I shared one piece of unsolicited advice (a lot of advice I give is unsolicited, sorry!) that I think was really well received: In order to build the life you want, determine and understand your own values and goals then align your personal and professional moves to match them.
What do I mean? It’s all about understanding what you ultimately want out of your life and then ensuring that your job, your friends, your partner -- everything really -- syncs up. I’ll give a few examples from myself, friends, and colleagues that I believe are relatable.
On work/life interaction (or balance): I know two women who ultimately want to run their own businesses with current/future spouses. Both of these ladies will, among other things, run the marketing programs. Since they are both in marketing functions this works out well, though their current roles were niche roles. I encouraged them both to gain experience in design and broad brand management in addition to their day jobs because this sort of experience will likely prove invaluable to them 5, 10, or 15 years down the road. While their roles at the time were specialized they were both at companies that encouraged a good deal of side-of-desk work so as a way to make this work for them I encouraged them to align their side-of-desk-work with these broad skills they wanted to develop.
On work/life interaction (or balance): I know two women who ultimately want to run their own businesses with current/future spouses. Both of these ladies will, among other things, run the marketing programs. Since they are both in marketing functions this works out well, though their current roles were niche roles. I encouraged them both to gain experience in design and broad brand management in addition to their day jobs because this sort of experience will likely prove invaluable to them 5, 10, or 15 years down the road. While their roles at the time were specialized they were both at companies that encouraged a good deal of side-of-desk work so as a way to make this work for them I encouraged them to align their side-of-desk-work with these broad skills they wanted to develop.
Location, location, location: Another good friend of mine passed on multiple, sizable scholarships to very good graduate schools and opted to take out pretty substantial loans for a program that was close to an area where she ultimately wanted to live. Normally I would caution against this but knowing that such an important part of her happiness, her own values, and her definition of success included living in this particular area I supported it. If you know where you want to ultimately be geographically and you know certain things will impact your ability to get there positively or negatively, why would you put yourself in a position that works against this??
More on work/life with a focus on life: An age old example that comes to mind is if you’re a woman and ultimately you want to be a stay at home mother then in my opinion you should not aggressively be pursuing a path to anywhere near the executive suite. I think this can be applied to men as well, though I realize there are different pressures and compilations from how we’re socialized. Still, I stand by: If If family and other relationships are essential to your happiness then why would you act against these values at any point in your life? Again, I know that there are different pressures felt by men and women but it’s essential to see the big picture. I fear when many who don’t think “big picture” finally come up for air they will realize that they’ve lost sight of what they actually want out of this life.
For me it boils down to the following: If you are lucky enough to know some of the key characteristics of your life that you need fulfilled in order to be happy (and since many do not, you’re lucky if you do!) and you have the ability to work towards them now, why wouldn’t you??
Not everything has to totally align perfectly, in fact this all should be flexible because things will come up and you’re going to have to adjust. Maybe your moves don’t exactly ladder “up” to your end goals, you might have to take a few steps to the side or back. Take my friend who took out the loans for example, some might argue that financially she’s being set back. But since her decision is ultimately linking to what she wants and her values I think the investment is warranted.
Not everything has to totally align perfectly, in fact this all should be flexible because things will come up and you’re going to have to adjust. Maybe your moves don’t exactly ladder “up” to your end goals, you might have to take a few steps to the side or back. Take my friend who took out the loans for example, some might argue that financially she’s being set back. But since her decision is ultimately linking to what she wants and her values I think the investment is warranted.
The universe isn’t going to just create a wonderful life for you. The people with the happiest lives didn’t just wake up one day in those circumstances. They identified what was important to them and then they built those lives.
Decide what’s important to you (and remember, there’s no right and wrong answer) then start making it happen.
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