been there, done that: not saying sorry

I did something this morning that drives me bonkers when I do it. I was walking out of the kitchen in my office and opened a door as someone was walking in. As I passed him I said quietly but still audible, "sorry."

I do this a fair amount and it infuriates me. Why am I apologizing? For being in the way?This is my office too. In fact I've worked at my company longer than he has. Though it's not like he was mad or disrupted or looking for anything really. He basically ignored my words and we went on about our business. Though I worry that overtime apologizing for nothing like this builds up and can eat away at the strong, successful person I am building in myself.

The appropriate expression would have be, "excuse me" or "pardon me" since other than the coincidence that we happened to be using the same doorway at the same time there's nothing to even acknowledge here and there's most certainly nothing to be sorry about. Each time I do this it's like I'm taking away something from myself for absolutely no reason.

An English teacher of mine in grade school hated when anyone did this. She commented on it whenever a student would offer this sort of false apology. I did it a lot and she would get on me for it all the time. I remember one day when she got particular passionate about me saying "sorry" during class which startled me. She pulled me aside afterwards to assure me that she wasn't mad at me or upset with me but that she didn't like to see me undermine myself. She told me that if I kept doing this throughout my life I would be releasing power to others and ultimately selling myself short. Looking back on this moment it was one of the first times in my life when someone told me to realize my own worth. Her message was to be aware of and harness my own strength, to do something with it, and never, ever give away that power.

I couldn't agree with this sentiment more.

Still I continue to do this. I don't know why. I used to think the more appropriate phrases "pardon me" or "excuse me" sounded too formal. But that's silly. And even if it were true wouldn't it be better to be more formal than to use words that undermine you?

This week's been there, done that has perhaps a more negative tone than others since it's something that I do that I find flawed. It's about an ongoing mistake I've been making but one that I'm done with. So perhaps the positioning needs to change. This week I'll think of it as been there, done with that.