What I like to do when I’m not in the best of moods

I do something kind for someone else.

Really.

Sure it’s nice to pamper or primp or have a pity party or some “me” time (I do love me some me time!) but when I’m feeling just down and sort of low for no real reason I find that showing sincere kindness to someone else is usually the best fix.

I’ll offer a *sincere* compliment to someone. Maybe a coworker’s work has been especially on point recently or maybe the new pair of pumps she just scored at Nordstrom Rack are to die for. I’ll be sure to let her know. 

Maybe I’ll write a card or send a nice email to someone I haven’t talked with in a while. We don’t stop enough and tell people we care so it’s nice to do so every now and then.

Giving really is the best gift for yourself. Giving positive feedback out of the blue or reconnecting with someone by a simple email, card, or even a Facebook post can really add pleasantry to their day, and in turn to yours. Energy is contagious, you’ll vibe off their spirit and happiness, and soon your sour mood will be a distant memory! 

2 Tips to Being Happier

February’s always been a month to me that comes and goes in the blink of an eye. This isn’t just my POV I know/am sure since it’s only 4 weeks. But it also got me to thinking about the importance of prioritizing my time and spending it doing things I actually want to be doing. 

I’ve been thinking about some things that I have been striving to do more consciously recently that everyone really can. Since being happy is really what we all want I thought I’d share. It’s just two because well, that’s sort of all you need.

2 Ways to Be Happier:

1. Spend your time in ways that make you happy

I’ll just go ahead and give an example from the part of my life that offers the most mystery/intrigue (ha) and that some readers might find the most interesting: dating. 

For those who don’t know me or know me well, I’m the queen of ending things with guys I’m not into extremely quickly. (Sorry to any fellas who have experienced this and read my blog, but trust me, I’ve done a favor for you because I really can’t lie which creates the tendency for me to hurt people’s feelings so really this is just for the best) 

Anyway, like any good girlfriends, mine often encourage me to “give him a chance!” and “just see what happens!” And while I totally believe in and strive to live my life under Coach Taylor’s mantra, "clear eye, full hearts, can’t lose” but I also believe in not spending more time than you need to doing things you don’t like. Wow, that was a bit of a run-on sentence and a lot of ideas. But it is Monday and the fact of the matter is if I’d rather catch up on DVRed TV than go on another date with a guy who I am simply not feeling why should I rush home from work, skip a day at the gym, and put on makeup? Waste of my time and waste of his money if you ask me. Okay, that’s harsh, it’s likely not a complete waste of my time but it’s the wrong way to spend my time.

Bottom line: spend your time in ways that make you feel fulfilled and happy and content versus things that don’t. Which brings me to number two...

2. Stop things that don’t make you happy 

I could simply give the reverse example from above and say that these guys were not making me happy so I stopped seeing them. But that’s no fun and also not the best example since I’m not going to stop dating altogether. 

So what’s something that didn’t make me happy that I consciously walked away from?  Hot yoga. 

I hate it. Seriously, and I don’t hate much. But 90 minutes of sweating so much that I feel like I’m dying only to lose water weight and feel as if I didn’t even complete any exercise just isn’t for me. I have friends who love it. They should keep doing it. But 2 years ago I did something pretty out of character: I let the remaining 4 classes of a 10 class pass (don’t worry, I brought it via Groupon) expire without even using them. It was worth it to me to lose whatever money I was losing rather than go to those last 4 classes. This is your classic cost/benefit analysis. 

See it’s super easy to be happy! Want a recap? Do more of what makes you happy and do less of what doesn’t. Happy Monday you happy people! 

on happiness and not being jealous of your coworker’s Vday flowers delivery on top of her promotion

If you didn't know Friday is Valentine’s Day.

I'm single (by choice...?...!) so this holiday evokes a whole host of thoughts and feelings. One of the more common feelings for unattached people (women?) during this ever essential holiday focused on gifts and candy (promise, I’m not trying to hate, I’m actually a huge candy fan, just not those conversational hearts, they’re gross) tends to be wanting or longing for what we are each lacking romantically in our lives. This, while a bit unhealthy, seems to be harmless and perfectly normal. 

What is not healthy and should be avoided are the thoughts of being angry or frustrated at people who are attached, as if they personally did something to us.

Don’t get me wrong, I am guilty of these thoughts at times myself. But it’s important to realize, and to be able to remind ourselves, that our happiness is not determined by others. On top of that, there’s absolutely no reason why shouldn’t be happy with and for others.

After all, happiness is not divided it's multiplied. 

Meaning someone else’s happiness doesn't and shouldn't detract from yours, in fact if anything it should enhance your happiness. It’s not like there's a finite amount of happiness available in the universe and by someone else being happy your happiness, or ability to be happy, is lessened.

I think it’s pretty obvious that this is something ladies like me and lady killers out there should keep in mind during Valentine’s Day, but this is also something really important to keep in mind at all times of the year, especially in our careers and in our lives more broadly.

What do I mean? 

Well it’s very easy to get jealous, envious, or even angry at a coworker, a friend, a family member, anyone who is experiencing success in one or many areas of his or her life. But for the sake of what? To put out negative energy? To come across like a 5-year-old? To show that the promotion panel was right and you really are not ready to take on more responsibility? 

Sure everyone has those moments when you’re just down in the dumps and nothing is going well and maybe it seems like everything is handed to s0-and-so on a silver platter. But I promise that’s not the case; or if it is it’s not going to stay that way forever. Instead of being the negative person be the person who revels in the success and happiness of others.

So while it's easy to get jealous, envious, even angry when you see other people experiencing the feelings or milestones that you want (a promotion, a raise, a charming and funny boyfriend, hell, even the simple delivery of flowers) stop and remind yourself that the happiness of others in no way detracts from where and how we should be deriving our own happiness. 

And at the end of the day, energy is contagious to choose to project positive energy. 

Happy 2-days til Valentine’s Day, y’all!

decide what makes you happy then build that life

My older brother was in town a little while back for a work training so we got to hang out and catch up a bit. He’s going through some very cool transitions at work and in his life in general. We talked a bit about where he is, where he’s going, and some of the best strategies to get there. 

I shared one piece of unsolicited advice (a lot of advice I give is unsolicited, sorry!) that I think was really well received: In order to build the life you want, determine and understand your own values and goals then align your personal and professional moves to match them. 

What do I mean? It’s all about understanding what you ultimately want out of your life and then ensuring that your job, your friends, your partner -- everything really -- syncs up. I’ll give a few examples from myself, friends, and colleagues that I believe are relatable.

On work/life interaction (or balance): I know two women who ultimately want to run their own businesses with current/future spouses. Both of these ladies will, among other things, run the marketing programs. Since they are both in marketing functions this works out well, though their current roles were niche roles. I encouraged them both to gain experience in design and broad brand management in addition to their day jobs because this sort of experience will likely prove invaluable to them 5, 10, or 15 years down the road. While their roles at the time were specialized they were both at companies that encouraged a good deal of side-of-desk work so as a way to make this work for them I encouraged them to align their side-of-desk-work with these broad skills they wanted to develop.

Location, location, location: Another good friend of mine passed on multiple, sizable scholarships to very good graduate schools and opted to take out pretty substantial loans for a program that was close to an area where she ultimately wanted to live. Normally I would caution against this but knowing that such an important part of her happiness, her own values, and her definition of success included living in this particular area I supported it. If you know where you want to ultimately be geographically and you know certain things will impact your ability to get there positively or negatively, why would you put yourself in a position that works against this??

More on work/life with a focus on life: An age old example that comes to mind is if you’re a woman and ultimately you want to be a stay at home mother then in my opinion you should not aggressively be pursuing a path to anywhere near the executive suite. I think this can be applied to men as well, though I realize there are different pressures and compilations from how we’re socialized. Still, I stand by: If If family and other relationships are essential to your happiness then why would you act against these values at any point in your life? Again, I know that there are different pressures felt by men and women but it’s essential to see the big picture. I fear when many who don’t think “big picture” finally come up for air they will realize that they’ve lost sight of what they actually want out of this life. 

For me it boils down to the following: If you are lucky enough to know some of the key characteristics of your life that you need fulfilled in order to be happy (and since many do not, you’re lucky if you do!) and you have the ability to work towards them now, why wouldn’t you?? 

Not everything has to totally align perfectly, in fact this all should be flexible because things will come up and you’re going to have to adjust. Maybe your moves don’t exactly ladder “up” to your end goals, you might have to take a few steps to the side or back. Take my friend who took out the loans for example, some might argue that financially she’s being set back. But since her decision is ultimately linking to what she wants and her values I think the investment is warranted.

The universe isn’t going to just create a wonderful life for you. The people with the happiest lives didn’t just wake up one day in those circumstances. They identified what was important to them and then they built those lives.

Decide what’s important to you (and remember, there’s no right and wrong answer) then start making it happen.