feedback part 2

A little while ago I wrote about the importance of asking for feedback. A good friend of mine mentioned to me that she read my post (YAY!) and it reminded her that she needed to do this herself. She also mentioned that she wasn’t quite sure how she should go about it.

See, she's pretty new in her role as well. She also came from a company with a more formalized process. This inspired me to write up some thoughts on requesting feedback when your company doesn’t offer it up to you in a super formal way.

With that, here ya go!

• Conversation add-on - Usually I am all about being upfront but when requesting feedback not during a formal review I have personally felt the most comfortable, and had success, in ending a conversation with this request. I have usually said something like, “I was also hoping to check-in and get some feedback from you on my progress” at the end of a routine check-in with a manager. Maybe saying “hoping” is a cop out and I should be more direct but this has worked for me and has made me feel the most comfortable.

• Behind closed doors - Hey, it’s your feedback and your office but I’m a fan of privacy for these kinds of conversations. Typically formal reviews are in private, but if you and your manager sometimes have your check-ins in an open area perhaps steer him or her in the direction of a huddle room for this conversation. You want to feel like you have the room to be open and honest, you also want to be sure you give your manager this room. I have witnessed feedback sessions out in the open in offices and let me tell you, it’s weird. Even if the feedback is going to be positive don’t be that person. 

• Be confident, not cocky - So clever and original, I know. But really, you should be confident when requesting feedback. Also position your request in a way that makes you feel comfortable (see my approach above), when you’re comfortable you’re likely to be more confident.

• Come prepared with your own feedback - Feedback conversations are a two-way street, at a minimum you should be actively listening (perhaps you offer up ways to incorporate the feedback into your routine to be sure you’re hearing it correctly) but you should also come with your own thoughts about your performance. Be truthful, don’t say that you work too hard (unless you do, then maybe rather than saying something like you “care too much” position it as you “take on too much”). Come with your own positive feedback too, remember you’re your biggest advocate and while your manager should be invested in you since your successes directly impacts  his or her success you can’t always control this; you can control what your manager hears during this conversation so why not lay out explicitly all the awesome things you’ve been up to.

• Your feedback should also be about your manager - Yes this is about you, mostly. But your manager is also a part of your development and you are a part of his or hers. It’s totally fair for your manager to ask for feedback from you as part of this conversation, in fact you should expect it. Have some real thoughts ready.

• Be ready to have the convo now, or later - No one likes to be blindsided; you don’t want to be startled by negative feedback out of nowhere but your manager (or whomever you’re soliciting feedback from) doesn’t want to be startled either. Don’t put him or her on the spot. If he or she gives you some immediately, that’s great, but if he or she doesn’t that’s fine too. Schedule time a few days out (I’d keep it within 2 weeks) and have a conversation about it. 

• So cliché, but be open - Don’t, I repeat, don’t get defensive. You are asking for feedback and you should want to hear it. Even if there are some bad things in there don’t you want to know what they are? Be open, be calm, be poised. If you are taken aback by something or if you just need more time to digest know that you can always revisit the conversation. You can say something like, “I never thought of it like that. I’d like to think about a few ways to apply that feedback then run them past you.” Another approach is simply, “I'd like to digest this all a bit. I might have some questions later on.” 

• Know that you’re doing the right thing, and you’re growing - Even if you’re a little uncomfortable with this sort of conversation know that you’re getting better from it. It’ll get easier each time and you’ll get better each time-- at it and in general.