weekend recap

When I was in college I would write “weekend recap” emails to my friends from home. They were always a big hit, I’m told because the content was often a little self-depreicating and since I would write the way I would talk; they would tell me it was as if they could hear me telling the stories to them in person. 

This will be my first weekend recap I post here. The content might be a little filtered since this is the Internet. I’ll also try to be succinct but when I talk about my weekend/activities/tell stories in general I tend to ramble a bit. I also get differing opinions of whether I tell good stories or not so you can be the judge for yourself. Here goes nothing!

This weekend was fun. I worked super late Friday (well, super late for a Friday) so came home and quickly showered/got ready then met some friends for dinner at Treehouse  in Lindbergh. I drove over to a friend’s apartment and we walked to the restaurant, that was literally one of the first times I was able to walk anywhere in Atlanta and it made me so happy. (One of my few hangups with the city is that it’s not walkable) Ate and had drinks with some people on the kickball team I recently joined. Then after dinner walked (again!) to Publix to get some beer then watched Hocus Pocus with some of the dinner crowd who didn’t head home. One thing to point out here: this marks the second and a half time I’ve watched Hocus Pocus this Halloween season. 

Saturday I was amazingly productive and packed a ton for my upcoming inter-apartment building move. Also worked out which has been falling off my priority wagon recently so that felt good. Then went to a UVA Alumni Network event at Monday Night Brewing which was awesome. The venue is super cool and it was nice to do a UVA-centered event; having lived around my alma mater for the past four years I am used to a lot of things Virginia or Charlottesville related especially in the fall so this was a nice taste of VA in ATL.

Went to a house party with some girls after. A few highlights from that: there was a huge bonfire and my friend and I walked into the kitchen at the very second a pizza was being pulled out (incredible timing). Oh and to be sure there’s no confusion whether or not I’m hugely lame, reminder that I’m filtering content on the Internet.

Sunday I was lazy for a solid few hours which was much needed. Then I went over to my friend’s new apartment in Midtown. She moved to Atlanta in the spring with her boyfriend and they ended things a few weeks ago so she recently moved across town (closer to me!)  The situation is really awful though these things happen and I have to say, she’s doing remarkably well. 

Fun, personal fact about me: for a little while I was really considering moving to a different city with/for a guy I was dating pretty seriously. I didn’t and I will leave out those details, but I have to say it really is such a bold, strong, brave thing to do. The transition my friend has gone through -- and new one she is now going through -- is different from mine though neither is better or worse or harder or easier, just different. Both have such highs and such lows. I am not sure I could have done what she did. Though I guess you never know and I’ll never say never.

Anyway, back to the weekend. After a glass of champagne and some good rom com action I headed out for a healthy dinner of froyo. I like to think of myself as a froyo connoisseur and I have to say, Menchies of Atlanta you’ve impressed me. Related: on their website you can learn how to get FREE froyo during the Menchies episode of Undercover Boss this Friday. I will be doing this. 

Then I came home to my pile of boxes and bags in my apartment just itching to be moved. A good weekend all and all. I continue to get more and more settled into the city each week. As I told my friend who is going through the breakup, sometimes I feel like I’ve been in Atlanta for days and sometimes I feel like I’ve been here for months if not years (it’s been a little under three months if you’re counting). But a good weekend filled with craft beer, Sunday champagne, and froyo dinners definitely help make my transition continue to be smooth. 

Stay tuned for word on how my move goes! Next weekend recap to come from the new digs!

weekend recaps to come!

I’m realizing that one thing I have not shared a ton about are my weekends. I wanted to focus this blog more on my professional and personal change during this transition rather than my Saturday nights but social adjustment is just as, if not more, important than anything else to the success of a move.

The actual things I do are easy to talk about (e.g., I went to dinner Friday with this group of people I met through so-and-so) but difficult to extract the ways that I’ve been able to successfully make friends. I think I am naturally good at meeting people which I take for granted, I know it can be a huge challenge for people in a situation like mine. 

For me the reason why I think I’ve been successful at this in Atlanta as well as other cities and situations (e.g., when I transferred to UVA as an out of state student and literally began making strong friendships my first night) is partly because I’ve been open to any and everything like I’ve written about before. But also since I really push myself to really connect with and get to know people. You have to actually be interested in hearing about the point of view or position in life or understand what makes a person tick. This is something that I’ve always naturally done, I actually don’t feel comfortable around people nor do I consider myself close with a person unless this I know them on a deeper level. 

Just a hypothesis based on only a few data points from observations of friends but I think that one of the reasons why some people find it challenging to make new friends in new cities is that they are not trying to get to know new people on this really true, almost raw level. 

It’s a balance because of course you don’t want to come across as too intense or insincere but I think this is the best way to really forge strong friendships which is key to being happy and settled in a new place.

With that, I’ll start to do a better job of sharing my weekends and maybe ways that I’ve gotten to know people well in just a few weeks. First weekend recap to come tomorrow or Monday!

ever want to just escape a project?

I had a moment the other day when I literally just wanted to run away from a project.

I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even figure out how to articulate what I was struggling with to my manager let alone to my executive sponsor. On top of this I simply couldn’t figure out what would be my most immediate next step.

Typically my go-to is to get away from my desk, even if just for a moment. I have been known to leave the office at lunch to walk around; walk outside, through nearby stores, malls, whatever. I have also been known to be a behind-closed-doors-in-the-office-crier when things get really bad (yup, I’ll admit it). But this time I was just so overwhelmed and discouraged that I couldn’t even muster up the energy to walk to the bathroom or get a cup of water. Additionally the open floor-plan of my office just made me hyperaware of myself and everyone around me so staying put at my desk actually made me feel less exposed.

Since this was an excruciatingly immobilizing and overwhelming feeling for me I thought that it might be for others as well. With that, I thought I’d share what I did to get out of this state. Here it goes:

• I reread all of the emails/things that were making me feel swirly/off/uncomfortable/whatever you want to call it. Doing that I noticed that there was one thing that I completely misread (luckily I hadn’t yet replied/reacted).
• I figured out what I personally needed, what I wasn’t getting, and what I thought I should do. I realized that going to whine to my executive sponsor at this point (because it would have been a whine not a conversation) was really more of a way to lick my own wounds, save a little face, and possibly point some blame. I needed to actually take ownership and action. (side note: I actually take a huge issue with pointing blame and never do it but I could sense myself getting to such a low point that it might have crept out)
• I read the funny article my best friend posted on my Facebook timeline (it was like she knew that at that very second I needed a complete mental break).
• I actually went to the bathroom and got a cup of water (in that order).
• I replied to some emails; sucked up my pride and resisted the urge to include the caveats/explanations that I so desperately wanted to mention since they were basically making excuses about why things were going the way they were.
• Last, I started to put together the skeleton for this post. I didn’t write it all at once but rather I came back to the draft as I often do. Putting these frustrations down really helped me gather my thoughts and then clear my head.

This moment of uneasiness followed by really thinking hard has made me realize that as I progress in my career I do need to spend a bit more time thinking through my approach in general. While I already prepare for conversations and meetings, perhaps I need to prep a bit more. 

I remember talking with my manager a few days after this and being able to better recap what happened and what I needed from myself, from her, from others. I still could have probably been a bit more buttoned up but she has my back and knows I am still evolving as a working professional.

This sort of stuff happens to the best of us and like many things in life how you react and how (or if, for some) you can get through turmoil is what really matters. 

I wonder what other people do in the moment when they feel just monumentally overwhelmed. Reader base of 4: what do you do??

feedback

Last week I sat down with my manager to review my progress to date. I’ve had multiple feedback conversations, both formal and informal, throughout my career so this was nothing new for me but for some reason this one made me a little, well, panicked. 

I think it’s really important to understand where you stand in a professional role. Feedback conversations should be ongoing and an annual or mid-year review should not include anything all that surprising. Despite this I was in knots the days leading up to our discussion.

This was especially strange to me since I had requested the conversation. I had done this because a few weeks ago I realized that while I believed I was doing well and while I had received positive feedback from a few people, I didn’t know for sure that my performance was stellar -- or even sufficient -- in the eyes of my manager and leadership team. 

I’ll spare the suspense and say that my feedback was excellent so my anxiety was unwarranted. But it really surprised me how nervous I was.

Though when I think about the situation I guess it does make sense. I’ve been in my new role for going on 10 weeks now and was told upon being hired that my first 90 days were a trial period. While I have confidence in my work, again, I think it’s critical to know where you stand. Perhaps it’s not anymore or any less important, but it certainly feels more significant when you move hundreds of miles away for a new job. The last thing I wanted was to be told on day 89, or 90, or 91, “This has been nice and all but you haven’t been performing up to our expectations soooo you’re going to have to go… Good luck in this new city you just moved to…” Suddenly the pressure was mounting and the sizable risk that I might have set myself up for a disaster was becoming real. 

This might make some people NOT want to hear feedback. But hiding from or avoiding something doesn’t make it any less real. As the day of my conversation with my manager approached I had to remind myself that the anxiety I was feeling was natural, normal, and would soon be eased. 

I won’t sugarcoat it, not all feedback conversations go smoothly. You need to be prepared for the good and the bad. Or should I say, be prepared for positive feedback and feedback on your development opportunities. I have received feedback that has blindsided me, but I’ve become better for it. Remain humble and composed, really listen, and be open to learning how you are perceived; this is how you get better. And after all it’s all about getting better. 

The next time time you’re unsure of where you stand, or even if you’re pretty sure of where you stand, ask for feedback. Have a conversation about your performance, your progress, and your potential. 

What do you professionally is important. It is not your life but it is a big part of your life. It literally funds what you can and cannot do and you need to take it seriously and own it.

Wedding Weekend Getaway

This past weekend I was in the wedding of one of my closest friends. Quick hits: the ceremony was beautiful, the party was epic, the bride was beyond gorgeous, and I could not be more over the moon for the newlyweds.

I saw a ton of friends from college, DC, and Richmond. I also met a lot of the family of the bride and groom. As I assumed there would be, there were a lot of questions about my move and how things were going for me. Almost across the board the reactions of the people I talked with were positive and the conversations were filled with admiration.  People told me they were impressed by my boldness. Some would speculate whether or not they would be able to up and move to a new city without knowing anyone. I felt proud of taking ownership over my life and the conversations were fun.

Though one comment was interesting. One guy asked me if I was really enjoying Atlanta or if I was just saying that I was.

I was initially taken aback by the question and I was quick to confirm that yes, I in fact was happy and wasn’t simply claiming to be. It wasn't really until a bit after the conversation ended when it really sunk it and I realized what a great question it was. And a totally fair one at that. Additionally it was a question I hadn't actually asked myself yet.

The guy who asked me this made a move similar to mine a couple years ago. As every experience is different, his was different from mine; I don't know all the details but I know he didn't love the city he moved to and moved from there not too long ago. With this in mind I also think his question was coming from a good, experienced place. 

I haven’t decided my answer just yet. I really do think I am sincerely happy so I think my answer was truthful. But it's something I want to mull over. I don't plan on being hyperaware of it, that's silly. Also, I am a big believer in positive thinking and creating the energy you want around you, so thinking positively about my move might be self-fulfilling in a way.  

But I really do want to consider this question as time goes by. I want to be really present with myself so that I can continue to assess my feelings. Luckily for me I think I already have a way of doing this, and actually tracking my feelings: this blog.

I'll continue to be open about my thoughts and feelings. I'll try to push myself to share even more of my personal and professional life. And we'll see how it goes :)

chilled? sort of

Yesterday I wrote about needing to chill the F out. I’d like to report that today I took my own advice (in a way).

This morning I went to a TRX class across town. I went earlier this week so to get there I selected what I thought was the address from some of my most recent Google map navigation entries (not sure what I should call them). Well, I realized that I had selected the wrong address when I was about 2 miles away from a restaurant I had gone to for drinks this past week. Luckily I didm’t waste that much time hough I was now on track to arrive at 10:05 for my 10am class. Anyone who knows me knows that this would likely cause me some anxiety, I hate being late for anything, especially when I’m new-ish at a class, course, job, etc. 

I surprised myself and didn’t really flinch. Thinking rationally, I knew there was a 9am class so the chances that we started the 10 right on time were pretty slim. I also thought through the worst case scenario, which would be that I would not be allowed in the class, I’d turnaround, go home, and work out in the gym at my apartment. Probably one of the best worst case scenarios in the history of worst case scenarios. 

I got there at 10:02, a good 2 minutes before class started.

My ability to relax was no major success. Nothing to write home about (though I am writing here about it so technically my mom could read this -- if you are, Hi mom!!) but a small victory in the game of being more at ease.

I share this because I think it’s really important to take note of these little victories. Don’t make them bigger than they are (I promise I won’t write about my inability to follow direction or even plug in an address, or being late ever again) but take a moment, remind yourself it’s all about progress and personal growth, then move on so you can keep growing. 

Happy Sunday!

chill the F out

Sometimes I need to chill the F out. Really.

When something is going on in my life that I'm really proud of or excited about, or making me nervous, there are some people I just cannot wait to tell. But sometimes my delivery can come at bad times. I get overeager or overzealous and just can’t wait which actually is pretty counterintuitive to the reason why I’m even sharing my news to given with. Why would I want to spring something like my news of a big project or an exciting personal endeavor with a friend who I know is going through a rocky time at her job? It's inconsiderate but also -- since we often tend to care more about things that have a direct impact to us -- my poor timing will likely result in my news not generating the excited, celebratory reaction I was hoping for.

When I am able to successfully chill the F out and use my intuition to share at an appropriate time, it's almost always well received; I almost always get the reaction I'm looking for.

This happens well beyond my personal world as well. A former manager of mine once told me one of my biggest strengths was my ability to "connect the dots insanely quickly." He also mentioned that this this was one of my biggest downfalls (or "development areas"). See I could figure out lickedly-split what the repercussions would be if X didn't happen, I could break down how out something like a TV production schedule over the next few weeks would be negatively impacted by one stinking delayed decision. I would share this knowledge until I was blue in the face; I thought I was helping people by raising red flags about timing and this and that. For him, and a good number of the people who have given me feedback over the years, this was actually sometimes a negative thing.

Sometimes I was seen as being a roadblock, I was seen as being negative (a characteristic that couldn’t describe me less). My timing and my inability to just relax was getting in my own way; if I would calm down and yup, chill I would be much more likely to have successful influence within my projects and teams.

Sure raising a flag or getting something off your chest is important and sometimes just has to happen but often for me what needs to happen is just chilling the F out. Taking a moment to assess my audience, assess my situation, assess what I want and need out of the situation whether it's an activity, project at work, friendship, Friday night, relationship -- this really applies to everything-- and then go from there.

I often just get so excited about things. And generally I truly think I am helping others. But sometimes the best move is no move. Chill. Go to lunch. Sleep on it. Delete the text message. Step away from the email. 

You're not losing steam or not making progress; you're making progress thoughtfully.