What I Learned About Dating From "Bring Your Child to Work Day"

Yesterday was "Bring Your Child to Work Day."

I love children but I'm not always around them. And when I am it's usually family or the handful of friends who have very young babies so it was interesting to watch coworkers interact with their older children. What was most interesting was to see that my coworkers were their natural, authentic-selves around their kids. Sure they acted a bit differently (which of course makes sense), but the big parts of their personalities stayed present.

This might sound obvious but it was maybe the first time I've spent a whole day with adults (non-family) I knew pretty well and their children in a long time. I got to see a little how they disciplined, what values they were instilling in their kids, how they treated their children as young people, and how they encouraged their children to interact with others.  

My coworkers who are calm, cool, and collected at work are calm, cool, and collected around their children. My coworkers who are sometimes silly at work can be silly with their children. My coworkers who are over-the-top at times, well, you see what I mean.  

This makes perfect sense though... Even if we try to conceal our personalities who we really are at our core will come through at least at certain moments eventually. And this isn't bad; it's a good thing to be yourself in every area of your life, hiding parts of yourself isn't worth the energy in my book. Sure there's a time and a place for everything and you should have some tact (aka maybe don't wear the same dress you'd wear to a pool party in Las Vegas to your work holiday party) but be yourself.

Why does this matter and what did it teach me about dating? Well, first to be more accurate, it validated the approach I like to take to dating. 

I date with purpose. I've posted a little about this before (read more here).

I would like to get married one day and I would love to be a mother. While I enjoy getting to know people, this is the end goal of dating for me. With that in mind, perhaps the most important things I look for in men are the qualities I associate with being a good father (e.g., patience, humor, being responsible, having ambition, being a good listener and teacher, having a big heart, etc.) In fact, I only exclusively date men who I think will be good fathers.

And why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't all of us? (And this goes for both sexes) If all of the personality traits of a person come out around children then you should want the best qualities possible in the person you parent with.

Yesterday at my office validated that someone's qualities as a person will and do translate to parenthood. People aren't just one way at work, or socially, or with their parents, or with their children; even if they compartmentalize themselves, the big parts still come out. So if James is cute and fun to be around but immature with no interest in growing up, or drastically lacks direction, or doesn't take your feelings into consideration, or is downright mean sometimes, why would you want to spend time with him? But also why would you want to be even one day closer to getting serious with someone like this if it could ever lead to more?

As a 27 year old woman it's often taboo to outwardly say that I look for qualities of a good father in a potential boyfriend but it's the truth and in my opinion, it's the smartest way to play it if you see yourself wanting children down the road.

While people can and do change, they don't magically lose a majority of who they are. So be choosey about who you share your heart and spend your time with.

Some of the effects of children in the office. Yup, that's silly putty.