can we make lateral moves in our personal lives as well?

Perhaps the most prevailing, healthiest school of thought regarding personal progress is to not compare yourself to others. Instead, compare yourself to yourself. Seek self-improvement year-over-year or over other periods of time. 

I most definitely agree with this and try to measure my own growth in this way. Though I wonder, is it okay to have lateral growth in your personal life?

Professionally, especially after a few years into the workplace or once a person hits a steady stride in his or her career, lateral moves and growth should be expected and sought out. Personally I’ve already made two very decided lateral moves in my career.

When I moved from Richmond to DC a few years ago I remained at the same company, in the same department, but moved to a different team. I left what was a very sexy role that offered me significant exposure to very senior executives (I’m talking C-level). I know some people, especially in my own peer set, must have thought I was crazy. But it was thought-out. I was intentionally diversifying myself so to broaden my own experience, figure out what I liked and didn’t like, as well as what I was good at and what I wasn’t so good at. After about a year I made another lateral move. Again, I am sure there were skeptics and people who had strong perspectives about my choices. Again, it was all very thought-out. 

Sure, I took a risk in these moves. I could have most certainly realized that the first role was in fact what I should have stuck with. I’m sure my career and life would have been fine -- wonderful in fact -- had I done that, but I personally needed more. 

I believe 100% that while my lateral moves might have seemingly stagnated me for a few years they taught me an incredible amount, made me more well rounded and experienced, and set me up to be catapulted to where I am today.

I would think most professionals, provided they are comfortable taking thought-out risks, would agree with lateral moves at some point in a career. I wonder though, can we make lateral moves in our personal lives?

I have a friend who once told me when he broke up with a longtime girlfriend that for him life and relationships were about growth. He and this girl were no longer growing together, which meant to him, that they were growing apart. While I believe this to an extent in relationships, if you’re not growing [upwards] as a person is it not progress to grow in a different way?

I’m not talking about getting fat here. I’m talking about maybe taking two steps forward but then floundering, making some mistakes, and maybe taking one step, or sometimes two, or sometimes even three steps back. But learning from these stumbles, picking yourself up, and continuing on. We encourage this professionally, but do we -- can we, or should we -- encourage this personally or socially?

I'm all about progress. I consider myself a pretty driven, put together person. Though I'm human and I have my moments when I am a mess. 

Some of my close friends might have an idea what is driving me to consider this. I don’t know the answer and I am not making excuses, but if it’s all about growth why do we have to control the way -- upwards or outwards -- that we grow? If we’re learning we’re learning and to me that’s progress. 

seeking some accountability

I find when I write things down I am much more accountable. Well, in an effort to hold myself accountable to some upcoming goals (pretty basic stuff) and to finally be completely settled into my new apartment, I will leverage my blog.

To set the stage know that I’ve felt like today was Friday all week. This is the worst because, well, today is Thursday. The bad news is that this will make tomorrow a bummer but the good news (I’m a silver linings person) is that this gives me a bit more time to think about the things I’d like to actually get done this weekend. 

I've been having some super fun weekends recently. I know, why stop now? I don’t plan on having a boring or bad weekend, I just really need to get organized in a few specific areas of my life. Don't worry, those on my distro list will still get the daily quota of snaps (gotta to my part to keep their valuation near that $3B mark, right?!) I just need to use my time more, err, wisely.

With that, here are the main things I’d like to do:

• Purchase and put up this bookshelf (Side note: normally I am not a huge Ikea fan but I have a TV stand and a desk that I surprisingly love and plan on getting the bookshelf from the same line; on top of not usually loving Ikea I often don’t like matchy-matchy pieces, just trying something different here; finally I don’t think I’ll paint it but that’s a cute idea for another apartment and this is the link I lifted from Pinterest)
• Put books/DVDs/pictures on bookshelf (have them in boxes in the place where said bookshelf will hopefully soon live)
• Look for frames for 3 photos I'd like to add to my photo wall 
• Start to think about Xmas gifts for family/friends

All pretty do-able stuff. Let's see what I can declare checked off come Sunday night/Monday morning. I am also interested in how I react to public accountability!

Finally for some visual interest, here are some before pictures….

A little to the left of this back corner will be where my new bookshelf lives

Some of my boxes of books (we’ll see what all fits)

Picture wall as of right now (don’t judge the messy papers/boxes to the left of my desk)

*Thanks to CLo for the interior decorating tips! 

The case for investing in cute clothes for work

How many times have we all needed to justify an expensive clothing purchase for work? Maybe a nice sweater, or a button-up, or a pair of heels (or two of the same pair: one for work and one for going out)? Whether you have had to justify this to yourself, a partner, or a parent (though I'm a big fan of self-sufficiency...) keep reading to learn why I support moving forward with such purchases.

When a person (okay, maybe only girls, I'll do some research on fellas and get back to you) wears an outfit she's super happy with, maybe she feels sexy, or smart, or skinny, or just all around confident, she feels better about herself; her actions and demeanor reflect this. Women’s lib-ers, don’t get hateful, I’m one of the biggest feminists you’ll ever meet, this is just science. Okay, it’s not science but I can tell you that personally, my overall disposition is impacted by wearing a great outfit and I know almost all of my friends are impacted the same way.

This was also true for me in college though slightly different since I'd rock Norts and a frat T like any sorority girl most days but when I had an exam I needed to be put together. If you maintained the “didn’t try” vibe all the time(but we all know you spent some time trying to achieve that...) consider how you pulled yourself together during a presentation.

Or beyond college think about how you’ve dressed when meeting the parents of a significant other. Or when you know you're going to a happy hour after work and you wear a favorite outfit and/or bring your makeup bag to touch up before heading into the bar. I do both of these things. In fact, since it’s a rare occasion that I turn down an impromptu happy hour, I find myself slightly annoyed if I’m wearing something boring or don’t have my makeup bag.

I think we’d all agree that this is pretty Girl 101 stuff. But it’s top of mind for me after thinking about this from a different perspective recently. The other day I overslept aggressively. Getting ready in a hurry I put on what is quite possibly the weirdest outfit I’ve worn since elementary school (keep in mind that I wore A LOT of tie dye back then, and not all the cool tie dye that I wear nowadays…)

I tried to block this outfit out of my mind but I think I had on a tan shrug from wet seal (literally from high school, maybe even middle school) over a black cami (thick straps thankfully -- my only saving grace), black slacks, gold-ish flats (nope, didn’t even try to save this outfit with heels), and this random necklace an ex-boyfriend brought me back from Israel (totally over him, it’s just a cool necklace that I’ve never gotten rid of).

It could have been worse, yes, but I have been showing up MUCH better ever since I started actually using Pinterest and sometimes looking at it in the morning when I get dressed (has everyone else already been doing this?!)

Anyway, then I had a bad day. Not a get fired, or a make an ass out if yourself in the office, or even a sob your eyes out on the drive home behind yor sunglasses (though, this reminds me that I was wearing my eyeglasses, which really needed to be adjusted so were a tad crooked on my face). Just a bad day.

Of course I probably would have had the same day if I had worn something different but there was a moment after stripping out of this disgusting outfit the second I got home when I wondered if I was in something a tad cuter, something I was happy and confident in, if the bad parts of the day would have rolled off me. Again, I realize that the chances that I would have had a very similar day are high but maybe my outfit would have made me more confident or maybe I would have at least been distracted and the day wouldn't have affected me so much.

I think it’s a fair and real to think that the better you look the better you feel, and when you feel good you are able to perform better.

Note: I am not advocating irresponsible spending; those who know me know how, err, frugal, I am. I am simply advocating how fashion choices can improve your mood, self-confidence, and in turn (I think) productivity. If you can live your best life in a pair of black slacks and a white button up (I call this the middle school ensemble band look...) then more power to ya, but I sometimes I need a little boost and I think that’s okay.

But hey, if a bad day comes regardless of your outfit, just head on home, put on some sweats, pop open a bottle of red vino and I promise, your day will get better. 

weekend recap

Well, this was a fun and interesting weekend. Will share some favorite parts...

Friday I went to see a movie with a friend which was a nice, low-key change of pace. We saw "Bad Grandpa" which was actually hysterical. 

Saturday was action-packed. Did a Fly Barre class which was amazing and hard and I'm still feeling it; then got manis and pedis with some girls. Watched the UVA/UNC game at a UVA alumni event, though most of the people who were there were not from UVA but from Vanderbilt so it turned into a bit of a Vandy viewing party. I went to an event for Junior Committee, which I've mentioned before. It was casino themed so I woke up with some chips in my purse. 

Sunday I went to the Falcons/Seahawks game which was awesome. I have been wanting to go to a game so when a friend was given some tickets from a partner at his office I was easily convinced to join. Ate a lot of wings and chips and queso. Solid Sunday. 

Did hear some bad news this weekend. A friend of mine down here who moved to be with her boyfriend just ended things with said (now ex) boyfriend. I have another friend who I mentioned in a previous post who had something very, very similar happen. Really sad. Not much more to say. I plan on seeing her a lot over the next few days/weeks. She mentioned that she was really happy to have my positive energy in her life right now. I'm glad that there's legitimately a little bit of comfort I can give her. Break ups are always really hard. 

All and all, a good and fun/funny weekend. Big shout out to everyone I spent time with, especially Saturday, and anyone who got my snap chats this weekend. I'll just leave it at that and leave you with a photo from the Falcons game.

Our seats were closer to the bottom left corner, this is in front of Taco Mac in the Georgia Dome

feedback part 2

A little while ago I wrote about the importance of asking for feedback. A good friend of mine mentioned to me that she read my post (YAY!) and it reminded her that she needed to do this herself. She also mentioned that she wasn’t quite sure how she should go about it.

See, she's pretty new in her role as well. She also came from a company with a more formalized process. This inspired me to write up some thoughts on requesting feedback when your company doesn’t offer it up to you in a super formal way.

With that, here ya go!

• Conversation add-on - Usually I am all about being upfront but when requesting feedback not during a formal review I have personally felt the most comfortable, and had success, in ending a conversation with this request. I have usually said something like, “I was also hoping to check-in and get some feedback from you on my progress” at the end of a routine check-in with a manager. Maybe saying “hoping” is a cop out and I should be more direct but this has worked for me and has made me feel the most comfortable.

• Behind closed doors - Hey, it’s your feedback and your office but I’m a fan of privacy for these kinds of conversations. Typically formal reviews are in private, but if you and your manager sometimes have your check-ins in an open area perhaps steer him or her in the direction of a huddle room for this conversation. You want to feel like you have the room to be open and honest, you also want to be sure you give your manager this room. I have witnessed feedback sessions out in the open in offices and let me tell you, it’s weird. Even if the feedback is going to be positive don’t be that person. 

• Be confident, not cocky - So clever and original, I know. But really, you should be confident when requesting feedback. Also position your request in a way that makes you feel comfortable (see my approach above), when you’re comfortable you’re likely to be more confident.

• Come prepared with your own feedback - Feedback conversations are a two-way street, at a minimum you should be actively listening (perhaps you offer up ways to incorporate the feedback into your routine to be sure you’re hearing it correctly) but you should also come with your own thoughts about your performance. Be truthful, don’t say that you work too hard (unless you do, then maybe rather than saying something like you “care too much” position it as you “take on too much”). Come with your own positive feedback too, remember you’re your biggest advocate and while your manager should be invested in you since your successes directly impacts  his or her success you can’t always control this; you can control what your manager hears during this conversation so why not lay out explicitly all the awesome things you’ve been up to.

• Your feedback should also be about your manager - Yes this is about you, mostly. But your manager is also a part of your development and you are a part of his or hers. It’s totally fair for your manager to ask for feedback from you as part of this conversation, in fact you should expect it. Have some real thoughts ready.

• Be ready to have the convo now, or later - No one likes to be blindsided; you don’t want to be startled by negative feedback out of nowhere but your manager (or whomever you’re soliciting feedback from) doesn’t want to be startled either. Don’t put him or her on the spot. If he or she gives you some immediately, that’s great, but if he or she doesn’t that’s fine too. Schedule time a few days out (I’d keep it within 2 weeks) and have a conversation about it. 

• So cliché, but be open - Don’t, I repeat, don’t get defensive. You are asking for feedback and you should want to hear it. Even if there are some bad things in there don’t you want to know what they are? Be open, be calm, be poised. If you are taken aback by something or if you just need more time to digest know that you can always revisit the conversation. You can say something like, “I never thought of it like that. I’d like to think about a few ways to apply that feedback then run them past you.” Another approach is simply, “I'd like to digest this all a bit. I might have some questions later on.” 

• Know that you’re doing the right thing, and you’re growing - Even if you’re a little uncomfortable with this sort of conversation know that you’re getting better from it. It’ll get easier each time and you’ll get better each time-- at it and in general.  

Halloweekend recap

It's been a jam-packed past few days. I was so exhausted that I literally went to bed at 9:30 last night. Definitely not the earliest I've been under my covers as an adult, but the earliest in a long time.

Why so tired? Well, Halloween was last week of course, which, if you know me, means one thing: I’ve worn a wig a couple times over the past few days. On top of that there's just been a ton going on. Some highlights and pictures below. 

It really has been a super fun Halloweekend (a phrase my best friend in college was really fond of). Atlanta seemed to sorta go crazy during Halloween. Social craziness is understandable but in the office people were also in a tizzy. I think it’s always fun whenever an office sort of gets "spring fever" in anticipation of a holiday. By 3pm Wednesday the general feeling around my office, and by the influx of snap chats after lunch, Atlanta seemed to be in Halloween mode. I will also assume that everyone had ingested about 7-9 pieces of miniature candy by this point.

I did have a lot to do so it was a bit of a challenge to stay focused. More to come another time on some of the strategies I employed this week. 

On Halloween itself I went to work as Kris Jenner. Here's a little snapshot of our guest at my office:

It makes me even happier that my manager took this pic

One of my top costumes, but I think what I wore to a Halloween party on Friday might be the best I've ever done. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Judge Judy:  

Repurposed graduation gown, gavel from Model UN in high school, and of course the wig

The rest of the weekend included lots of dining out (Mexican and tapas Saturday aka SOO much queso dip), celebrating a friend's birthday, and playing -- but losing -- in kickball championships. 

And now back to the normal grind. Since there are no mid-week holidays for a while I am hoping to return to a bit of a routine for the sake of my waistline and wallet since 9 out the 16 meals I ate Tuesday - Sunday were at restaurants or take out. 

As one of my insightful friends said to me on Sunday, "There will always be time to workout/clean/eat healthy.” Although, if you know me you know I have no plans to do a ton of cleaning with any free time...

be purposeful, like Miley Cyrus

At the risk of being grossly late on this moment in American culture I wanted to put some thoughts to paper (err -- out in cyberspace) about what Miley Cyrus has been doing lately. 

Note: This is not an “open letter to Miley Cyrus.” I love reading those but quite frankly I am not funny enough for that. This is about her style, her approach to what she’s doing. In short: I love it and everyone needs to be this purposeful when going through a personal and/or professional change.

So I'll admit it, a little while ago I watched Miley’s special “The Movement” on MTV. There was too much going on about her in the media not to DVR it and late one weeknight when I should have been in bed it was calling to me from my DVR queue.

I was more than surprised and impressed at how thought-out all of her moves these last few months have been. 

I watched only part of the VMSa (for the *NSYNC reunion obviously) and did see her performance live. Of course I also saw a lot of the coverage after, the controversy of her outfit, behavior, tongue, etc. I thought, “Hey you’re an artist, you’re young, you do what you want.” I thought she had gotten great exposure by this extension of her moment, but I did think to myself, “She could have been more polished. Why not have an out there but really GOOD performance that everyone talks about??” 

I thought this under the assumption that she wasn’t thinking through her approach. After watching her special, boy was I wrong. 

Assuming she was being truthful in her MTV special, and I will make that assumption, everything from cutting her hair, to her statements on morning talk shows, to the timing of her singles and both releases of her documentary (which is obvious), have been thought through. And perhaps more impressive -- by her, not by a management machine. 

She has what I consider to be one of the most important things to go through a successful personal and/or professional change: a vision. Perhaps it’s not *totally* clear to her where she’ll end up in 1, 5, 10 years, and that’s okay. In fact it’s probably better, she’s giving herself wiggle room to continue to evolve. At a minimum she knows she wants a change and she is controlling who she becomes and how. That’s powerful. It’s inspiring and smart. 

It’s how everyone should operate when going through a change. Need a few clearer steps? Here’s a recap of some things that Miley has done (I’ve also thrown in things I have done) that can be applied to your change:

1. Understand you want something to change
Like many first steps, the first step is to admit you have a problem. Sometimes you know exactly what you want to change and sometimes you just know you need *something* to change. At a minimum Miley probably knew she wanted to step away from her Hannah Montana image. At first I knew I just needed something to be different. 

2. Figure out what you want to change
I assume that Miley knew she wanted a bolder image. I was able to hone in on the fact that it was time to take the next step professionally and that a different geographic location would probably do me some good.

3. Figure out how this is going to be accomplished
I’m sure Miley knew, or soon figured out, that this would mean exposing herself and her new style of music, her new haircut, her new style. I knew this would mean some job applications, interviews, and ultimately relocating. 

4. Figure out what this actually means for you 
Miley likely knew there would be backlash, she may have welcomed it because once the backlash hit it meant she was getting somewhere. I knew I would be thrown outside my comfort zone and have to physically move, acclimate to a new office and a new city, make new friends seemingly out of thin air, and recreate a life for myself. I think we both knew there would be ups and downs but it would be worth it.

5. Make it happen
That’s it. No one else will do it for you. Make it happen.

I’m not in any way saying to become Miley, or even that all change has to be radical. I’m simply saying there are elements in her approach we can all learn from.

Of course there are some things she’s done that we can make a point to not do. In my opinion she needs to let go of this effort to be perfect all the time. This is a waste of time. There are going to be bumps, and as best you can you need to embrace them. 

Still, kudos to Miley. Become inspired by her purpose-driven approach. Realize not everything will be perfect along the way, but if you think through your moves you can control where you end up.

And finally, keep in mind what our girl says, “At the end of the say the only person who has to be happy is me."