Back Sliding? Day 14: An Atlanta Traffic Experiment

I was hoping to be posting more regularly on this but life has gotten in the way, as it often does.


Two weeks from the start of my little experiment I unfortunately have to report that I've felt that I've slid back a bit. What do I mean?


Well specifically last weekend when one of the greatest women on the planet (my mother) visited me in Atlanta I noticed myself getting quite agitated at times. Even after I caught myself in these moments and encouraged myself to keep my cool I seemed to still become irritated later on that day, once during the same 15 minute drive.


I also remember making a decided effort to not tell my mom I was blogging about this topic. Not that it's a secret or that she hasn't read my posts (hi mom!) but I think that I didn't want to be held accountable that weekend.


It was interesting.

Part of it makes me think about what some say, that we sometimes treat the people we love the most ,the most harshly because we know that they will always love us. Mothers seem to fall into this camp most since who can love us the way our mothers do? Others love us equally, sometimes more, but never that same way.


This is hugely unfair and something else to add to the laundry list of things to work on. But considering this and focusing back on my experiment in patience, I wonder if I simply wanted a break. From what? From having to hold my agitation in. From trying to improve myself. From being the best version of myself. It was as if with my mother's arrival in Georgia all that I wanted to do was revert back to being her child and being able to "lash out" since I knew that no matter what she'd love me.


It was an interestingly timed trip to say the least. Since just like it's unfair to treat our moms or others harsher because we know they will always love us, it's unfair for me to "decide" to regress on my patience experiment or anything else just because my mommy is in town and will love me and accept me.


While I wish I was more self-aware of this during the weekend I am happy that I can reflect on it now, since again, being aware of many things is step one. And with this reflection I can get back being patience and tolerant and keeping calm even when I encounter un-ideal or annoying things.