little things make a difference

Thursday morning I was running a bit late to work so by the time I neared the entrance to my parking deck there was a gentleman mopping the hallway of my apartment building. On the other side of the entrance out of his view was another tenant coming back inside from walking her dog and another locking up her front door.

The man offered a kind, "Good morning" to me to which I gave a cheery, "Good morning!" back.

Both of the woman on the other side of the hallway thought I was talking to them. Both replied, "Good morning" to me and then with a grin to each other.

It was a short and sweet encounter that made me walk to my car with a smile on my face. A short and sweet encounter, yes, but it was actually amazing to witness the immediate, small, but sizable impact this man's morning greeting had. 

Yesterday in the Atlanta airport I bought a water before heading to my gate for my trip out to Arizona. True to form I brought the generic water to the cashier who asked me if I preferred the generic to Fiji, the alternative. I laughed and told her I was simply driven by price (except when smart water is an option, I do splurge on that when I travel since flying is so dehydrating!) She then told me that the liter if Fiji was the same price as the liter of generic I had. She added that Fiji had a better pH balance so would have similar benefits to my preferred smart water; no idea if this is true or not but naturally I exchanged what I had for the same price, brand name water. 

It was early and the store was empty so we chatted for a bit. Her positive energy radiated off her. It was contagious and propelled me out of the fogI was still in following my 5:45 wake up call. 

Just like the morning before, her simple act of sincere kindness, sharing some small, secret knowledge really impacted my mood and morning for the better.

I try to keep moments like this in mind. Not necessarily to save them up for a proverbial rainy day but so that I remember that my kindness, my positive energy, my spirit and spunk can  likey do the same for someone else.

Not Stopping at Ninety: A Special Thursday Edition

"It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change." - Charles Darwin

I'll take a break from my planned Thursday blog post approach of Been There, Done That for a special homage to my Grandmother. Or perhaps we can consider since this is about her it's the ultimate Been There, Done That. 

Yesterday was my Grandmother's 90th birthday. Tomorrow I'm flying out to Arizona to celebrate with her and our family. To say I'm excited is an understatement.

See my grandmother, Martha, is one of the best, coolest, sassiest, and most spirited people I know. She has more spunk than some people I know my own age. Those who know her could share funny anecdote after anecdote, like the time she waltzed into a wedding rehearsal at the chapel on grounds at UVA because she wanted to see the inside of the building; my mom, friends and I waited for her outside mortified only to watch her walk out of the chapel less than five minutes later arm in arm with her new best bud, the bride. That's Martha. Lighthearted, fun, spirited, fearless, and up for anything. 

I am over the moon that we get to share this with her and celebrate her life.

Earlier this week I got to thinking about what happens over the course of ninety years and the above quote by one of the biggest fans of change and adaptation, Charles Darwin.

Lil' Martha was born in 1923. When she was born the world was still trying to catch its breath from World War I and the catastrophic causalities from influenza just years before.  In 1923 the first portable radio was available was made available but the now famous Hollywood sign in California, and all it stands for, had yet to be erected.

She was born the same year that residential refrigerators were first made available though it would be years before a typical family had one of these considering the economic state of the country in 1923. Now a basic dorm room isn't considered complete without one.

She's lived under 16 different US presidents, through all 94 Academy Award Shows -- with the option to watch the 60th one on broadcast this Sunday -- and every spacecraft launch. She's been told of both the "benefits" of tobacco and within the same half a century its life threatening side effects. She could have had a bob, an afro, used pin curls, straightened her hair with an actual iron, had a perm, colored her hair purple, and jumped between the Rachel and a Kate Gosselin inspired haircut all within her ninety years.

From the significant to the arguably unimportant she's been exposed to, enjoyed, dealt with, and battled a lot over the course of her ninety years. It's amazing to think about and really helpful to put -- and keep -- things in perspective.

It's so easy to become overwhelmed with any sort of change; at times truly embracing it and the bumps and bends of life can really be a struggle. But as Char-Dar tells us so astutely and as Martha reminds us with her spunk, her sass, her strength, and her stamina, those who can manage it and flex with it end up the most successful in dealing with it.

Happy Birthday Grammy!!! Now a little picture of me and my girl...

Me and Martha on a cruise around Lake Winnipesaukee in her hometown, Wolfeboro, NH 

Been There Done That: Saying NO

Inspired by a Town Hall my company recently had and a conversation I had with a former colleague this week, this Thursday's Been There, Done That post is about saying no.

This is an important life skill in the sense that we need to know how to set boundaries across many facets of our lives (to needy friends, to dates you simply don't want to go on, to trips we cannot afford or maybe simply don't want to take) but this post will focus on saying no in a professional situation, specifically saying no to a new professional opportunity.

Now there are many different ways for a new opportunity to present itself. I won't even to attempt to exhaust this list since I'm sure it's impossible. But I do offer thoughts on a few that I've either personally been faced with or know others who have (again, I'm not going to tell you!) and thoughts on why and how people have said no, as well as how to make this assessment.  

Of course there are instances when you want to and should say yes (you could determine a lot of these by the below list as well!) And of course there are instances when you don't have the luxury to say no. There are also times when your no might be to a request rather than to an opportunity. These topics are all begging for future posts (spoiler!) but for now we'll focus on some ways to assess whether a no is right for a situation and how to deliver it.

Saying No to a New Professional Opportunity: Been There, Done That

Timing

Like my old friends they say, timing is everything. And sometimes the timing is just off. Maybe you or your spouse are planning to have a child, you're buying a house and this will complicate things, you just took a new role and you want to stick it out for at least a year.

No answer is wrong, if the timing just doesn't seem to fit don't force it. Maybe this opportunity will come back, maybe it won't; if it doesn't something else -- maybe better and better timed -- will come along.

Does it make sense?

In a similar way it needs to make sense to you. At the end of the day the choice is yours and only you know if it makes sense for you. This might be the "perfect" move for your career based on what your manager, mentor, executive, mother, former coworker, peer who envies you, peer who admires you thinks. At the end of the day you know what your end goals are (personal and professional, short-term, long-term, and super long-term).  

I have a friend, we'll call him Andrew, who decided not take an opportunity within a team he was on. This was really confusing to one of his peers. His peer would speak openly about the opportunity Andrew missed. Thing is just a few years later Andrew made a different jump that was even more beneficial. This jump that Andrew ended up making paid off even more, was aligned with what he wanted longer term, and the extra time Andrew spent in his initial role helped him make the move. Booyah. Yup, I just said booyah.

Business Health

Be sure any opportunity is aligned with where the business is going or will yield benefit to the company you're at or considering. If it doesn't or it feels too risky say no. How do you measure this? Read. Talk with coworkers or industry experts. Don't have any idea where to start or access to an expert? Google is your friend, my friend. Start with a broad search then use what you do know to hone in on trends or industry experts. Then search for key people or businesses on twitter and read their feeds or blogs.

Sure it's great to get in on something when it's being built up but consider its scalability and likelihood of success. Unless you're living off an inheritance you need to keep at least some Ramen on the table. Say no when it seems off.

Organization Dynamics

Biz health is very real, but so is organizational health. This can mean company, department, team, whatever. Whether you're considering staying on a team, joining a new company, working for a certain manager, don't discount dynamics. Hear that one manager doesn't give credit? A peer gossips or throws people under the bus? Perhaps there's been a lot of instability in one department. Again, if it seems off this might be your sign to say no.  

Gut Feeling

You can tap every resource you have, read every blog (yay!), follow every industry expert on twitter, and ask your most business savvy uncle with an Ivy League degree, but at the end of the day the choice is yours. So how do you know? Trust your gut.

How to Say No

You're not turning down Johnny for a date, but be just as tactful. Why does this matter? Well I'm personally a big believer in always presenting yourself in the best light and never burning bridges, so being thoughtful and having tact is key.

Final Thoughts and No, Don't Keep Reading if You Don't Want To :)

Sometimes you want a change, sometimes you don't. You know you best. Only accept what makes sense, works for, and feels good and right to you.

does working from home make you fat?

Yesterday was the first day I've been in the office in a week. Nope I haven't been sick or on vacation. With the ice storm last week I was remote Tuesday-Friday, then I hosted some friends over the weekend and was fortunate enough to be able to work remotely Monday so I could take them to the airport that afternoon.


During last week's storm I wrote about how when afforded the opportunity to work from remotely and when you need to you shouldn't feel bad about it (if you want to read that click here). While I continue to wholeheartedly agree with this, after working remotely for 5 days I've begun to wonder: does working remotely make you fat?


I'm sure me feeling like this has nothing to do with their copious amounts of cheese my friends and I ate over the weekend, or the 3 am corn dogs on Saturday, or the loaded tater tots on Sunday (jealous? judging?)


But changing your work location often significantly change a person's routine, not necessarily in a bad way, but this in turn impacts meals, gym time, etc. Many people probably revel in this and refine their schedules so that they are able to take an 11am workout class. In DC I had my schedule down so that I would often work remotely early in the AM then head into work to make a 11am personal training session (miss those days!!) then be at my desk by the time my coworkers were halfway through lunch.


I no longer think that I can offer the reasoning (okay, I'll call a spade a spade... the excuse) that I'm still getting accustomed to my routine because I have been living my life in Atlanta for nearly 7 months (woah!) now. Sure there have been some sizable shifts in my life since moving but it's time to get it together and avoid the times when I'm working remotely (or hosting visitors) to warrant massive tater tot consumption, or whatever.


I have some strategies that I like to follow, and I can probably get better at following. As I work to get better at these when I work remotely down here I thought I’d share!

1. Eat 4-6 small-ish meals

It's often said that this is really the best way to eat in general but when you're going out to dinner and such it's hard to keep it up. Since I tend to graze when working remotely anyway I like to consider the grazing my meals which also tends to make these healthier since mentally I know I need actual nutrients in a meal and just having handful after handful of cheeze-its won't cut it.

2. Make breakfast count

This is likely a personal thing since I know many people don't like big morning meals but I need a pretty sizable breakfast to not be cranky but no earlier than about an hour after waking up. It also helps me avoid graze (meal) #2 until noon or so.

3. Make exercise a part of the day

This should really be regardless of working remotely or not, but when working remotely I find that my work and my personal life can tend to feel extra blurred. It's a blessing and a curse

4. Don't sit in PJs all day

It's important to make sure your pants still fit every once and a while but I find this is one way that I feel like I'm accomplishing something.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not getting dolled up, in fact I am often simply changing into different comfortable clothes but it still tends to help me feel like I'm doing more than sitting in sweats in front of a laptop.

5. Change into your gym clothes

Bringing 3 and 4 together a bit, a friend of mine once told me her strategy to ensure she worked out on Sundays: she would immediately put on her gym clothes upon waking up. It's like a nice reminder that you that you still need to work out throughout the day.

6. Drink water

Yup this one's also not rocket science, and this is not just good for you if you're working remotely, but my manager and I were talking the other day about how we both tend to not drink a ton of water when we're remote. When I'm in the office I drink a couple cup-fulls (16oz?) of water in the morning and then again in the afternoon; I also have at least 1 cup of green tea a day. So how to do this? For me it might mean that I just need to emulate the size of the cup I drink out of in my apartment.

7. Plan out your day

No surprise that I'm a big planner. But this doesn't have to be a crazy plan or anything and is something that I think is beneficial when you're in the office as well.  I just find that taking a moment in the morning to map out and overlay when each of the above things will happen (exercise, small meal #3, and so on) will happen each day you're more set up for success!

Writing out this list makes me want to be remote all over again but then again, it probably wasn't a bad thing that I had to put pants on yesterday and today.

2 Tips to Being Happier

February’s always been a month to me that comes and goes in the blink of an eye. This isn’t just my POV I know/am sure since it’s only 4 weeks. But it also got me to thinking about the importance of prioritizing my time and spending it doing things I actually want to be doing. 

I’ve been thinking about some things that I have been striving to do more consciously recently that everyone really can. Since being happy is really what we all want I thought I’d share. It’s just two because well, that’s sort of all you need.

2 Ways to Be Happier:

1. Spend your time in ways that make you happy

I’ll just go ahead and give an example from the part of my life that offers the most mystery/intrigue (ha) and that some readers might find the most interesting: dating. 

For those who don’t know me or know me well, I’m the queen of ending things with guys I’m not into extremely quickly. (Sorry to any fellas who have experienced this and read my blog, but trust me, I’ve done a favor for you because I really can’t lie which creates the tendency for me to hurt people’s feelings so really this is just for the best) 

Anyway, like any good girlfriends, mine often encourage me to “give him a chance!” and “just see what happens!” And while I totally believe in and strive to live my life under Coach Taylor’s mantra, "clear eye, full hearts, can’t lose” but I also believe in not spending more time than you need to doing things you don’t like. Wow, that was a bit of a run-on sentence and a lot of ideas. But it is Monday and the fact of the matter is if I’d rather catch up on DVRed TV than go on another date with a guy who I am simply not feeling why should I rush home from work, skip a day at the gym, and put on makeup? Waste of my time and waste of his money if you ask me. Okay, that’s harsh, it’s likely not a complete waste of my time but it’s the wrong way to spend my time.

Bottom line: spend your time in ways that make you feel fulfilled and happy and content versus things that don’t. Which brings me to number two...

2. Stop things that don’t make you happy 

I could simply give the reverse example from above and say that these guys were not making me happy so I stopped seeing them. But that’s no fun and also not the best example since I’m not going to stop dating altogether. 

So what’s something that didn’t make me happy that I consciously walked away from?  Hot yoga. 

I hate it. Seriously, and I don’t hate much. But 90 minutes of sweating so much that I feel like I’m dying only to lose water weight and feel as if I didn’t even complete any exercise just isn’t for me. I have friends who love it. They should keep doing it. But 2 years ago I did something pretty out of character: I let the remaining 4 classes of a 10 class pass (don’t worry, I brought it via Groupon) expire without even using them. It was worth it to me to lose whatever money I was losing rather than go to those last 4 classes. This is your classic cost/benefit analysis. 

See it’s super easy to be happy! Want a recap? Do more of what makes you happy and do less of what doesn’t. Happy Monday you happy people! 

Been There, Done That: The Inaugural Post

Remember that section of Cosmo called, "Hey, it’s OK” that laundry listed off weird things that are totally normal and fine to do? So maybe that still exists, I don’t read Cosmo anymore (okay I never really did) but I have decided to begin my own regular list of things that are okay.

Expect these to be a little more professionally geared than Cosmo’s (though I’m not hating) but just as honest. Since at the end of the day we often simply want to know that we’re not alone in our quirkiness and confusion. 

Some notes/guidelines for these reoccurring posts that I plan to do 1x a week (are we liking Thursdays?):

• These will not all be things that I myself have done but will be things that I know to have happened by an immediate contact. Think this will help create some anonymity as well as creditability. 
• I am toying with what I should call this and have no idea what graphic I will employ so creative readers/friends feel free to contact me with suggestions on either of these areas!

For now we’ll go with, Been There, Done That.

Been There, Done That: Date a person from your office

So I’ll actually start by being totally honest with this one and say that I have done this; sort of. I’ve dated a guy in a totally different department (I think even different line of business?) at the same company as me. This was sticky at times, mostly after we ended things, but still loads better than dating someone in your same department, team, or anything else close to your day-to-day work life if things go sour. 

I have had/have loads of friends and colleagues who have or still are dating people who they interact with at work. So what’s the verdict? Well, sometimes it’s no risk, no reward but in my personal POV you should really think through this situation. Statistically there is a very high chance that things get awkward and from my experience as well as that of others I’m close with, the relationship is often not worth the awkwardness. 

Would I ever do it again? Never say never, but if I can avoid it I certainly plan to.

Don’t believe me? Well, you should because I’ve been there, done that. 

on happiness and not being jealous of your coworker’s Vday flowers delivery on top of her promotion

If you didn't know Friday is Valentine’s Day.

I'm single (by choice...?...!) so this holiday evokes a whole host of thoughts and feelings. One of the more common feelings for unattached people (women?) during this ever essential holiday focused on gifts and candy (promise, I’m not trying to hate, I’m actually a huge candy fan, just not those conversational hearts, they’re gross) tends to be wanting or longing for what we are each lacking romantically in our lives. This, while a bit unhealthy, seems to be harmless and perfectly normal. 

What is not healthy and should be avoided are the thoughts of being angry or frustrated at people who are attached, as if they personally did something to us.

Don’t get me wrong, I am guilty of these thoughts at times myself. But it’s important to realize, and to be able to remind ourselves, that our happiness is not determined by others. On top of that, there’s absolutely no reason why shouldn’t be happy with and for others.

After all, happiness is not divided it's multiplied. 

Meaning someone else’s happiness doesn't and shouldn't detract from yours, in fact if anything it should enhance your happiness. It’s not like there's a finite amount of happiness available in the universe and by someone else being happy your happiness, or ability to be happy, is lessened.

I think it’s pretty obvious that this is something ladies like me and lady killers out there should keep in mind during Valentine’s Day, but this is also something really important to keep in mind at all times of the year, especially in our careers and in our lives more broadly.

What do I mean? 

Well it’s very easy to get jealous, envious, or even angry at a coworker, a friend, a family member, anyone who is experiencing success in one or many areas of his or her life. But for the sake of what? To put out negative energy? To come across like a 5-year-old? To show that the promotion panel was right and you really are not ready to take on more responsibility? 

Sure everyone has those moments when you’re just down in the dumps and nothing is going well and maybe it seems like everything is handed to s0-and-so on a silver platter. But I promise that’s not the case; or if it is it’s not going to stay that way forever. Instead of being the negative person be the person who revels in the success and happiness of others.

So while it's easy to get jealous, envious, even angry when you see other people experiencing the feelings or milestones that you want (a promotion, a raise, a charming and funny boyfriend, hell, even the simple delivery of flowers) stop and remind yourself that the happiness of others in no way detracts from where and how we should be deriving our own happiness. 

And at the end of the day, energy is contagious to choose to project positive energy. 

Happy 2-days til Valentine’s Day, y’all!