My first taste of solo international travel

I have a fair amount of solo travel, both domestic and international, planned for the rest of the year. And while I have flown, driven, trained -- you name it -- alone quite a bit I really haven't done much travel when I've been alone for the whole or even a good chunk of the main trip.


This past week I got my first taste at some limited solo international travel. I was in Punta Cana for my cousin's wedding Wednesday through Sunday. And while I spent a majority of time with family and friends, I spent a fair amount by myself as well. There were a few specific things I did alone that really got me thinking about my upcoming plans.  


Overall it made me even more excited for my other upcoming journeys but at the same time gave me a little bit of trepidation. What do I mean? Where here are some parts of my recent trip that really stood out.
 
The Arrival
There's something uniquely depressing about arriving in the airport of a resort city alone; most of the other people are either traveling in couples on a romantic getaway or in large friend groups or as families. It's one of those times when you're acutely aware that you're alone, even if you're going to literally be with tens of close family members within a matter of hours like I was.

Don't believe me? Think about that moment when you walk off a plane and feel the hot, beach air hit your face (or maybe it's cool, mountain air); you can't help but smile as you envision yourself basking in your vacation. But then you meet the very next moment when you normally would say to your travel companion(s), "I'm SO excited!!" That's when you realize it's just you.


Being off the grid
If you're traveling internationally and are being mindful of not incurring hundreds of dollars in data and messaging fees you probably use your phone a lot less. I had planned for this and wasn't all that worried about it. Though as I waited in line for immigration and watched everyone else chattering excitedly I found myself paralyzed. That is, my natural instinct to grab my phone and text a friend or open some social media or simply reload my email once more was unavailable to me.


At first it was striking how alone I felt without the security blanket of being in the middle of multiple text conversations with friends for company. Though this quickly became wonderfully freeing.


Staying at a hotel alone
The last thing that really stuck with me were the puzzled looks I repeatedly received when I told the hotel staff that it was "just me" when asked about the number of guests in my room. While this really only happened at check-in and check-out I did return to my hotel room each day and night alone.


The peace and quiet was often welcomed but there were some moments when I wished I was spending this downtime with a travel companion.


So what does all this mean? Should you be scared off from solo travel? No. It's certainly not for everyone but neither are skinny jeans or yoga (two things I personally enjoy very much).


Any kind of travel has wonderful moments but also some annoying and less than ideal ones; it's sort of part of it. Solo travel is no different. But at the end of the day every experience offers something to learn and cool challenges to overcome. So pack up your bags and pull up your big girl or boy pants and break out alone, or don't and just read about my travels here.

Learning to Listen More: Day 22 of an Atlanta Traffic Experiment

Last week I wrote about how I slid back slightly when my mom was visiting my a few weeks ago. I saw how my impatience impacted others and not really in a positive way (read about that here).  

This week I've noticed something on the other end of the spectrum, that is on a "positive/negative" spectrum. I've noticed that my heightened awareness of self has made me a better listener.

 

Yes, sure, it's just been three weeks so the duration of this experiment and this assessment might be a little loose. But in seemingly trivial conversations with friends and family and coworkers I have found myself much less interested in ensuring that my "story" or antidote gets voiced. Even with people I don't know all that way (e.g., on dates, meeting friends of friends) when it's necessary to share things about yourself I haven't been as concerned with it. Sure I still contribute to the conversation and share about myself but I don't have the sense that I have to share topic or thought XYZ immediately.

 

This made me consider how I engage in conversations. I once read something from a very talkative person (I forget who, no this "person" isn't me) who often found themselves thinking about what they'd say next during a conversation when the other person was talking rather than listening. While I don't think I've ever really done this fully I am sure a part of me has. I know there have been instances when I have had points or stories that I've wanted to bring up since I knew they would make my audience think or laugh or be happy; I'd get so excited about the prospect of the enjoyment and reaction of whomever I was engaging with that I am sure I unknowingly removed myself from the conversation a bit.

Even with the best of intentions focusing too much on what we're going to share or do next can significantly reduce a conversation or an experience and, paradoxically, make us share less.

Back Sliding? Day 14: An Atlanta Traffic Experiment

I was hoping to be posting more regularly on this but life has gotten in the way, as it often does.


Two weeks from the start of my little experiment I unfortunately have to report that I've felt that I've slid back a bit. What do I mean?


Well specifically last weekend when one of the greatest women on the planet (my mother) visited me in Atlanta I noticed myself getting quite agitated at times. Even after I caught myself in these moments and encouraged myself to keep my cool I seemed to still become irritated later on that day, once during the same 15 minute drive.


I also remember making a decided effort to not tell my mom I was blogging about this topic. Not that it's a secret or that she hasn't read my posts (hi mom!) but I think that I didn't want to be held accountable that weekend.


It was interesting.

Part of it makes me think about what some say, that we sometimes treat the people we love the most ,the most harshly because we know that they will always love us. Mothers seem to fall into this camp most since who can love us the way our mothers do? Others love us equally, sometimes more, but never that same way.


This is hugely unfair and something else to add to the laundry list of things to work on. But considering this and focusing back on my experiment in patience, I wonder if I simply wanted a break. From what? From having to hold my agitation in. From trying to improve myself. From being the best version of myself. It was as if with my mother's arrival in Georgia all that I wanted to do was revert back to being her child and being able to "lash out" since I knew that no matter what she'd love me.


It was an interestingly timed trip to say the least. Since just like it's unfair to treat our moms or others harsher because we know they will always love us, it's unfair for me to "decide" to regress on my patience experiment or anything else just because my mommy is in town and will love me and accept me.


While I wish I was more self-aware of this during the weekend I am happy that I can reflect on it now, since again, being aware of many things is step one. And with this reflection I can get back being patience and tolerant and keeping calm even when I encounter un-ideal or annoying things.

Improvement in Awareness: Day 7 of An ATL Traffic Experiment

It's been one full week since I decided that I would actively try to be a calmer, more patient driver. No small feat in a city with one of the biggest traffic problems like Atlanta. (Miss this post? Read it here)


I thought this to be an appropriate time to check-in on this little endeavor of mine.


So what have I learned or noticed over the past week? Actually a couple of things:


1. Time moves equally slowly and fast. Okay, that might not actually make sense but what I mean is that racing impatiently to get to and from work really hasn't been getting me to my desk or to me couch or the gym or happy hour that much faster. How do I know? Well I've been leaving my apartment and office at the same time just simply being more at ease driving over the past week and my commute time has not gone up or down drastically. What has changed? My mood upon getting out of my car (this might be placebo, I'll admit) and my self-awareness.


2. Other people are crazy. We all probably think this to some extent and fall into this category ourselves to some extent but consciously trying to reduce my own aggressiveness has really made me more aware of the aggressiveness of others.


Here's an example: yesterday at a spot where a back-up of 5-25 minutes is perfectly normal at 5pm this one car (white Lexus, in case that matters to anyone) flew past about 60 cars (nope, not exaggerating) on the right shoulder then cut through three lanes. First of all this is really dangerous, for this person and for everyone else on the road. But additionally and more to the point of this experiment: why? Considering my experience over the past week I wonder if that move really got this driver to his or her end destination all that much quicker....


3. Awareness builds awareness. I've noticed that my awareness of my patience -- or lack thereof -- in other areas of my life. One area that surprised me, but upon further consideration it makes perfect sense, is riding elevators. I work on the 9th floor of a 10 floor building and little irritates me more than when someone hits the call button on the lobby floor *just* before the doors close only to hit the button for the 1st floor. (Obviously expectant mothers or people just carrying a tremendous amount of just are excused)


This past week I've actively been trying to not be bothered by it, to not roll my eyes, or not look upon these people with distain. And you know what? My ride up to the 9th floor is the same duration of time, when I walk into my office I'm sure the energy I'm exuding is more open and positive, and the other people who work in my office surely must notice the change in my disposition. Okay, maybe not the latter but even if the one person in my building to notice the brighter mood I'm in is myself, that's a win in my book.




So what's the big takeaway here? Well even bigger than the realization that little bursts of aggressive driving seem to have little to no positive impact on my arrival time, the fact that simply being aware of myself has positive implications.


What's an area of your life that might benefit from a little extra attention and focus? Maybe it's being friendly to your coworkers, non-judgmental of other ideas. Whatever it is, try being more self-aware of your desire to improve in this space. What you observe might just surprise you!

9 Maya Angelou quotes to inspire how you live your life

One of the kindest, biggest hearts was lost today when Dr. Maya Angelou, a true renaissance woman, best known for her poetry and her commitment to the Civil Rights Movement, passed away.


Her way with words captured the spectrum of the human experience from our highest highs to our lowest lows and all  of the sometimes confusing feelings and moments in between.


I have selected my favorite ten quotes from Maya Angleou and explained what they have done for, inspired in, or simply helped articulated for me.


I hope you enjoy. And please remember that we are all better people for having lived in a world with Maya Angleou.


________________________


1. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.


This is one of my all time favorite lines in her famous poem, "I've Learned" and really just sums up a hugely important part of a being a good person and leading a successful life for me. I try to live my life everyday in a way that has a positive impact on other people. But here's the catch: it's rarely overt and never in a way that forsakes me. I strive to be a good enough person each day that just being myself is enough to encourage and inspire other.


2. You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.


Attitude is everything. Happiness is a choice. There's a silver lining in every cloud. These all have similar messages but Maya's is more empowering and focuses on the individual: while we can't control or change the bad things that can sometimes happen unexplainably to good people, we can control our response.

3. You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.

Our lives are never-ending, unique masterpieces. Some parts of it awe-inspiring and uplifting so much that we forget we're human; some reduce us to feeling like the lowest, smallest forms of ourselves. Like it or not, everything we experience impacts us so to the extent that you can choose to have as many of the good, uplifting experiences as you can


4. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.


This is an earlier part of "I've Learned" but is worthy of its own mention. Again it's about attitude, and about not being to control everything, but maintaining a positive outlook on it all.


5. I’ve learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."


Another line from "I've Learned." For me it means that just going through the motions of existence doesn't mean a person has a fulfilling life. Having a life means knowing who you are, what you want, growing and changing, it means challenging yourself, loving another or others, and loving yourself.


6. One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.


We have the potential to be great but we have to find the drive and want and courage in ourselves to achieve this.


7. My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.


For me this articulates some of the things we need to push and let ourselves do in order to be complete humans. Really feel emotion: laugh and cry. Find balance: work and love. Love openly: be courageous.


8. Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.

This ties a few of her quotes together for me: I hope to be courageous enough, and to be lucky enough to be with someone equally courageous, for this one day.


9. Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.


No matter what, never lose your spirit.

Day 1: An Atlanta Traffic Experiment For Personal Growth

This morning I was heading into the office and had to merge into the entrance ramp to the highway. I wasn't in any particular rush; it was 7:15, I needed to be in for a call at 8:00, and I was about 20 minutes away. But I did need to get onto the ramp so during an opening between cars I popped in. The Porsche SUV behind me clearly took offense to this and while I was still on the entrance ramp and the two lanes had turned to one, this car speed up, and passed me on the entrance ramp with only one lane!


Since I wasn't running late my reaction was an internal shrug of my shoulders. But then not two minutes later I noticed that I had merged over to the left land before the Porsche did and now was effectively "ahead" of the driver. I felt an acute sense of satisfaction from this.


I was alone in my car but I felt myself becoming embarrassed. I realized how irrational it was to participate in this self-created, one-sided "race."  I was getting myself all worked up before I had even had my breakfast; and for the sake of what?


I decided to consciously let it go, and physically slowed myself and watched as the driver sped past me. I arrived to my office at 7:34, well before my meeting giving me enough time to eat my breakfast, clean out my inbox,  prep for a few meetings, and read an article.


But later this morning I thought about this earlier mental dialogue I had. This use of energy and driving impatience (I don't think I have full out road rage but some may disagree)  is unproductive, causes unnecessary stress, and is generally just unattractive. Further, when you boil it down isn't this a dangerous way to release this energy? On top of the inherent dangers of distracted (or impatient or enraged) driving, I live in one of the most notorious cities for heavy traffic.


Clearly thinking about this under a microscope now I began to wonder whether this impatience was a manifestation of some other parts of my life. Since I don't consider myself an angry person really at all this was a little befuddling.


Were irritations, impatience, and flat out aggressions from my life surfacing in my driving? Maybe. Maybe not. But even if my impatient driving wasn't a manifestation of other feelings it's not something that I take particular pride in. And if it is, well, it will likely improve other areas of my life and mood if I change this.


With that I give you an experiment I will embark on: 30 days of [driving with] patience.


I plan to apply it to all facets of my life but will have a laser focus on the time I drive. Since I'm human I doubt I will be able to simply rid myself of all these feelings just by saying I plan to, but I will be conscious of not channeling and welcoming these feelings.


I'll blog about it every so often so to hold myself accountable and to share updates as I hopefully rid myself of some of this impatience.

on being more vulnerable

I spent all last weekend at a 3-day music festival in Atlanta.


I've always admired artists. For their talent (in part driven by my sheer inability to sing) but also in their openness and willingness to be vulnerable.


Artists - musicians, writers, poets - just put it all out there in, well, their art. They share their thoughts, feelings, embarrassments, triumphs, hurts. Yes, money is often part of their drive, but isn't it the dream to get paid to do something you're passionate about?


Artists don't get (or don't seem to get) worried about what their friends or family think, I would guess because large groups of people are going to have a whole host of thoughts and perceptions of them, both good and bad. And even a little self-conscious they still do it.


While I've never been a necessarily "closed off" person I definitely keep certain things to myself and likewise only share certain things with specific people. Being vulnerable is scary but it's essential for human success. Yes, human success which I have decided means to being a happy, successful person, which is something we all define for ourselves.


For me part of my human success includes being a contributing, inspiring member and leader of a professional team. So naturally I need to be vulnerable in some way professionally.... Right?


Recently I read this blog post on HBR about showing vulnerability. In it Michael Simmons references a study done by Arthur Aron, social psychologist and director of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University.


Essentially the study (entire account can found here) examines the difference in the strength and depth of relationships forged when two strangers ask factual and shallow questions (e.g., favorite TV show) as compared to when they ask questions that became gradually deeper (e.g., the last time they cried in front of someone, which family member's death would they be most disturbed by?)


Not surprisingly the results showed that the pairs with the deeper questions forged much stronger, more intimate, and lasting bonds.


So to recap, being vulnerable is important to build strong relationships. But being vulnerable is difficult. Being vulnerable at work I presume is somewhat important based on your work, your company, and who you are. But still what is the appropriate level for the different relationships we have in our lives? There's clearly no one right answer and to even search for one is likely shallow.


Last week I was in a grouchy mood. I don't really know why, I just was. The best I can do to explain it is to say that my equilibrium felt off. I know it was apparent. I can say that with confidence because a coworker actually approached me about it.


This week I was more mindful of it. I did some yoga, cleared my head, found my center. I could feel me usual energy coming back and by yesterday felt like I was my upbeat, energetic self.


I felt like I was back to inspiring my office in part by my energy. But that didn't feel like it was enough.


While I didn't snap or say anything harsh to my inquiring coworker who was simply being thoughtful I felt that it was the right, considerate, vulnerable thing to do to acknowledge that I was in a little mental rut. So I did.


It was a little self-experiment about pushing myself to share something about my inner workings professionally. This might not count as one of the types of things to share to build lasting, intimate connects like Simmons' experiment, but it felt good as my own personal experiment.

Do you let yourself be vulnerable in all your relationships or surroundings? Do you want to do so more? Give it a try! Baby steps count (think about how I  pushed myself outside my comfort zone just by wearing new pants) so find a small way to open yourself up and give it a whirl!