I have been engaging in certain relationships -- or maybe it's better to say not engaging in certain relationships -- over the course of my time in Atlanta. Yup I'm talking about the good stuff here (aka boyz) so going to keep most details out.
True to form I've been my historically selective self. I won't go on and on justifying my approach, I'll simply say I have the point of view that one should be purpose-driven when engaging in any relationship that will have significant impact on her or his life regardless of whether that's a friendship, professional relationship, romantic relationship, whatever.
Anyway, with this mindset over the past few months I've had to have many difficult, awkward conversations. These have generally been the kind of conversations when someone is let down or something of that nature; you get the picture.
When I decide that something or someone is right for me, or perhaps more importantly, when someone is not right for me, I like to be upfront. Like many I get nervous to have this sort of conversation, send this sort of text message, send this sort of email, whatever. I often consult my 10 best friends who all have similar but simultaneously totally different advice which tends to just confuse me. Though in one specific instance one friend gave me a real nugget. She reminded me that in the particular situation at hand (and this applies to many) I didn't really owe all that much. Okay being vague here is not all that helpful so I'll just say it: I wasn't in a relationship so I wasn't actually ending much. Not to be callous or harsh but if I'm not dating someone then I'm not really breaking up with someone so why the dramatics and drawn out concern??
I started to see these various situations a bit more rationally. Sure it's important to be kind, empathetic, and sensitive but I need to be sensitive to my own feelings and keep my own needs in mind. Further, in all of these situations I was only speculating about the other person's feelings. When I thought more about it I was getting way ahead of myself. I was over-planning, over-thinking, and spinning myself out over something that ultimately was small potatoes.
In these situations in general I needed to play it cool. I needed to be smart, sound, and keep control. Not in an aggressive or monopolizing way but I needed keep in mind that I was setting the tone of each "conversation" (in quotes because are texts really conversations??) and that each situation would be as big or as small as I made it.
Was there awkwardness? Yup. Was it all manageable? Yup. Overall have I learned about myself, what I want and need, and ways to improve my communication? Yup, yup, and yup.
Let's apply this to our professional selves now
The pace, cadence, flow -- whatever you want to call it -- of a conversation doesn't just stop with the trials and tribulations of a twenty-something single girl. It has very real relevance to our professional lives and successes.
I think women tend to look to men to do this for us. I will admit that I certainly like to sometimes in romantic situations. I bet many defer to men or our superiors in professional situations. It's easier and can fit within the status quo. But this is not the way to take charge and live our own and best lives.
Recently an issue was raised to me at work. I knew this was a problem, one that could be huge or one that could be easily managed if done correctly. I knew fingers could potentially be pointed, and while none would be in my personal direction I knew it wouldn't be productive. I realized I needed to gather the facts, determine my position and recommendation, lay everything out in a clear, succinct, and helpful way then calmly engage the relevant people and lead a productive conversation resulting in an action to resolve the matter at hand.
I did all this. And it worked.
Yes my ideas and recommendations were very important and my recommendation was what we ultimately ran with but I think my stepping back to assess the situation, my organization and leadership were essential. And above all this I think my calmness was key. My attitude set the tone for all of the conversations and gave cues to my peers and leaders as to how they should react to the situation.
Sure sometimes it's okay and downright appropriate to let someone else control the flow and structure of a conversation, but this is not how it always should be. Learning how to do so is an essential life skill that will enable us to take control of various aspects of our lives more.
No comments:
Post a Comment