how to give gifts in the workplace

I read a Forbes article last week that suggested there is no social contract obligating people to reciprocate gift giving during the holiday season. Maybe it's the anthropologist in me (I studied Anthropology and Sociology in undergrad) but I disagree.

Like it or not there are multiple social contracts we all participate in by being a functioning member of society. Reciprocity is a sizable part of our this unspoken social agreement. Here's a simple way to think about reciprocity: it's your response to someone else's behavior or gift (physical, emotional, whatever). Even if you have no reaction this is still a form of reciprocity since often there is an understanding that one person doesn't have to give anything in return. This could be since the recipient of the gift or act is of a lower stature or age in society and is not expected or obligated to return the gesture. (For those who say, "Aha, what if there is no such understanding and you still don't give anything in return? Surely, that means that you've broken the social contract and this is hogwash!" Nope. You're actually giving a very powerful message by not returning the act. See how all this culture stuff works?)

But anyway, to be fair the article does mention a caveat for itself since it acknowledges that it's simply (or mostly) encouraging a younger demographic, perhaps just out of college or in grad school, to not feel compelled to spend in excess just for the sake of the holidays.

I agree with this in the sense that you shouldn't go into the red over the holidays, especially when you're just starting out, I still think it's important to acknowledge that as a member of society, like it or not, you are a part of gift exchanges during the holidays. You do need to understand what exchanges you'll participate in and what your response/role should be.

Personal gift exchanges can be complex and riddled with baggage. I will let you tackle those on your own. Instead I will focus on the type of holiday gift exchange that this article actually made me think of the most. The in a way equally important -- though for different reasons -- holiday gift exchanges in the workplace. These are particularly critical when you're new to a company or team since your personal brand and reputation is  still being crafted. (And since your success in a job will impact your ability to give gifts to family and friends I consider it almost equally important... A stretch? Yes, maybe.)

I'm not suggesting that anyone should spend a ton of money -- or equally valuable, time -- on office gifts. But again, especially when you're new to a company culture, I think it's important to consider what is appropriate for the holidays and act in accordance with that.

I remember feeling utterly embarrassed come holiday season at my first full-time job when everyone handed out small gifts (e.g., cards, homemade cookies) and I came to work empty-handed. I think I rushed to the store after work that day to grab last minute cards. No one cared that my holiday well-wishes came last minute or into the New Year for those who had already left for vacation but I was pretty red in the face.

After this experience there are a few personal strategies I now employ during the holidays at my place of work. I admit these are definitely shaped by the culture of the offices where I have been employed, but I also don't think it's a bad thing to err on the side of kindness especially during the holiday season.

Common Types of Workplace Gift Exchanges & Some General Strategies:

• Manager/Direct Report Gift Exchange - In my experience the manager often gives his or her direct report an actual gift. Nothing crazy so manage your expectations; I've gotten anything from a homemade hot chocolate mix set to kate spade stationary (both items I used eagerly!) As a direct report I've always given a thoughtful card expressing my (sincere) gratitude for what my manager has done for me over that past year. After my snafu year one I've always included my favorite holiday cookies (homemade). 

• Broader Team - Depending on the size of your team I have done personalized cards written to everyone and some cookies packaged into small bags. Other years I've made a big batch of cookies, put them in a centralized area, then sent an email to the group to let everyone know cookies from me were available for all. I think the approach you might take here depends on the size of your team, how close you might be with them, also if teammates are all in the same region. I've shipped (or actually, attempted to ship) cookies to teammates in other locations and have hit snags. Try to avoid snags.

• "White Elephant" - Sometimes offices have a clearly planned out white elephant gift exchange. This might sometimes cover all gifting though depending on the nuances of an office you might still consider nicely written cards or some holiday treats. 

• How to Handle Religion - While I think the idea of expressing your thanks and gratitude for someone's hard work and/or help over the year is pretty agnostic I understand that for many holidays are at least partially religious. Unsure how to handle this? Have a manager, a direct report, or a few key team members of different religions that fall at different times of the year or season? One of my favorite approaches is to give a New Years gift or card. This might be a bit late for 2013 but another approach is to make your gift a Thanksgiving message. I've employed the New Years tactic myself and seen both done by companies; I think both are very tasteful. 

• Simple Acknowledgement and Articulation of Appreciation - Overall I understand the holidays can put a strain on purse strings. I don't think you should expect to receive all that much from your office/work peers nor do think I too much should be expected from you. For me the broad intention of the holidays in our society is to articulate your appreciation for what you have and for what others give and do for you (your family might expect to get presents yes, but to me this is at least the broad intention...) With this in mind you can certainly take a moment to at the very least write a very sincere email to a few people you interact with on a regular basis. Depending on your personality throw in some fun emojis (or don't, I often choose to but that's just me) and an anecdote or two, just be sincere. Think this is silly? Know that one email I received as a thank you for my work that year (and some of my cookies) from senior member on a former team remains one of my favorite holiday correspondences to this day.

At the end of the day every company and working relationship -- like people and all relationships -- is unique, so use your own best judgement for what is appropriate. Ultimately as long as you're being sincere and thoughtful your intentions will come through.

Happy holiday season & happy gifting!