making decisions: the importance of knowing what’s important to you

I moved earlier this month. Again. This is the 4th time that I’ve moved in 15 months. That’s all I’ll say about that. 

So why did I move? I had a really nice apartment, I was centrally located so I had great access to all the areas of Atlanta where I spend much of my time, plus moving is the worst. 

It’s pretty simple: I wasn’t able to walk anywhere from my old apartment.

If you’re familiar with Atlanta this is pretty common. Much of the city isn’t walkable. There are a handful of neighborhoods that are (Virginia Highlands, Inman Park, and Midtown, where I now live) but other major areas (Buckhead, Peachtree Hills, Brookhaven) are not. I knew this moving to the city and I had gotten pretty used to driving or taking Uber everywhere. So how and why did this become something that was so important to me that I would subject myself to yet another move? 

It wasn't until just a few months ago when a close friend was visiting me that I realized this was really bothering me and the first time I first realized I could pretty easily change it. It wasn't any earth shattering conversation but having an external party who I trusted and who knew me to help me extract and identify my prioritizes was really key for me. 

The challenge was that many of the places that are pedestrian friendly have low inventory and pretty high demand so I had to move quickly. I also had to prioritize what I was looking for in the actual unit. But after I acknowledged that my main goal was to move somewhere that was walkable my other priorities like having a gym, pool, washer/dryer, dishwasher, staying within my budget, having a balcony, distance to my office and so on, fell into their placed and were reordered accordingly and pretty easily. 

So what happened? How's my apartment? I landed in a new place within my budget, in the exact area I wanted, with all the amenities I wanted, that is except for a balcony.

Almost two weeks ago while I was unpacking and settling into my new place I felt these happy, proud feelings wash over me. I started to think about how fortunate I was that I come to this realization, that I had found a place in my ideal location within my budget, with nearly all my desired amenities all relatively quickly. Then I paused. It was more than simple fortune that led me to this new physical place in life. I had been very deliberate. I had done my research. I had been both diligent and realistic in my search. Most importantly I had taken the time to consider what I really wanted and prioritized accordingly. 

Easy right?

It was. So why not apply this focused approach in other areas of life? Why not employ this self-awareness and act deliberately in all facets of life.

As I through the steps that I took when prioritizing and then acting deliberately in my apartment search I realized these are really quite basic, but important.

Now it's easy to think about this for an apartment hunt. Priorities are things like location, amenities, price, etc. But surely the core of this concept is transferable. 

So what were they again?

1. Think about what you want. Sounds pretty simple, right? Well it is. What do you want? Great, that's your answer. Really, that's it. In whatever area of life it is, just think about what you want
2. Is this realistic? One of the things I want is a million dollars but that likely won't appear out of thin area. 
3. Not sure what you want? This is a critical piece of this exercise but you're not alone if you're just not sure. Don't be shy about talking it through with someone else; choose someone who knows you well and open up to him or her. This was invaluable for me in this scenario along with tens of others I've experienced and I'm sure ones that you've experience. 
4. Prioritize. What do you want most? This might be an exercise in getting to know yourself a bit but prioritizing your priorities is part of being a realistic adult. 
5. Go. Do it. Seriously. 

Again, any and all facets of life would benefit from more prioritization. What are some examples? Knowing and assessing your priorities when considering something big like taking a new job, or moving to a new city. Maybe you really want to be in New York City but this particular opportunity would require a pay cut or perhaps the role would be a lateral move and you want something a little higher so you decide to wait; that's okay. Or how about something as seemingly basic as deciding how you will spend your Friday evening-- do you want to go out or do you want to order Thai food and sit on your couch? It might not seem like it but this is both an ongoing question I face in my life and something I find far too many of my friends exert energy thinking about, actually worrying about. Setting your priorities straight will really help. 

At the end of the day with these and many personal decisions, there's no right or wrong answer. As long as you take the time to assess your own wants and needs then make your decision(s) based on that you're choosing the best thing for you. 

So get going. Get thinking and prioritizing and start moving through your life with focus and purpose. 

feedback

Last week I sat down with my manager to review my progress to date. I’ve had multiple feedback conversations, both formal and informal, throughout my career so this was nothing new for me but for some reason this one made me a little, well, panicked. 

I think it’s really important to understand where you stand in a professional role. Feedback conversations should be ongoing and an annual or mid-year review should not include anything all that surprising. Despite this I was in knots the days leading up to our discussion.

This was especially strange to me since I had requested the conversation. I had done this because a few weeks ago I realized that while I believed I was doing well and while I had received positive feedback from a few people, I didn’t know for sure that my performance was stellar -- or even sufficient -- in the eyes of my manager and leadership team. 

I’ll spare the suspense and say that my feedback was excellent so my anxiety was unwarranted. But it really surprised me how nervous I was.

Though when I think about the situation I guess it does make sense. I’ve been in my new role for going on 10 weeks now and was told upon being hired that my first 90 days were a trial period. While I have confidence in my work, again, I think it’s critical to know where you stand. Perhaps it’s not anymore or any less important, but it certainly feels more significant when you move hundreds of miles away for a new job. The last thing I wanted was to be told on day 89, or 90, or 91, “This has been nice and all but you haven’t been performing up to our expectations soooo you’re going to have to go… Good luck in this new city you just moved to…” Suddenly the pressure was mounting and the sizable risk that I might have set myself up for a disaster was becoming real. 

This might make some people NOT want to hear feedback. But hiding from or avoiding something doesn’t make it any less real. As the day of my conversation with my manager approached I had to remind myself that the anxiety I was feeling was natural, normal, and would soon be eased. 

I won’t sugarcoat it, not all feedback conversations go smoothly. You need to be prepared for the good and the bad. Or should I say, be prepared for positive feedback and feedback on your development opportunities. I have received feedback that has blindsided me, but I’ve become better for it. Remain humble and composed, really listen, and be open to learning how you are perceived; this is how you get better. And after all it’s all about getting better. 

The next time time you’re unsure of where you stand, or even if you’re pretty sure of where you stand, ask for feedback. Have a conversation about your performance, your progress, and your potential. 

What do you professionally is important. It is not your life but it is a big part of your life. It literally funds what you can and cannot do and you need to take it seriously and own it.

Wedding Weekend Getaway

This past weekend I was in the wedding of one of my closest friends. Quick hits: the ceremony was beautiful, the party was epic, the bride was beyond gorgeous, and I could not be more over the moon for the newlyweds.

I saw a ton of friends from college, DC, and Richmond. I also met a lot of the family of the bride and groom. As I assumed there would be, there were a lot of questions about my move and how things were going for me. Almost across the board the reactions of the people I talked with were positive and the conversations were filled with admiration.  People told me they were impressed by my boldness. Some would speculate whether or not they would be able to up and move to a new city without knowing anyone. I felt proud of taking ownership over my life and the conversations were fun.

Though one comment was interesting. One guy asked me if I was really enjoying Atlanta or if I was just saying that I was.

I was initially taken aback by the question and I was quick to confirm that yes, I in fact was happy and wasn’t simply claiming to be. It wasn't really until a bit after the conversation ended when it really sunk it and I realized what a great question it was. And a totally fair one at that. Additionally it was a question I hadn't actually asked myself yet.

The guy who asked me this made a move similar to mine a couple years ago. As every experience is different, his was different from mine; I don't know all the details but I know he didn't love the city he moved to and moved from there not too long ago. With this in mind I also think his question was coming from a good, experienced place. 

I haven’t decided my answer just yet. I really do think I am sincerely happy so I think my answer was truthful. But it's something I want to mull over. I don't plan on being hyperaware of it, that's silly. Also, I am a big believer in positive thinking and creating the energy you want around you, so thinking positively about my move might be self-fulfilling in a way.  

But I really do want to consider this question as time goes by. I want to be really present with myself so that I can continue to assess my feelings. Luckily for me I think I already have a way of doing this, and actually tracking my feelings: this blog.

I'll continue to be open about my thoughts and feelings. I'll try to push myself to share even more of my personal and professional life. And we'll see how it goes :)

big moving milestone

Tonight marks the first night that I was invited out and declined the invite. Up until now I’ve made it a point never to decline any invitation in Atlanta since like I’ve written about in a previous post, I’ve had this irrational fear that if I said no I would never get invited out again by that person. 

Maybe it's silly but it actually feels like a big milestone. I remember a similar feeling when I transferred colleges my second year. The first time that I felt like I was able to decide what I would do not because it was the only option presented to me but because it was what made me happy. 

I feel content and at ease enough in my life down here which makes me start to feel like I don’t need to do everything or do something all the time. Not that tonight wouldn’t have been fun, in fact it was one of my favorite people in Atlanta who invited me out. But I was happy working out, making dinner, and relaxing while watching Hocus Pocus. 

The fact that I grabbed drinks on Wednesday then saw a movie last night might also have something to do with it but that’s okay. Doing things those nights made me happy and doing absolutely nothing tonight makes me happy right now. 

moving is making me fat

I’ve been bad about posting this past week. The only excuse I have is that I’ve just been super busy. Everyone is of course, but it really is incredible how much time it can take to figure out a new schedule and routine.

This is a challenge for many reasons, perhaps I will detail these another time, but there is one main issue I am currently working through: moving is making me fat.

Not really. But really. (Total girl thing to say, I know)

I have definitely added a pound or two (okay three or four) since moving. Luckily I had probably dropped a pound or two (or three or four) before I moved. 

How/why is a mix of a couple of things:

- Workout Routine: When I work out, where, how long, etc.. This is all new stuff I have to figure out. It’s all pretty basic I know but I had a pretty incredible gym setup via my old company in DC that I’m just spoiled from. We had an onsite gym where for $15 a month I had access to the gym, unlimited classes, free personal training sessions twice a week, on top of all this I could get workouts in during the workday. So far in ATL I haven’t signed up for a gym membership but I’ve been going to the gym in my apartment regularly and have some fitness classes via groupon that are burning a whole in my pocket.

- Overall Schedule: I’ve been so busy at work (bad excuse, we all are) and it’s been challenging to find time for everything. Again, this is the problem of the masses but on top of the normal grind I have had miscellaneous things like spending hours on the phone regarding my COBRA plan (actually COBRA’s been pretty easy, but I have been on a ton of customer service calls after work until 9pm). I want to be mindful of not overextending myself and not becoming the embodiment of one of the all-time best Saved By The Bell scenes when Jessie goes crazy on caffeine pills. I won’t even post the gif. For two reasons, first everyone knows it, second, I still haven’t figured out how to upload gifs to my blog.

- Time in Apartment: Also since this is the first time I’ve lived on my own I’ve been really eager to get back to my apartment and just do nothing. Not having roommates has been so great (though I have had great roommates in the past, love you all!) that it’s almost as if I’ve wanted to just revel in the alone time which has caused me to rush through a workout, or plant myself on my couch right after getting home exhausted from work with endless snacks.

- Eating in the Apartment: To that end, since I don’t have roommates I don’t have a silent judgment of another girl as I pace the kitchen looking for a[nother] snack. Not that my roommates ever cared what I ate but I think unfortunately it’s common for girl roommates to size up what each other eat.

- Food in General: This may seem silly but I’m still getting the hang of my entire new food routine, if you will. This includes figuring out what my go-to grocery stores are and what products I can and can’t get there. Also what my normal lunch is. I had a really awesome cafeteria set up in DC, to incentive associates to make healthy choices (a tax right off likely) healthy options were cheaper. I literally ate a salad so big I routinely couldn’t finish it every day. Now I have to shop and prepare my own salads and veggies in general. This is a pint size problem but just another element of change that I hadn’t considered.

- Booze/Dining Out: Perhaps the most obvious piece of this is since I am actively trying to meet people and make friends it’s hard to get away from boozing a few more nights a week than normal (even just a drink or two adds up..) As one of my friends in DC put it, “No one wants to be the girl who orders a soda water at happy hour."

The good news (well, I’m choosing to see it as motivating and therefore good) is that I am a bridesmaid in a close friend’s wedding in a few weeks and I think she’d appreciate it if i fit into my bridesmaid dress. Not that I’m at risk of not fitting into it but I also want to look good. I am choosing to make this the “reason” why I am reverting back to my healthy eating. Not that I need a reason but sometimes it feels easier, or feels like your decision is accepted more easily, if you have something motivating you.

Those are my gripes. I am hoping, and planning on, taking some swift action on this situation. Speaking of which I should actually get myself to the gym..

it’s only money honey

Whenever I get stressed out or overwhelmed about money my dad has always said to me, "It's only money honey.” 

It’s not that my parents have a ton of money to throw around, he’s just good at keeping things in perspective. 

When you boil it down people have jobs and make money for a reason: to live their lives. 

I have not personally encountered another instance when this was more important to keep in mind, but impossible to swallow, as moving and adjusting to a new city. Everything is SO expensive. I knew it would be and I didn’t even move to a super expensive city, but man, things are EXPENSIVE.

I am a pretty self aware person. I am quite mindful of money (this sounds better than saying frugal). I also have never successfully settled into a new apartment after the first month of being in a new place; meaning if I don’t do things like buy new curtains and hang them up immediately I will never do them.

Within my first few weeks of living in Atlanta I had a couple grand racked up on credit cards. I moved some money around and was able to have interest removed from a CC billing cycle (seriously you’d be amazed at how companies will help loyal customers if you just explain your circumstances and ask). Still, staying on top of my finances has been challenging.

Normally I would pull back my shopping (which I really have done) as well as going out to dinner, grabbing drinks, etc. But not going out to dinners and for drinks can put you in another difficult situation as a young professional in a new city: you’d have nothing to do. 

To get adjusted and be happy in a new environment you need to say yes to (almost) any and all invitations. You should go out to dinner and grab drinks with new friends. You need to be safe and pay for a cab across town if you’ve had one too many whiskey gingers (or whatever). Sometimes you have to just forget about it and remind yourself that you’re investing in your own happiness.

I know that this may be teetering on whiney or first-world-problems-y but this is an important part of this life stage for those in it and I want to acknowledge it. 

It’s about keeping things in perspective and making yourself able to live the life that you want and that you are building for yourself. That and like my dad says, it's only money, honey.

Oh, and also, keep your receipts just in case you want to return anything…

Just some of my collection of moving receipts