When something is going on in my life that I'm really proud of or excited about, or making me nervous, there are some people I just cannot wait to tell. But sometimes my delivery can come at bad times. I get overeager or overzealous and just can’t wait which actually is pretty counterintuitive to the reason why I’m even sharing my news to given with. Why would I want to spring something like my news of a big project or an exciting personal endeavor with a friend who I know is going through a rocky time at her job? It's inconsiderate but also -- since we often tend to care more about things that have a direct impact to us -- my poor timing will likely result in my news not generating the excited, celebratory reaction I was hoping for.
When I am able to successfully chill the F out and use my intuition to share at an appropriate time, it's almost always well received; I almost always get the reaction I'm looking for.
This happens well beyond my personal world as well. A former manager of mine once told me one of my biggest strengths was my ability to "connect the dots insanely quickly." He also mentioned that this this was one of my biggest downfalls (or "development areas"). See I could figure out lickedly-split what the repercussions would be if X didn't happen, I could break down how out something like a TV production schedule over the next few weeks would be negatively impacted by one stinking delayed decision. I would share this knowledge until I was blue in the face; I thought I was helping people by raising red flags about timing and this and that. For him, and a good number of the people who have given me feedback over the years, this was actually sometimes a negative thing.
Sometimes I was seen as being a roadblock, I was seen as being negative (a characteristic that couldn’t describe me less). My timing and my inability to just relax was getting in my own way; if I would calm down and yup, chill I would be much more likely to have successful influence within my projects and teams.
Sure raising a flag or getting something off your chest is important and sometimes just has to happen but often for me what needs to happen is just chilling the F out. Taking a moment to assess my audience, assess my situation, assess what I want and need out of the situation whether it's an activity, project at work, friendship, Friday night, relationship -- this really applies to everything-- and then go from there.
I often just get so excited about things. And generally I truly think I am helping others. But sometimes the best move is no move. Chill. Go to lunch. Sleep on it. Delete the text message. Step away from the email.
You're not losing steam or not making progress; you're making progress thoughtfully.
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