggling with to my manager let alone to my executive sponsor. On top of this I simply couldn’t figure out what would be my most immediate next step.

Typically my go-to is to get away from my desk, even if just for a moment. I have been known to leave the office at lunch to walk around; walk outside, through nearby stores, malls, whatever. I have also been known to be a behind-closed-doors-in-the-office-crier when things get really bad (yup, I’ll admit it). But this time I was just so overwhelmed and discouraged that I couldn’t even muster up the energy to walk to the bathroom or get a cup of water. Additionally the open floor-plan of my office just made me hyperaware of myself and everyone around me so staying put at my desk actually made me feel less exposed.

Since this was an excruciatingly immobilizing and overwhelming feeling for me I thought that it might be for others as well. With that, I thought I’d share what I did to get out of this state. Here it goes:

• I reread all of the emails/things that were making me feel swirly/off/uncomfortable/whatever you want to call it. Doing that I noticed that there was one thing that I completely misread (luckily I hadn’t yet replied/reacted).
• I figured out what I personally needed, what I wasn’t getting, and what I thought I should do. I realized that going to whine to my executive sponsor at this point (because it would have been a whine not a conversation) was really more of a way to lick my own wounds, save a little face, and possibly point some blame. I needed to actually take ownership and action. (side note: I actually take a huge issue with pointing blame and never do it but I could sense myself getting to such a low point that it might have crept out)
• I read the funny article my best friend posted on my Facebook timeline (it was like she knew that at that very second I needed a complete mental break).
• I actually went to the bathroom and got a cup of water (in that order).
• I replied to some emails; sucked up my pride and resisted the urge to include the caveats/explanations that I so desperately wanted to mention since they were basically making excuses about why things were going the way they were.
• Last, I started to put together the skeleton for this post. I didn’t write it all at once but rather I came back to the draft as I often do. Putting these frustrations down really helped me gather my thoughts and then clear my head.

This moment of uneasiness followed by really thinking hard has made me realize that as I progress in my career I do need to spend a bit more time thinking through my approach in general. While I already prepare for conversations and meetings, perhaps I need to prep a bit more. 

I remember talking with my manager a few days after this and being able to better recap what happened and what I needed from myself, from her, from others. I still could have probably been a bit more buttoned up but she has my back and knows I am still evolving as a working professional.

This sort of stuff happens to the best of us and like many things in life how you react and how (or if, for some) you can get through turmoil is what really matters. 

I wonder what other people do in the moment when they feel just monumentally overwhelmed. Reader base of 4: what do you do??

feedback

Last week I sat down with my manager to review my progress to date. I’ve had multiple feedback conversations, both formal and informal, throughout my career so this was nothing new for me but for some reason this one made me a little, well, panicked. 

I think it’s really important to understand where you stand in a professional role. Feedback conversations should be ongoing and an annual or mid-year review should not include anything all that surprising. Despite this I was in knots the days leading up to our discussion.

This was especially strange to me since I had requested the conversation. I had done this because a few weeks ago I realized that while I believed I was doing well and while I had received positive feedback from a few people, I didn’t know for sure that my performance was stellar -- or even sufficient -- in the eyes of my manager and leadership team. 

I’ll spare the suspense and say that my feedback was excellent so my anxiety was unwarranted. But it really surprised me how nervous I was.

Though when I think about the situation I guess it does make sense. I’ve been in my new role for going on 10 weeks now and was told upon being hired that my first 90 days were a trial period. While I have confidence in my work, again, I think it’s critical to know where you stand. Perhaps it’s not anymore or any less important, but it certainly feels more significant when you move hundreds of miles away for a new job. The last thing I wanted was to be told on day 89, or 90, or 91, “This has been nice and all but you haven’t been performing up to our expectations soooo you’re going to have to go… Good luck in this new city you just moved to…” Suddenly the pressure was mounting and the sizable risk that I might have set myself up for a disaster was becoming real. 

This might make some people NOT want to hear feedback. But hiding from or avoiding something doesn’t make it any less real. As the day of my conversation with my manager approached I had to remind myself that the anxiety I was feeling was natural, normal, and would soon be eased. 

I won’t sugarcoat it, not all feedback conversations go smoothly. You need to be prepared for the good and the bad. Or should I say, be prepared for positive feedback and feedback on your development opportunities. I have received feedback that has blindsided me, but I’ve become better for it. Remain humble and composed, really listen, and be open to learning how you are perceived; this is how you get better. And after all it’s all about getting better. 

The next time time you’re unsure of where you stand, or even if you’re pretty sure of where you stand, ask for feedback. Have a conversation about your performance, your progress, and your potential. 

What do you professionally is important. It is not your life but it is a big part of your life. It literally funds what you can and cannot do and you need to take it seriously and own it.

Wedding Weekend Getaway

This past weekend I was in the wedding of one of my closest friends. Quick hits: the ceremony was beautiful, the party was epic, the bride was beyond gorgeous, and I could not be more over the moon for the newlyweds.

I saw a ton of friends from college, DC, and Richmond. I also met a lot of the family of the bride and groom. As I assumed there would be, there were a lot of questions about my move and how things were going for me. Almost across the board the reactions of the people I talked with were positive and the conversations were filled with admiration.  People told me they were impressed by my boldness. Some would speculate whether or not they would be able to up and move to a new city without knowing anyone. I felt proud of taking ownership over my life and the conversations were fun.

Though one comment was interesting. One guy asked me if I was really enjoying Atlanta or if I was just saying that I was.

I was initially taken aback by the question and I was quick to confirm that yes, I in fact was happy and wasn’t simply claiming to be. It wasn't really until a bit after the conversation ended when it really sunk it and I realized what a great question it was. And a totally fair one at that. Additionally it was a question I hadn't actually asked myself yet.

The guy who asked me this made a move similar to mine a couple years ago. As every experience is different, his was different from mine; I don't know all the details but I know he didn't love the city he moved to and moved from there not too long ago. With this in mind I also think his question was coming from a good, experienced place. 

I haven’t decided my answer just yet. I really do think I am sincerely happy so I think my answer was truthful. But it's something I want to mull over. I don't plan on being hyperaware of it, that's silly. Also, I am a big believer in positive thinking and creating the energy you want around you, so thinking positively about my move might be self-fulfilling in a way.  

But I really do want to consider this question as time goes by. I want to be really present with myself so that I can continue to assess my feelings. Luckily for me I think I already have a way of doing this, and actually tracking my feelings: this blog.

I'll continue to be open about my thoughts and feelings. I'll try to push myself to share even more of my personal and professional life. And we'll see how it goes :)